In the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, the woman is physically disciplined by her male HOH (Head of Household) when she is guilty of misbehavior. When he observes that she has been dishonest, disrespectful or disobedient, he will determine that she needs to be spanked to tears for her own good. He will administer corporal punishment in order to teach her a lesson, so that she becomes more honest, respectful and obedient. He disciplines her for her own good, because as her HOH, he knows what is best for her.
The HOH is responsible for deciding if, when and where his woman needs to be punished for her misbehavior. He makes the judgment as to whether her misbehavior warrants discipline or not; and if so, how much discipline she needs to receive in order to be taught her lesson properly. He determines the woman’s need for discipline based on his knowledge of her as a woman. Because, as her HOH, he knows her better than anyone else in the whole world, he is uniquely qualified to determine whether she needs to be punished or not.
Sometimes, however, a woman may know that she needs to be disciplined for her own good, even before her HOH becomes aware of it. She may have committed an offense which she knows is a punishable offense, but which her HOH does not yet know about. Or she may not even be consciously aware of her transgression, if indeed one has been made, but still have a general intuitive sense that she would benefit greatly by being disciplined.
In such cases, it is appropriate for a woman to ask her HOH to discipline her. Asking for discipline is a perfectly legitimate request for a submissive woman to make. It certainly does not constitute non-submissive behavior on her part. On the contrary – asking for discipline is a very submissive act and is not something that a less submissive woman could perform.
Please use the following anchors to jump to the respective points, as this article is very long (5000 words, equals 1 hour or more).
A woman might ask for discipline when she needs to be punished for her misbehavior. If she has committed an offense involving dishonesty, disrespect or disobedience, she needs to be punished for her own good. It is the loving act of an HOH to discipline his woman when she misbehaves, so that she can learn her lesson, wipe the slate clean and move on in her personal development. Allowing her misbehavior to pass unpunished is lazy and unloving, because it does not help the woman to become a better person. She needs her HOH’s guidance, correction and discipline so that she can continue to learn and grow as a woman.
It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask her HOH to discipline her if she has been misbehaving. Not only is it perfectly acceptable, but it is also highly recommended. Not all women are sufficiently submissive to be able to ask their HOH for discipline when they misbehave. Many women are not submissive enough to even confess their own misbehavior, let alone ask to be punished for it. Many women try to hide their own misbehavior and hope that their HOH never finds out. They think that as long as their HOH does not discover their misbehavior, everything will be OK. This is a childish and immature attitude that unfortunately many women are guilty of. It is one of the reasons why the loving guidance of an HOH can help a woman to grow in maturity, love and respect. If the HOH does not discover his woman’s misbehavior, everything will definitely NOT be OK. The woman’s misbehavior will pass unpunished. Her attitude and behavior will deteriorate because she thinks that she can get away with anything. And her personal growth and maturity will stagnate or even regress, because she childishly believes that she has “gotten away with it.” She has not gotten away with anything at all. She has simply made her own situation worse and deceived her HOH into the bargain. She has behaved like a naughty child whose misbehavior has unfortunately escaped punishment.
If a woman really wants to learn and grow in love, submission, respect, honesty and obedience, she needs to confess her misbehavior to her HOH. She needs to do this in the full knowledge that the consequence of her misbehavior will be corporal punishment that leaves her crying and contrite. If she is honest with herself and her HOH, she should also ask her HOH to punish her, because this is the best way for her to learn her lesson and grow as a woman. Asking for punishment is an important step in a woman’s growth and learning. Asking to be punished shows that she truly understands the consequences and effects of her misbehavior – on herself and on other people.
One other reason why a woman might ask to be disciplined is to relieve her stress. Many people refer to this as a stress relief spanking or a stress release spanking. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask her HOH to discipline her to relieve her stress. Being spanked to tears is a powerful and cathartic process. It will usually release a lot of negative emotions that the woman has stored up inside herself, leaving her feeling drained but much lighter and happier afterwards. The power of Domestic Discipline to reduce or eliminate a woman’s stress should not be underestimated. It can be extremely effective in lowering a woman’s stress levels.
But isn’t it rather selfish of a woman to ask her HOH to spank her just because she feels stressed? Isn’t it a big ask for her HOH, who would probably prefer to relax rather than to have to discipline his woman? The answer is no, it is not. It is not selfish for a woman to ask for a stress relief spanking. This is because when the woman is stressed, the whole household seems to get stressed. A woman is the center of the home, especially if she is also a mother. The man is the leader of the home, but the woman is the center of the home. She is the provider of food, comfort and nurturing in the home. If she becomes stressed, her stress radiates outwards and infects the other inhabitants of the home – her husband and children. Because she is the center of the home, her own stress causes more damage to those around her than anyone else’s stress.
So in fact, it is very important to relieve a woman’s stress by spanking her. Spanking the highly stressed woman to tears will benefit not only the woman herself, but also everyone else in the home. Disciplining the stressed or stressful woman will help her and it will help those around her. It is an important and beneficial act of love. The woman who feels stressed should never hesitate to ask her HOH to discipline her as a stress relief measure, because she is helping those around her as well as herself. Asking to be disciplined in these circumstances is most definitely not a selfish act on the woman’s part. It is an act of wisdom and concern for her family, so that they are not negatively affected by her stress. The solution to a woman’s stress is to spank her, because her stress relief spanking will relieve not only her stress, but also the stress of the entire household. She owes it to herself and to her family to ask her HOH to discipline her when she is feeling stressed, because to do otherwise would be irresponsible and uncaring.
Sometimes a woman will ask her HOH for a harsher punishment. This is especially true when she has just been disciplined for misbehavior. If she knows in her heart that she is not in the right place emotionally, that she is not truly repentant and contrite and that she has not fully learned her lesson, she owes it to herself to ask her HOH to discipline her more. This may mean simply more of the same kind of spanking, or it may mean that she asks to be disciplined more harshly – perhaps with a belt instead of the hand, or with a paddle instead of the belt. It is not an easy thing for her to do, because she knows that a harsher punishment will be more painful and more unpleasant. But she knows that it is always going to be the best thing for her as a woman, because it will help her to learn her lesson and move beyond her negative attitudes and behavior.
If a woman feels that she has received insufficient discipline, it is in her own best interests to ensure that she is punished more severely. Many women suffer insufficient discipline because their HOH is relatively inexperienced in disciplining his woman, or because he has misread the signs and mistakenly thinks that his woman has been disciplined enough. Insufficient discipline is sometimes worse than no discipline at all, because it leaves the woman feeling unsubmissive and unrepentant. It is often the cause of subsequent friction between the woman and her HOH, because she feels that he has not fulfilled his masculine role (of leader, protector and corrector) properly. It can lead to other forms of female misbehavior such as bratting which can have a corrosive effect on any relationship.
If the woman really wants to make sure that she is not insufficiently disciplined, she needs to speak up. She needs to admit to her HOH that she does not feel adequately disciplined, adequately submissive or adequately contrite. She needs to admit to him that only additional discipline or harsher discipline will help get her to a place where she feels truly submissive, truly obedient and truly repentant. It is in her own best interests to ask her HOH for this additional discipline, because this is the only way that she will feel loved, fulfilled, happy, honest, obedient, respectful and submissive again. It is the simplest and best way for her HOH to ensure that his woman is restored to her natural, loving, feminine and submissive self once more.
A woman may also ask her HOH for more frequent discipline. This is applies specifically to the highly effective practice of Maintenance Discipline, which involves spanking the woman regularly as a reminder of her submission and her obedience to her HOH’s authority. She may ask her HOH for more frequent Maintenance Discipline if she feels that she needs more frequent reminders of her role and of her femininity. Maintenance Discipline helps to teach a woman submission. If she wants to experience her submission more deeply, as well as her own femininity and her connection to her HOH, she may well ask her HOH for more frequent Maintenance Discipline spankings. This is not a sign that she is some kind of masochist. This is a sign that she recognizes the beneficial effects of Maintenance Discipline. This is a sign that she wants to experience these beneficial effects more regularly because she can see how she would benefit as a woman.
Many women cannot understand how Maintenance Discipline benefits them, even though they receive regular maintenance spankings and feel much better as a result. They feel that they are being spanked for no reason, which results in a pointless punishment. Nothing could be further from the truth. The beneficial effects of a Maintenance Discipline spanking are precisely dependent upon the fact that the woman has not committed any punishable offense. By disciplining her at a time when she is not misbehaving, her HOH can take the opportunity to lead his woman into a more positive, loving and submissive frame of mind and heart. When a woman recognizes this deeply beneficial effect of Maintenance Discipline, she can easily accept being disciplined even when she has not misbehaved. She can see how more frequent Maintenance Discipline spankings can help her to become happier, calmer, loved, cared for and more feminine. She can understand how asking for more frequent Maintenance Discipline is a natural and logical extension of her own desire for love, intimacy, personal growth and self development.
Sometimes a woman may wish to ask her HOH for more consistent discipline. This is different from insufficient discipline, which refers to discipline that does not leave the woman adequately repentant after being punished. Consistent discipline means discipline that is reliably present and firm. Consistent Maintenance Discipline means maintenance spankings that occur on a regular basis. This regularity should not be interrupted except in case of exceptional circumstances such as illness. Consistent punishment means that the woman will be punished for her misbehavior whenever it occurs. It means that instances of her misbehavior will not be ignored or allowed to pass unpunished, because the consequences for her as a woman will be very negative. It is important to discipline a woman consistently for her misbehavior so that she does not receive mixed messages about what is expected from her. Every instance of female misbehavior should be punished, without exception.
Asking for more consistent discipline means asking for Maintenance Discipline spankings that occur on a reliably regular basis. It means asking her HOH to enforce the rules that he has established for her behavior and for her punishments. It does not mean criticizing her HOH in a disrespectful way. That is not helpful and should not be tolerated by any HOH. It means that the woman will respectfully request more consistent disciplines and punishments from her HOH. She will indicate her honest desire and willingness to submit to whatever discipline is necessary to maintain her good behavior and positive attitude. She will ask humbly to be punished when she knows that she is guilty of misbehavior and needs to be disciplined for her own good. She will willingly submit to her HOH when he decides that she must be punished so that she can be taught a lesson.
Why should a woman ask to be disciplined? Why would a woman knowingly ask to undergo pain and suffering which is so easily avoidable? Why would she simply not ask for the punishment in the first place? Wouldn’t that be easier?
A woman may ask for discipline because she knows that she needs it. Needing to be disciplined comes from an inner awareness that discipline is highly beneficial for her as a woman. It comes from an inner awareness that stress relief is an inevitable and positive effect of being spanked to tears. It comes from a need to release the negative thoughts and emotions that are holding her back. It comes from a need to reconnect in a loving, feminine and submissive way with her HOH. It comes from a desire for deep emotional intimacy.
These are all valid needs. They are not signs of “neediness.” They are honest, simple and genuine needs that a woman may have. As a result of these needs, she may strongly feel that she should ask her HOH for discipline. And rightly so.
Sometimes a woman will ask for discipline because she knows that she deserves to be punished. She may not have a specific need to be disciplined or to experience stress relief through spanking. But she knows that she has misbehaved and she knows that she should pay the price for her misbehavior. She knows that disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect merit a good, firm punishment spanking. She knows that she has earned a punishment through her female misbehavior. She knows that a thorough punishment spanking is the only way to wipe the slate clean of her misbehavior. She knows that it is the only way for her to be reconciled with her HOH. She knows that it is the only way for her to be returned to a more natural, loving and submissive state of femininity. It is natural, normal and healthy for a woman’s misbehavior to be punished, so that she learns to behave better. That is why she is subject to her HOH’s authority, because he is responsible for administering the punishment she deserves for her misbehavior. She needs someone to call her to task when she misbehaves. That person is her HOH.
A woman may ask her HOH to discipline her because she wants it. She may not feel that she needs to be disciplined for anything in particular. She may not feel that she has deserved a punishment for specific female misbehavior. But she may simply want to be disciplined so that she can experience the positive after effects of a spanking – the catharsis, the emotional cleansing, the emotional intimacy with her HOH and perhaps the heightened sexual awareness that can follow a good spanking. There is nothing wrong with all this. It is perfectly fine for a woman to want to be spanked. It is perfectly OK for her to ask her HOH to spank her for no particular reason. This is like a self-instigated Maintenance Discipline, in a sense. She has done nothing wrong and is not scheduled for a regular Maintenance Discipline spanking. She does not need to have her stress relieved. She simply would like to be spanked so that she can benefit from the guaranteed positive effects of a good spanking by her HOH. She may just want to be reminded of her HOH’s authority over her. She may just want to have a renewed experience of her own submission and femininity. It is absolutely OK for her to ask her HOH to spank her simply because she wants to be spanked.
The only thing she must remember is that it is also perfectly OK for her HOH to refuse her! Just because she wants to be spanked does not mean that her HOH must automatically oblige her. He is still her HOH and he still makes the final decision. She is still subject to his authority and must submit to his decision about whether to spank her or not.
A woman can occasionally feel an intuitive sense that she needs to be disciplined for her own good. Often it is nothing concrete, nothing that she can put her finger on or express clearly in words. It is just a feminine intuition that a spanking would be extremely beneficial for her at this point in time. Explaining this to her HOH can be difficult, especially if she cannot put her feelings into words and express her desires in a rational way. But this does not deny the fact that she has an intuitive feeling that a spanking would be very good for her.
In such a case, it is perfectly acceptable for the woman to ask her HOH to discipline her. Again, he is perfectly within his rights as an HOH to refuse her, but usually he would see no reason to do so. If his woman feels intuitively that she needs to be spanked, that is a very positive sign. It is a sign not only that she is in touch with her intuition, but also that she is growing in her emotional maturity and in her feminine submission. A woman’s ability to ask for discipline is a sign of fantastic progress in her submission, because for the first time she is actively offering her submission to her HOH. Instead of just submitting silently to her punishments when they are deserved, she goes to her HOH and offers him her submission. She offers him the gift of her submission and her femininity. She offers him her submission because she knows that she will benefit greatly as a result. She will benefit in her womanhood. She will benefit in her femininity. She will benefit in her emotional stress release. She will benefit in her intimate emotional connection with her HOH. And she will benefit in her personal growth. And indirectly, her HOH will benefit in his leadership and in his masculinity, which are two qualities that will feed back positively into their relationship.
It is a great personal breakthrough for a woman when she can summon up the courage to ask her HOH to discipline her. It is not always easy, but it is certainly worthwhile. When she is honest enough and brave enough to ask her HOH to discipline her for her own good, she has taken a giant step forward in her femininity, her maturity and her submission. She has admitted to herself for the first time, “I can’t do this on my own.” She has admitted to herself that she needs her HOH’s help and masculine guidance so that she can grow as a woman. She has abandoned her false sense of total emotional and physical independence, which often comes from a misguided political sensibility. She has recognized her interdependence with her HOH. She has realized how much he, as a man, can help her with her development as a woman. She has allowed him to lead and she has allowed herself to follow. This is a wonderful breakthrough for a woman. She liberates huge amounts of energy that were previously put into denial. She doesn’t need to direct all her subconscious energy into denying her femininity, her vulnerability and her need for masculine authority. It is now free to be put to more useful and productive purposes – making her happier, more fulfilled and developing her own feminine self. Her energy has been taken out of denial and suppression so that it can be put to more loving goals.
It is one thing to read about asking for discipline. It is another thing altogether for a woman to actually stand in front of her HOH and ask him to punish her. Many women are OK with the idea but balk at the actuality. They are too frightened, shy or embarrassed to ask their HOH to discipline them. There are a number of ways that this can be resolved, however.
The toughest way for a woman to ask to be disciplined is to come right out with it and say it to her HOH’s face. Looking him in the eyes and asking him for discipline is very scary for many women, although others can do it without difficulty. If a woman can get this far, she has certainly come a long way. When she can ask him to discipline her by looking directly at him, she has progressed greatly in her maturity, femininity and submission.
Some women find it easier to keep their eyes downcast or averted when asking their HOH to discipline them. They find it so embarrassing to ask to be disciplined that they are not able to look directly into their HOH’s eyes. This is an acceptable substitute for a more honest and open request for discipline. Each woman should begin by asking for discipline in whatever way she is comfortable with. Then, as time progresses and she learns to be more submissive, she can graduate to more open requests for discipline or punishment.
Sometimes a woman will ask her HOH for extra discipline in a very casual way – perhaps in the middle of another conversation. This can be a way for her to deal with her shyness. She needs to be careful that her request is actually noticed, because it is possible for an HOH to miss such a request when it is camouflaged within an innocuous conversation. Saying things like, “I saw our friends Andrea and Brad at the mall today. I need to be disciplined harder. Did you notice that the dahlias have bloomed?” will not attract the desired results. The woman should take care to clearly communicate her request to be disciplined. She should not expect her HOH to notice comments that she herself is trying to cover up through embarrassment.
One very easy way for a woman to express her need for additional discipline is at her regular Maintenance Discipline sessions. Her HOH can sit her down and talk to her about her submission and their Domestic Discipline lifestyle. She can raise any relevant issues like her need for extra discipline without feeling embarrassed, because she is already in an intimate, Domestic Discipline situation with her HOH. She is in an environment dedicated to Domestic Discipline, which makes discussion of these topics much easier.
Some women may ask their HOH for discipline when they are kneeling in front of their HOH. This may occur before, during or after their spanking. It is appropriate for a woman to ask for discipline when she is in a submissive position like kneeling because it corresponds with her desire for submission, obedience and femininity. Sometimes a woman will kneel in front of her HOH outside a disciplinary situation and ask him humbly to discipline her. Again, this is a natural, feminine and submissive posture that is conducive to such requests. Not all women may wish to adopt such a submissive posture, of course. In some cases, it may be for religious reasons or other personal reasons. Nonetheless, it is a loving and submissive act for a woman who wishes to demonstrate her obedience to her HOH’s authority.
Another way for a woman to ask for discipline is via her Journal. Journaling is a useful and beneficial practice in the Domestic Discipline lifestyle. The woman can write down her desire to be disciplined more frequently or more severely. Then, when her HOH reads her Journal next, he will see what she wants to communicate to him, without her having to say anything out loud. Journaling is a very effective way for a woman to express her wish for extra discipline or more severe discipline.
An easy way for a woman to ask for discipline is by writing a letter to her HOH. Since not all HOH’s are excited by the prospect of reading a long, emotional letter, she should keep her missive relatively short and to the point, while taking care to express her essential feelings with care. She can explain her need or her desire for additional discipline. She can respectfully request this additional discipline from her HOH.
A similar but more modern version of the letter involves writing an email to her HOH. She should be careful not to send this email to his work address because it may be intercepted and read by others. But an email is a perfectly fine way for a woman to ask her HOH to discipline her for her own good and for the good of those around her. It is also a rapid and timely method for her to communicate this feminine need to her HOH.
A woman can also leave a note somewhere in the home for her HOH to read. This is a quiet and easy way for her to bring her need for discipline to her HOH’s attention without embarrassing herself. She can leave the note on his desk or next to the bed or anywhere else he is likely to find it. She should make sure that the note is not lost or read accidentally by someone else – by one of their children, for example.
Some couples have a system which enables the woman to ask for discipline without requesting it directly. They may have a prearranged sign or gesture that they use, such as a kitchen implement placed in a certain way, or a special t-shirt that the woman wears, or a colored plate left on the HOH’s desk, etc. The possibilities are limitless and enable the woman to ask her HOH to discipline her without having to say anything. Provided the HOH sees the signal and recognizes it for what it means, the system is very effective.
It should be remembered that the ultimate goal of every woman who uses a non-verbal method of asking her HOH for discipline must be to eventually find the courage and the submission to ask him directly. It is fine for a woman to use an indirect method of asking for discipline as long as she remains embarrassed about doing so. But as she develops in her submission, her obedience and her femininity, she should work towards being able to ask her HOH to discipline her by speaking to him, face to face. When she has achieved this, she will be able to freely ask her HOH for the discipline she needs as a woman. She will have overcome her shyness and embarrassment about honestly facing up to her own needs as a woman. She will have achieved a maturity and submission that are a credit to her and to her femininity.
Asking for discipline does not mean that a woman is directing her HOH on how to discipline her. It means that she has come to a mature and intelligent realization of how discipline helps her to learn and grow as a woman. It means that she has recognized her need to be disciplined for her own good. It means that she is secure enough in her submission to ask her HOH for the discipline that helps her so much in her life and in her relationship. Women should not hesitate to ask their HOH to discipline them when they feel they need it as women. Asking for discipline is a positive, healthy, loving and submissive act that any woman who lives the Domestic Discipline lifestyle should consider doing.