Consistency is one of the biggest challenges that a couple faces when they first start to implement Domestic Discipline in their life. Lack of consistency, not surprisingly, is therefore one of the biggest complaints that women in Domestic Discipline relationships have. Just as a discipline that is not adequate or sufficient (see article “Insufficient Discipline”) can cause a woman to feel incredibly frustrated and unloved, so too can a lack of consistency cause many of the same problems. It is very important to understand what consistency actually is, in terms of a Domestic Discipline relationship. We also need to understand why inconsistency is so damaging, and what can be done about it.
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When a couple begins a Domestic Discipline lifestyle, they need to discuss how they want to go about it. Are they going to agree on a list of rules first, or will they agree that the HOH will discipline the woman for misbehavior and disobedience as he sees fit? Some couples prefer the former while others prefer the latter. As long as it works for the individual couple, that is fine. Are they going to agree on a fixed penalty for a specific offense, or the HOH decide the length and severity of each discipline, based on his assessment of the woman’s current mood and state of mind, and on his evaluation of the gravity of the individual offense? In Domestic Discipline we tend to prefer the latter method, where the punishment is adjusted to fit not only the crime, but also to fit the woman’s mood and attitude at the time of her discipline. This approach enables a more organic and humane method of disciplining a woman, because she is not a robot or a machine that requires exactly the same treatment every time. Sometimes she may require a harsher discipline to bring her to tears successfully, while at other times she may require less spanking to achieve the same sobbing and repentant outcome.
However, it must also be noted that some couples have a set number of swats (sometimes with a specific spanking implement) for a specific offense, and that this approach works very well for them. It does provide a high degree of consistency that some women (and some HOH’s) find very comforting and reassuring. Its main drawback is its chance of resulting in an insufficient discipline, leaving the woman grumpy and frustrated after her spanking because she has not achieved the level of submission to her HOH that her discipline is supposed to achieve.
Another approach which is similar to the set number of swats for a specific offense is to spank the woman for a set period of time for a specific offense. So, for example, she might be spanked for five minutes for a simple case of case of feminine misbehavior, such as failing to fulfill her basic responsibility to maintain the home in a reasonable state of cleanliness. She might be spanked for ten minutes for having been disrespectful to her HOH by swearing at him or verbally abusing him. For a more serious offense, such as careless, selfish and dangerous behavior like driving drunk, she might be spanked for a good half hour. These approaches are quite simple and straightforward, which tends to suggest that they are a model of consistency, since the woman receives a set punishment for a set offense. However, just like the previous system where the woman receives a set number of swats per offense, this timed method can sometimes leave the woman insufficiently punished for her misbehavior. When she is insufficiently punished, she will often feel that her HOH has been inconsistent with her, even though he has followed the system (of a set discipline for a set offense) to the letter. Read the article on “Insufficient Discipline” for more information on this topic.
A Domestic Discipline lifestyle involves setting up some rules for a woman’s behavior that can be monitored by her HOH. If she breaks a rule, then she knows that she must be disciplined for doing so. This discipline teaches her to behave in a more submissive, obedient and loving way. Some couples set up rules together, while others rely on the HOH to create them. Some rules of feminine behavior are actually suggested by the woman, because she wants to work on some negative aspect of her own behavior or attitudes that she can feel is holding her back from becoming a happier and more loving woman.
Some couples like to write down these rules of behavior and attitude, while others are quite happy to keep them on a purely verbal basis of agreement . Some women may have a tendency to debate the rules when they are actually called on them. They may argue with their HOH that a particular rule does not apply to a specific case of misbehavior because there are extenuating circumstances. Sometimes there really are extenuating circumstances and sometimes the woman is just trying to escape a justly deserved punishment. It is the unenviable task of the HOH to decide the truth of the matter and then to decide whether to discipline his woman or not.
The first part of consistency is consistent rules. If a HOH sets up a rule for his woman’s behavior, he needs to make sure that it is consistent with any other rules he may have created. He cannot create a rule which says that his woman should dress in an attractive and feminine way, while at the same time creating another rule that dictates that her clothing must be as demure and shapeless as a nun’s at all times. These two rules are obviously in conflict and therefore communicate inconsistency to the woman. She is not certain of what is required of her because the rules she has been given are not consistent.
Inconsistent rules are not normally a huge problem in Domestic Discipline. Most HOH’s realize that they cannot ask unreasonable things of their women. Inconsistent rules usually end up in creating an unreasonable or impossible situation for her. Many couples find it fairly simple and straightforward to agree on a consistent set of rules for her behavior. These rules may change and develop over time. They may be added to or subtracted from, as need and common sense dictate.
Other couples leave rules completely alone. They agree that the woman will be punished for disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect, but leave it at that. The HOH then has the responsibility of deciding whether a woman’s misbehavior constitutes disobedience, dishonesty or disrespect. If he decides that her misbehavior constitutes one (or more) of those three D’s and is therefore punishable, he will next decide how severely she needs to be punished. The benefit of avoiding any rules other than the three D’s is that the woman’s ability to argue finer points of law is dramatically reduced. This means that she is less likely to argue with her HOH when he decides to discipline her, which makes for a smoother and more loving disciplinary process. It increases her opportunities to submit to her HOH, rather than to do battle with him. It increases her chances of receiving the discipline she deserves and needs. It increases her chances of learning her lesson about her misbehavior. It reduces the emotional stress that her HOH experiences as a result of not only having to spank her for misbehavior, but also of having to argue with her about whether she actually deserves to be punished or not.
Setting consistent limits to a woman’s behavior is very important in Domestic Discipline. It makes sense that the limits that her HOH sets her should be consistent, so that she gets a feeling that a consistent standard of behavior is always required of her. One of the easiest ways to achieve consistency in limit-setting is to keep the limits simple. Let her know that swearing, for example, is not acceptable behavior at any time. Allowing swearing under certain circumstances or on certain occasions is inconsistent, confusing and illogical. Setting a simple limit to a woman’s behavior is often the same as setting a consistent limit to her behavior.
A HOH must create consistent consequences for his woman’s misbehavior. This simply means that if he spanks her to tears for a minor misdemeanor, he should not spank her for a more serious offense without ensuring that she is sobbing repentantly by the end of her punishment. The amount and severity of the actual spanking may vary, because he may need to adjust these based on her current mood and attitudes, but the relative outcomes must be consistent. If she is brought to tears for a very minor offense, she should certainly be brought to very copious tears for a more serious offense. The consequences of her different types of misbehavior must be consistent, even if they are not identical. Delivering consistent consequences for feminine misbehavior is about maintaining the relative differences between offenses, so that it is always clear to the woman that she is being punished according to the seriousness of her misbehavior. She should know that if she gets a moderate spanking for a moderately significant offense, she will get a severe spanking for a serious offense.
A man needs to be consistent when he punishes his woman for misbehavior. This means that he needs to ensure that she is always punished for any disciplinable offense that she may commit. It means that she is always punished for misbehavior. If she breaks a rule or behaves in any manner that is quite obviously dishonest, disrespectful or disobedient, then it follows that she should be disciplined for this feminine misbehavior. She must be punished for it.
Inconsistent punishment is when a woman is allowed to get away with misbehavior. She may sometimes be disciplined for misbehavior but at other times, identical bad behavior or attitude may pass totally unpunished. Sometimes this inconsistency may surprise her. Sometimes it may relieve her, if she has been very afraid of being punished for her misbehavior. But most of the time, inconsistent punishment will disappoint and frustrate her.
One of the primary causes of bratting and increased feminine disobedience to her HOH is inconsistent punishment of her misbehavior. It is vital that the HOH always punish his woman when she misbehaves. It is critical for her development as a woman and as a wife that he does so. If she misbehaves, punishment should be automatic.
This can raise some problems for the busy HOH who may not have time to discipline his dishonest, disobedient or disrespectful wife. There may be children running around the house who prevent immediate Domestic Discipline from taking place. A visitor may be due to arrive at any minute, or the HOH may have to rush off to work. There are a multitude of reasons which can prevent immediate discipline from taking place.
It is worth noting that consistent punishment does not always mean immediate punishment. Some women wrongly imagine that immediacy equates to consistency, but this is not true. Sometimes it can be much more productive for the HOH to inform his woman that she will be disciplined for her misbehavior at a later date. This leaves her with the knowledge that she is going to be disciplined for her misbehavior, even if it is not immediate. Sometimes a delayed punishment can have a better effect than an immediate punishment because the woman has a lot of time to reflect on the spanking she is going to receive, as well as having a lot of time to reflect on what she did to deserve her coming spanking. Many women would prefer to get their punishment over and done with, because the waiting period before the spanking can become a sort of discipline in itself.
It is important for a HOH to discipline his woman with consistent firmness. This generally means that she should receive a punishment of approximately equal severity for each of two similar or identical offenses. If she swears at her HOH on Tuesday and she is punished by being spanked until she cries, it would be inconsistently firm of him to spank her on Friday for swearing but not bring her to tears. She should be spanked to tears on both occasions, not just once.
Remember too that consistent firmness does not mean the same amount of discipline for the same offense. It does not mean giving the woman 50 swats for swearing on Tuesday and 50 swats for the same offense on Friday, or giving her a 15 minute spanking on both days. It means punishing her with the same degree of firmness on each occasion. If she is spanked to tears on Tuesday, then she should also be spanked to tears on Friday. Bringing her to tears may involve more or less spanking, depending on her current mood and attitude. She may need to be spanked for only 5 minutes in order to bring her to contrite tears on Tuesday, while on Friday she may require a good 30 minute punishment spanking before she starts crying genuine tears of repentance. Her response to discipline is a variable and organic factor, not a rigid physical constant. Consistent firmness takes this variation into account and ensures that the woman receives the discipline she deserves and needs.
Maintenance Discipline is one of the central and most important techniques used in the Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Maintenance Discipline has an incredible number of benefits for the woman and for the couple. Among other things, Maintenance Discipline will act as a regular and frequent reminder to the woman that she is subject to discipline by her HOH for her misbehavior. It will help to maintain her good behavior and good attitude. It will reduce the need for punishment spankings, because her behavior will tend to be better as a result of her Maintenance Discipline session. These benefits and more are discussed in detail in the Maintenance Discipline article, and so will not be repeated here.
The key to Maintenance Discipline is its regularity. The standard recommended interval for Maintenance Discipline is one week, but some HOH’s find that they need to use Maintenance Discipline every two or three days, or even daily, while others only administer a Maintenance Discipline spanking a few times a year. If a HOH has been giving his woman a weekly Maintenance Discipline, it is normally important to keep that regularity in place. The regularity of Maintenance Discipline relates directly to consistency. If a scheduled Maintenance Discipline is missed, the woman’s behavior and attitude will generally suffer, because consistency has been damaged.
Since the key to Maintenance Discipline is regularity, anything that reduces or eliminates regularity is going to adversely affect the woman and her behavior. It is critical to ensure that Maintenance Discipline is given regularly.
Consistency is also an issue with Maintenance Discipline itself. Normally speaking, each Maintenance Discipline should be approximately the same severity. If the woman is brought to tears each time, that is a sign of a well-administered Maintenance Discipline spanking. However, her general attitude and behavior since her last Maintenance Discipline may dictate that she needs to receive a more severe Maintenance Discipline from time to time. A Maintenance Discipline can be more severe if she needs that extra severity to help her to behave better by dealing with minor instances of misbehavior since her last maintenance spanking.
There are a number of different reasons why inconsistency can adversely affect a Domestic Discipline relationship. One of the most common is due to an excessively ambitious schedule. Some couples get quite enthusiastic about Domestic Discipline when they first begin, which is quite normal. They start to experience the wonderful benefits of Domestic Discipline and as a result, want to maximize their experience of these benefits. This can lead some couples to set unrealistic expectations for themselves in their practice of Domestic Discipline. For example, some couples may institute a daily review of the woman’s behavior and attitude. If her behavior is not acceptable, then she will be disciplined by her HOH. This is fine in the early stages of Domestic Discipline, but it is not a sustainable practice, because it requires too much time and effort over the longer term. Although an HOH may be impressed by the results that he gains from administering Domestic Discipline to his woman on a frequent basis, he will eventually get tired of having to monitor her behavior on a daily basis and also having to discipline her for misbehavior, potentially every day. This is not a sign of inconsistency. It is a sign of sheer exhaustion.
One of the main reasons that a man may be attracted to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle is its promise of greater domestic harmony and peace within the home. Domestic Discipline certainly does promote vastly greater harmony and peace in the home. But having to constantly micromanage his woman’s behavior on a daily basis is the opposite of peace and harmony, because a punishment spanking is not peaceful. It is incredibly effective and it promotes love and harmony, but it is not inherently harmonious itself. Sooner or later the HOH is going to feel like he needs a bit of peace and quiet. But having to conduct a daily review of his woman’s behavior and having to punish her for misbehavior as often as every day can be extremely tiring for any HOH, both physically and emotionally. It takes great moral strength and courage to discipline the woman you love. To have to do that day after day can wear down even the most strong, courageous and committed HOH.
A much better solution to the enthusiasm of the early stages of a Domestic Discipline relationship is the institution of frequent and regular Maintenance Discipline spankings, combined with Journaling. With Journaling, the woman can record her misbehavior in her diary. At the end of the week, her HOH can review her journal and decide which offenses require punishment spankings, and which do not. This can easily be integrated into a regular Maintenance Discipline schedule. The HOH is not required to micromanage his wife’s behavior, but he can still catch and deal with any misbehavior at her weekly Journal review. This is a far less onerous responsibility than having to review her behavior every single day.
This is not to say that a woman should not be encouraged to confess her misbehavior to her HOH at any time. But her discipline should not take place so frequently that her HOH becomes mentally and emotionally exhausted from having to constantly discipline her. This is a sign that perhaps she just needs some erotic spankings, or alternatively that a more frequent Maintenance Discipline schedule would be appropriate.
Another reason for inconsistency is a lack of self-discipline on the part of the HOH. This is an easy thing to point out and to condemn, but a difficult thing to actually implement as an HOH. Plenty of women complain about the inconsistency, whether real or perceived, of their HOH. But few realize just how weighty the responsibilities of a HOH really are. Being a successful and loving HOH requires an incredible amount of self-discipline. On one hand, he needs to exercise self-discipline so that he does not punish his woman more than necessary. He needs to punish her enough to teach her a lesson, but not so much that he feels he has gone too far. He needs to control and channel his anger into a successful discipline that brings her to tears, yet he must not allow his anger to take control of him. These feats are achieved via self-discipline.
A man cannot discipline his woman properly if he cannot first discipline himself via his own self-discipline. This does not mean that only a Zen master can become an HOH. In fact, most men find that they are transformed by their roles as HOH’s. Being a HOH makes a man realize just how serious his role as the leader of his household actually is. “Power corrupts,” the saying goes. But the power that comes with the role of HOH seems to have the opposite effect of corruption. It forces and obliges a man to become more wise, to understand that he is making decisions for his loved ones, not just for himself. If he makes the wrong decisions for his loved ones, he will eventually suffer too. So it is in his own self interest to take the best care possible of the woman (and the children) he loves. This does not only mean the provision of financial and physical protection. It also means the provision of moral guidance. It means showing and teaching his woman the right way to behave. It means disciplining her for misbehavior, if necessary. Because any failure to provide leadership will firstly affect her. Secondly, it will affect their couple. Ultimately, it will affect him. So the wise HOH disciplines his woman for her own benefit, for the benefit of their marriage and for his own benefit. This does tend to make self-discipline easier.
Nonetheless, no man can maintain perfect self-discipline constantly. Sooner or later he will feel too tired, or too stressed, or too exasperated, or simply too disinterested to discipline his woman properly. Unfortunately, this lapse in self-discipline can have serious and negative effects on their Domestic Discipline lifestyle, because the woman will start to feel that her HOH doesn’t care enough about her to discipline her when she needs to be disciplined for her own good. She will perceive his momentary lapse in self-discipline as a major sign of inconsistency.
Another reason why a HOH can sometimes allow himself to become inconsistent in his treatment of his woman is due to his love of her. After all, it was love that brought them together in the first place, wasn’t it? So any man who loves his woman will sometimes want to cut her some slack. He will want to forgive her misbehavior, instead of corporally punishing her for it. He will want to not spoil her day or her happy mood by suddenly getting all stern and spanking her to tears. Because he loves her. Just as he always has. Paradoxically, the love he has for his woman will not be noticed by her if he does not discipline her for her misbehavior. Instead, she will feel the opposite. If he fails to discipline her for misbehavior, she will actually feel unloved by him. She won’t feel loved at all. The HOH who does not understand this fact will fall into a dangerous cycle of leniency. Each time she misbehaves, he will cut her some slack as a gesture of love. This will inspire further misbehavior from her. Eventually, matters may spiral out of control into a serious crisis – either for Domestic Discipline or for their relationship.
Some HOH’s are inconsistent because they don’t feel comfortable dealing with their woman’s resistance to discipline. They don’t mind disciplining her as long as she is fully submissive to her discipline, but if she resists in any way, they don’t want to feel like they are some kind of wife-abusing rapist who forces her to do things against her will. Some of this discomfort may be based on a man’s love of his woman, while other parts of it may be based on a fear he has of dealing with her resistance. This fear may be unfounded or it may be legitimate. After all, a man knows that she could take the children and most of his money if she really decided she wanted to divorce him and make a big deal of the “cruel and abusive” Domestic Discipline lifestyle he “inflicted” on her. So not all of his fear is illusory or imaginary. Some of it is based on genuine risk that he is taking.
Some men are inconsistent because they don’t feel comfortable making their woman cry during a punishment spanking. They may feel comfortable in disciplining her for feminine misbehavior, but cannot always bring themselves to spank her harshly enough to bring her to tears. This variation in resolve can sometimes feel very inconsistent to the woman who is receiving the spanking. Some HOH’s need to be sufficiently annoyed or angry in order to discipline their woman effectively. The ideal and perfect HOH will have sufficient self control to be able to discipline her as gently or as harshly as she needs on any given occasion. Instead of relying on emotion to determine how severe the spanking will be, he relies on his intellect and his love for his woman. He will give her as mild or as severe a spanking as she needs, because he objectively and unemotionally assesses the situation and determines her punishment accordingly.
Sometimes a HOH can become inconsistent with disciplining his woman because he feels guilt at having to hurt her as part of her discipline, even though he knows that it for her own good. He just doesn’t feel right about hurting her repeatedly until she bursts into tears, even though he knows how effective and beneficial it is for his woman, for her attitude and for her behavior. This guilt is entirely misplaced, because he is doing the right thing for her and for his relationship with her. He is already experiencing the benefits and improvements that Domestic Discipline brings to a couple, yet he begins to doubt whether he should be doing it. After all, it seems so easy and so effective at restoring love, harmony and balance to their relationship and to the home. It is almost too good to be true. And so unfortunately, some HOH’s become inconsistent with their discipline because they feel a misplaced sense of guilt about the success of their efforts as an HOH. But instead of feeling guilty about their success, they should be feeling happy and proud. After all, it is thanks to their own efforts and self-discipline that their woman has become so much happier, better behaved and more loving. A man should not feel guilty about this kind of success. It is the kind of success that most people in difficult relationships dream about.
The root cause of most inconsistency among HOH’s is misunderstanding. Not misunderstanding their woman, but misunderstanding her needs. Many HOH’s are still unable to understand their woman’s need for discipline, even though they live their Domestic Discipline lifestyle on a daily basis. Many HOH’s are glad that Domestic Discipline works, even though they don’t really know why it works or how it works. They just like that it works. But not knowing how or why Domestic Discipline works can sometimes lead a HOH into misunderstanding his woman’s need for discipline, which can then lead to inconsistency.
When a man understands his woman’s need for discipline, he understands that discipline, although painful and unpleasant, is actually beneficial for her as a woman. Discipline helps her to be a better woman and a happier person. This awareness of the benefits of Domestic Discipline enables the HOH to administer discipline regularly and effectively. He will have no hesitation in bringing his woman to tears during a punishment spanking or a Maintenance Discipline because he knows how much it will benefit her. He knows that the paradox of Domestic Discipline is that the pain and humiliation of the corporal punishment that he inflicts on his woman are responsible for creating love, respect and harmony. The paradox of Domestic Discipline is that physical discipline of the misbehaving female creates love. When a HOH knows and accepts this paradox, he understands his woman and he understands how Domestic Discipline works. The chances of him being inconsistent are greatly reduced.
Misunderstanding a woman is quite easy. A woman who cries and struggles when she receives Domestic Discipline seems like she would prefer not to be disciplined in this way. It seems logical to assume that she would be happier if she were not being disciplined, or if she were disciplined less frequently. But the feminine psyche does not necessarily follow the rules of masculine logic. So a HOH has to go beyond the simple, surface appearances which might dictate a simplistic and apparently logical inference – that a woman would be better off with less frequent discipline. He needs to get inside her head and realize that discipline benefits her in so many ways. He needs to understand that discipline will almost always be beneficial for her as a woman.
A woman needs consistency in a Domestic Discipline relationship for a number of different reasons. She firstly need consistency because she needs to be disciplined properly. If there is a problem with inconsistency of punishment, she will sometimes receive an excessive punishment and at other times will be inadequately disciplined. As explained in the article, “Insufficient Discipline,” excessive punishment is usually less harmful for her mental and emotional state than inadequate or insufficient discipline. A positive approach to consistency will yield positive results. Each discipline will be thorough and effective, leaving the woman in no doubt as to the expectations of her HOH in regard to her future behavior and attitude.
A woman needs consistent rules and limits so that she knows what is expected of her. She knows how to behave or act in an unfamiliar situation, because she knows what her HOH would normally expect of her behavior and attitude. She knows that her HOH has a clear vision of how her behavior is supposed to improve and evolve over time, so that she becomes a more loving and respectful woman. She does not worry that her HOH seems to have no idea of how he really wants her to behave. She has no fear of receiving an unusually harsh discipline for an offense that only merited a relatively mild punishment spanking. She also knows that if she does behave in a way that is not acceptable, that she fully deserves any punishment spanking that she might receive as a consequence of her feminine misbehavior.
A woman needs consistency in a Domestic Discipline relationship because she needs to feel her HOH’s guidance and correction. She wants him to guide her in her behavior and attitudes. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have asked for Domestic Discipline in the first place. She may not enjoy being spanked to tears, but she certainly enjoys the benefit of her HOH’s guidance in her life. Depriving her of consistency is also depriving her of his wise guidance and correction of her misbehavior.
A woman needs consistency from her HOH because she needs to feel loved. When her HOH is inconsistent with any aspect of his practice of Domestic Discipline, the woman will begin to feel unloved. This is usually a complete misunderstanding of her HOH’s motives, of course, but according to the rules of feminine logic, her HOH doesn’t love her if he fails to discipline her consistently. It is important for her HOH to realize this and to make the connection between disciplining his woman and her perception of whether he loves her or not. Even though he does love her, regardless of his consistency, he will want to make sure that she knows that he loves her. Giving her consistent discipline is a simple but effective way to remind her that he does love her. It shows that he cares enough to discipline her for her misbehavior. A man who doesn’t care at all about his wife will simply let her do whatever she wants, because he feels completely separate from her. He does not feel as though he has a shared destiny with her. But a man who cares for her will discipline her for her own good, because he wants what is best for her, even if he has to bring her to tears as part of the process.
Being in a Domestic Discipline relationship where the HOH is consistent gives a great feeling of emotional security to a woman. The moral courage and strength that her HOH displays, every time he disciplines her for misbehavior, is a sign that he is strong enough to take care of her and to protect her, even from herself. And as you probably know, a woman’s very worst enemy is usually herself, not others. When a woman’s HOH has been loving and kind enough to provide her with the deep emotional security that comes from living the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, he needs to be aware of what he has given her. If he suddenly becomes inconsistent with his discipline of her, she will feel the painful loss of this emotional security. She will feel lost and lonely. She will feel as though she exposed her innermost need for discipline to him, but that he has retreated from his promise to stand firm against her feminine misbehavior. He has retreated from his promise to punish her whenever she misbehaves. She will feel that he has retreated from his promise to deal with her firmly and decisively, whenever she needs to be punished for her own good.
Consistency also makes a woman feel that she has been justly disciplined when she is spanked for misbehavior or disobedience. She feels that her punishment spanking is part of a consistent and fair system of rules and consequences. The rules outline what kinds of behavior are acceptable and the consequences dictate what kinds of punishment are necessary for breaking a rule. Of course, the justness or otherwise of a discipline is not necessarily the most important issue when it comes to Domestic Discipline. As outlined in the “Unjust Discipline” article, a woman will still gain great emotional and moral benefit from an unjust discipline. It will still be useful and effective in the context of a Domestic Discipline relationship. After all, a Maintenance Discipline is inherently “unjust,” on the face of things, yet Maintenance Discipline is extremely effective and beneficial for any woman in a Domestic Discipline relationship. You can read more about Maintenance Discipline in the article of the same name.
One important reason why a woman needs consistency in a Domestic Discipline relationship is because it helps to remind her who is the boss. If she ever forgets, consistent discipline will to teach her that her HOH is the boss, not her. A consistent approach to disciplining a woman for feminine misbehavior is critical for maintaining a woman’s respect and love for her HOH in his role as the leader of their household. If a woman has been well-behaved for some time, she can easily forget her responsibilities to herself and to her HOH. Forgetting that her man is also her HOH can lead her into temptation. It can increase the likelihood of feminine misbehavior. Consistent discipline will quickly and effectively resolve this type of problem.
Consistency is also important because it reduces or eliminates unnecessary bratting by the woman. A woman brats when she feels that her HOH is not really committed to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, or when she wants to test his resolve, or for a number of other different reasons. A thorough explanation of the causes of and cures for bratting can be found in the “Bratting” post. It is not necessary to restate here every point made in that article. But consistency is an important part of preventing bratting, because the woman is taught at all times that she is responsible for her actions and words, and that any misbehavior will be consistently punished by her HOH with Domestic Discipline. There is no need for the kind of bratting that is a form of testing, because her HOH will consistently discipline her for misbehavior. Consistency removes any doubt in the woman’s mind. That being the case, however, a lack of consistency is not an EXCUSE for bratting. It may be a contributing factor in bratting, but it is not an excuse for such misbehavior.
One of the most important reasons for consistency is that it simply reduces misbehavior. A consistent approach to discipline will consistently reduce feminine misbehavior. It sounds rather obvious but is worth restating, because many women are quite indignant about their HOH’s apparent or presumed lack of consistency. Sometimes a woman can focus more on the inconsistency of her HOH rather than the feminine misbehavior that arises as a result of this inconsistency. But misbehavior is the most severe consequence of inconsistent approaches to the Domestic Discipline of a woman. The primary goal of the corporal punishment found in Domestic Discipline is to deal with female misbehavior. It has other goals too, but that is the single most important one. A lack of consistency will result in a higher incidence of feminine disobedience, disrespect and dishonesty.
As one might also expect, a lack of consistency also results in significantly greater marital and domestic disharmony. The firm but reassuring framework that Domestic Discipline provides for a woman is lost or damaged when consistency is not optimal. Her resulting misbehavior tends to tear at the fabric of domestic harmony and peace. It also attacks the harmony of the love relationship between the man and his woman. While it is the woman’s misbehavior that actually causes these negative impacts, it is also the HOH’s lack of consistency that has allowed the feminine misbehavior to surface.
Another reason why a woman needs consistency in a Domestic Discipline relationship is because consistency makes her punishments more effective. A consistent approach to discipline will always result in a more effective discipline, because the HOH is determined to punish his woman properly and thoroughly. A thorough punishment is an effective punishment, because it teaches the woman her lesson, it brings her to tears, it makes her submissive to her HOH, it releases her stress, it punishes her misbehavior, it teaches her obedience and it provides closure to the episode of feminine misbehavior that disturbed the marital and domestic harmony in the first place.
If punishment is not effective, it becomes merely symbolic. Some women will still benefit from a symbolic punishment, but the majority of women need a genuinely painful, humbling and intense punishment to get real benefit from the disciplinary process. So consistency is important if the HOH wants his woman to receive an effective discipline.
There are a number of different ways of achieving consistency in Domestic Discipline. Some methods are more appropriate for some couples while others suit other couples. This is not a list of techniques that needs to be followed to the letter by every single couple. It is simply an examination of ways of achieving consistency that can be useful for some people.
The first method of achieving greater consistency is to have some strict rules in place for the woman’s behavior and attitude. These might be written down or stated or agree verbally, depending on how the couple wants to go about it. But sometimes inconsistency arises simply because the HOH is not sure whether his woman’s misbehavior is covered by an existing rule or not. Some couples rely on a written contract or agreement which stipulates what kinds of misbehavior are punishable offenses in a Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Others prefer to agree on the rules verbally. Yet other couples will leave all decisions on what constitutes feminine misbehavior up to the HOH to decide and to punish at his discretion. Some couples will rely solely on the three D’s: disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect, since they are fairly general concepts that cover almost all instances of feminine misbehavior.
Creating too many rules can be a trap for the Domestic Discipline couple. Either because it becomes too difficult for the HOH to remember all the rules, or because the whole exercise turns into micromanagement, rather than Domestic Discipline. Domestic Discipline is not about micromanagement. It is about the authority of the male HOH and the woman’s feminine submission to his loving guidance and correction as he teaches her to be a better person. A HOH who is sure of his authority does not need to micromanage his woman because he sets simple and clear rules of behavior and attitude for her. Micromanagement means that a HOH doesn’t really trust himself to know what is right. He must know what is right so that he can teach his woman what is right. When rules are simple and clear, the woman will know what is expected of her and the HOH will know when to discipline her for breaking a rule.
Once a rule has been set by the HOH or by a couple’s mutual agreement, the HOH must enforce the rules very strictly. A lack of strict enforcement of rules will lead almost inevitably to inconsistency and its concomitant problems for the woman’s behavior and attitude. It is very tempting for a man to give his woman the “benefit of doubt” when she has committed an offense that he is not sure is punishable or not. When he is not sure whether to punish her or not, he can easily be tempted to give her the benefit of doubt. Which almost always means that she is not disciplined for her misbehavior. It is very understandable that a HOH would want to give his woman the benefit of doubt when he is not sure whether to punish her or not. His natural love and affection for her will come to the forefront and make him more likely to give her the benefit of doubt. His natural and loving desire not to have to make her unhappy by spanking her to tears will subconsciously encourage him to give her the benefit of doubt.
But if a man really loves his woman, he should never give her the benefit of doubt. Because the benefit of doubt leads to never punishing a woman whenever there is the slightest shred of doubt. And when a woman has committed an offense and she knows she is due for a spanking, she is desperate to avoid the punishment she knows she deserves. She will say anything to escape being disciplined. Her natural creativity will spring into action and she will invent all kinds of plausible and reasonable factors that introduce an element of doubt into the proceedings. Her fear of her punishment will compel her to say things to make her HOH doubt himself and his own judgement. As soon as that happens, he may be tempted to give her the benefit of doubt, which means not disciplining her for her misbehavior. This first instance is the thin end of the wedge. The rest of the wedge is inconsistency and frustration for everyone concerned.
A man who truly loves his woman and wants to do what is best for her should never give her the benefit of doubt. He should always discipline her and follow his initial instincts. As someone who knows her so intimately, his first instincts will usually be the right instincts. He is not having to evaluate the behavior and attitude of someone he has never met before. He is assessing the behavior and attitude of the person whom he knows more intimately and more lovingly than anyone else in the world. So he should rely on his instincts. If these instincts are telling him that she has been misbehaving and needs to be disciplined, they are probably going to be right. If he goes ahead and punishes her for misbehavior, he will deal effectively with her problem and will have avoided any inconsistency that he might have risked if he had not punished her.
What if he was wrong? What if his instincts were not right and she really didn’t commit the offense that he thought she did? In this case, there is a lot less risk than you might think. The woman will naturally resent being disciplined for something that she didn’t actually do. But she will still benefit enormously from the submission and emotional release that a punishment spanking produces. She will still learn a useful lesson in obedience to her HOH. She will still gain a lot from her discipline, unjust though it may be. For more information on this issue, please read the article on “Unjust Discipline” in the Previous Posts section on the right of the page.
It is important for a HOH to keep his promises. If he has discovered an instance of punishable feminine misbehavior and he has informed his woman that she can expect to be disciplined later for her behavior, then he needs to keep this promise. He needs to discipline her when he said he was going to discipline her. If some urgent or important matter arises that prevents him from carrying out the discipline at the scheduled time, he needs to ensure that it is rescheduled for a later time or date. A promised discipline must always be delivered. If not, inconsistency and general feminine disobedience will surely result.
Sometimes a HOH may simply forget about a threatened punishment because other things may push it out of his mind. There is sometimes no avoiding this. But it can be dealt with in a constructive way. The HOH can simply tell his woman that he is going to discipline her for a particular offense at a certain time or date, just as he would normally do. But he can also tell her that she is responsible for reminding him if he forgets to discipline her. Since she is the one being disciplined, she is unlikely to forget that she has a punishment due. By making her responsible for reminding him of his intention to discipline her, he also makes this potential reminder part of her discipline. If she forgets to remind him at the designated time, she is guilty of disobedience to him in a disciplinary situation. Such disobedience would normally merit a Disobedience Discipline to teach her the importance of obedience to her HOH, especially when that obedience relates to discipline.
If the woman does remind her HOH that she has a discipline coming to her and he still does not carry through on his promise or threat to discipline her for her misbehavior, then he has an internal problem with enforcing discipline. He needs to think about his own self-discipline and its implications for the Domestic Discipline lifestyle. He relies on his own self-discipline to do the basic things in life – brushing his teeth, paying the bills, putting out the trash, etc. Although he doesn’t need to do any of these things, the consequences of not doing them mean that the small amount of self-discipline necessary to carry them out is definitely worthwhile. It is the same thing in Domestic Discipline. The self-discipline that a HOH needs in order to enforce the rules of his household can be at times tiring and/or unpleasant. But the consequences of abandoning this self-discipline are far worse than the relatively minor inconvenience of forcing himself to fulfill these responsibilities.
The most common reasons for a HOH to abandon his disciplinary responsibilities are fatigue, sex and stress. Fatigue can affect a man physically and mentally. It can come from both physical and mental sources. Some men are physically tired after hard physical work. Others are tired after hard mental work. It doesn’t really matter what the cause is – everyone gets tired and fatigued sometimes. When a man is fatigued, he naturally wants to avoid having to carry out additional tasks that involve effort. One such task is the need to discipline a misbehaving woman. He may simply be too tired to discipline her, even though he knows that is what should be done for her own good.
He can avoid disciplining her altogether. This is the worst possible outcome, because it creates inconsistency and negative feminine behavior. Or he can force himself to discipline her, in spite of his fatigue. This may be effective in some situations, but may also create further fatigue that could have negative effects on the HOH and his work. Another alternative is to briefly postpone the punishment until the next day or so. By doing that, he avoids fatiguing himself further, while remaining consistent in his determination to discipline his woman for her feminine misbehavior. As previously mentioned, he should instruct her to remind him of his decision to discipline her the next day (or whenever it is scheduled for) and enforce her obedience on this reminder, since it pertains to actual discipline. Any failure on her part to remind him can be treated as an instance where Disobedience Discipline is necessary.
Sexual desire is another reason why a HOH will sometimes avoid disciplining his woman. He may view the disciplinary process as merely a prelude to sex. If one views discipline as a form of foreplay, then it is easy to gloss over the disciplinary aspect of spanking in one’s hurry to get to the sexual side of matters. But although this may fulfill an immediate desire for sexual connection and release, it certainly creates a lot of frustration and resentment in the woman that will return later in the form of disobedience bratting. A HOH needs to gird his loins when it comes to discipline before sex. He needs to discipline his woman fully and thoroughly before worrying about whether he is going to get the sexual fulfillment he seeks. This is a simple matter of self-discipline. That doesn’t mean it is easy. It is simple but it can sometimes be quite difficult.
If a man feels that his desire for sex is so strong that he cannot discipline his woman properly first, he can solve the problem differently. He can discipline her AFTER they have had sex. This may sound a little unusual to some people, but it is the perfect solution for many men. If discipline makes a man think of sex more than of punishment, the simplest solution is to go ahead and make love. After the lovemaking has come to its natural conclusion and the post-coital cuddling is fully complete, he can address himself to disciplining his woman for her prior misbehavior. As long as he is not so exhausted by sex that he has already fallen asleep, there is no reason why he can’t discipline her AFTER lovemaking rather than before.
Stress can have similar effects to fatigue, sometimes. Stress can so fill a man’s mind that he doesn’t feel capable of disciplining his woman properly and effectively. It is worth remembering, however, that a successful and thorough Domestic Discipline session can have many benefits for the HOH too. It is a substantial achievement on his part which demonstrates his ability to successfully resolve domestic and personal problems relating to his wife’s behavior. The victory that he accomplishes over his woman’s misbehavior can often translate into a more positive, success-oriented approach to his own problems. Disciplining his woman for misbehavior can actually help to reduce his own stress by giving him a positive experience of successful problem resolution. So the wise HOH will always punish his woman for misbehavior, even if he is experiencing personal stress, because he will be helping not only her but also himself.
Consistency is important in the actual discipline too. As previously discussed, it is often better to discipline a woman based on the effects and results of the discipline, rather than on the number of swats or the duration of the spanking. Such mechanistic and numerical approaches to punishment do not sit well with the fact that a woman is a complex living being whose moods and whose physical state varies from hour to hour and from day to day. The HOH should always adjust the punishment not only to fit the crime, but also to fit the current state of mind and body of his woman. If her last Domestic Discipline session had her in tears after the second swat, there is no guarantee that her current discipline will have the same effect. It might take fifty or sixty swats to bring her to the same state of tearfulness that she reached last time after only two swats. The HOH needs to listen to his woman’s tears, entreaties and statements in order to know what effect his discipline is having upon her. He cannot rely on mathematics to produce an effective punishment.
One of the simplest and easiest ways for a HOH to achieve consistency in Domestic Discipline is the technique known as Maintenance Discipline. A good Maintenance Discipline schedule is the single most effective way for a HOH to create a consistent approach to discipline in his household. It is the regularity of Maintenance Discipline that automatically creates a feeling of consistency for the disciplined woman. She knows that she is going to be disciplined on a regular basis, no matter what she has or has not done. She knows that her submission and her obedience will be forced from her during her Maintenance Discipline spanking as a matter of course. She knows that her HOH will regularly and firmly assert his dominant, masculine and protective role as Head of Household, via a regular Maintenance Discipline spanking. She also knows that her Maintenance Discipline will catch and deal with any previously unpunished misbehavior that she has been guilty of since her last maintenance spanking.
Maintenance Discipline is a powerful and practical demonstration of a HOH’s ongoing commitment to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle and to his woman. Maintenance Discipline is the soul of consistency because it is regular. It is also a powerful contributor to consistency because it is not actually “deserved,” in the strict sense of the word, although it is very much “needed.” A woman doesn’t “deserve” Maintenance Discipline for non-existent misbehavior, but she does “need” it for her own submission, obedience and peace of mind. The fact that her HOH gives her what she needs as well as what she deserves is a powerful incentive for a woman to maintain her good behavior and her submission to him. Maintenance Discipline contributes to a strong sense of consistency and is the single most effective way to reassure a woman that her HOH is consistent in his commitment and approach to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle. If consistency is a problem in your Domestic Discipline relationship, Maintenance Discipline is the first technique to implement. Maintenance Discipline creates more consistency than any other Domestic Discipline technique. So many couples who are having problems with their Domestic Discipline lifestyle are not using Maintenance Discipline to remind the woman of her responsibilities and of her HOH’s commitment to this lifestyle. As soon as regular Maintenance Discipline spankings are begun, her frustration and her perception of her HOH’s lack of consistency and almost immediately resolved. I cannot recommend a regular Maintenance Discipline schedule too highly.
Journaling is another technique that can help with problems of consistency in Domestic Discipline. The woman writes down any instances of misbehavior in her journal, whenever it is appropriate or necessary. On a regular basis, which is often identical to and coincides with the frequency of Maintenance Discipline spankings, the HOH reads his woman’s journal and determines what punishment she deserves for her misbehavior since her last discipline spanking or journal reading. In this way, she can receive her punishment after (or before) her Maintenance Discipline spanking. So discipline becomes a regular and consistent fixture in the couple’s life, rather than an irregular and inconsistent phenomenon. Journaling is an excellent way of achieving a much greater level of consistency in a Domestic Discipline relationship. Read the “Journaling” article for more information on this practice.
Many women feel that consistency is primarily their HOH’s problem. They believe that all consistency flows from the HOH and that it is all his responsibility, since he is the one who administers the discipline to the woman. To a certain extent, this is true. But from another point of view, it is not true at all. A woman can actually do a lot to promote consistency in her Domestic Discipline relationship, even though she is not responsible for actually administering corporal punishment for her misbehavior.
Firstly, a woman can ensure that she consistently maintains a submissive attitude to her HOH’s decisions and pronouncements on matters relating to Domestic Discipline. If he tells her that he is going to discipline her for misbehavior, then she should submissively accept his decision, rather than arguing it and trying to escape her justly deserved punishment. When she argues the facts of her misbehavior with her HOH, she is only increasing the likelihood that he will be tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She is only increasing the chances of inconsistency when she debates the justness of her punishment. Far better for her to humbly accept the discipline that her HOH has decided she is going to get, because she will benefit greatly from being taught some extra obedience and submission, as well as facilitating a more consistent approach to Domestic Discipline in her relationship.
A woman who consistently submits to her punishment will also make it easier for her HOH to consistently punish her. Often, women who report wildly varying results with being spanked to tears are also guilty of not submitting to each punishment in the same way. A woman who consistently submits to each punishment will frequently be able to be brought to tears at approximately the same stage of her discipline and will cry for approximately the same period of time. Not only this, but she will also experience a consistently high level of catharsis, stress release and moral benefit from each spanking, rather than levels that fluctuate wildly.
Consistent obedience during punishment is also important for a woman. She is in charge of her own behavior, even while she is being disciplined. If she disobeys her HOH while he is trying to discipline her, that is her own choice, not his. She can choose to obey him consistently or not. It has nothing to do with whether he is consistent, because obedience is her own personal choice. By obeying him more consistently, she is facilitating a more effective and more consistent discipline each time. She is helping herself to get the most out of each discipline, simply by obeying her HOH more consistently. Of course, the HOH can also help her with her obedience by administering a Disobedience Discipline if his woman has been disobedient during a spanking. Read the “Disobedience Discipline” article for further information on this topic.
A woman can also provide consistent praise and appreciation to her HOH for his efforts in administering Domestic Discipline to her whenever it becomes necessary. Her expressions of gratitude should not become mere formulae which are repeated after each discipline without emotion or meaning, but she should consistently thank him for disciplining her for her misbehavior. By thanking her HOH, she will be helping him to become more consistent in his approach to disciplining her. The article on “Thanking” contains plenty of useful information about the expression of gratitude by a woman to her HOH.
It is important to remember that the HOH is in charge of Domestic Discipline. What he says, goes. If he is genuinely too tired to administer a punishment spanking at a certain time, it is not appropriate for the woman to argue and debate his decision with him. She must accept his decision because he is her HOH. If he is too tired, then he is too tired and that is it. He will hopefully have the presence of mind to set a new time or date for the punishment, as well as ordering her to remind him in case he forgets.
The woman should submit to her HOH not only when he punishes her but also when he postpones a punishment for later, due to fatigue or some other reason. Feminine indignation is not going to help matters. It will only increase his reluctance to discipline her for misbehavior, because it takes away his authority. A woman who is genuinely committed to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle herself should take care to submit to her HOH whatever he decides, not just when it suits her to submit. If she only submits to decisions that she agrees with, that is not submission at all.
Consistency is also nothing to do with issues of bratting. Sometimes, a woman who complains of inconsistency is actually complaining that her HOH will not take the bait when she starts bratting in order to attract a spanking. The solution here is to either implement some (or more frequent) erotic spankings, or to implement a Maintenance Discipline schedule (or a more frequent Maintenance Discipline schedule). The article on “Bratting” contains more information on this matter.
Consistency is a complex issue fraught with many negative implications and risks. But it can be resolved very, very easily. Simple attitudes and approaches to consistency such as self-discipline, communication and Maintenance Discipline will resolve almost all of the problems that a couple may have with this particular issue. A genuine commitment to each other and to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle will resolve most remaining problems.
I strongly urge each couple to examine their practice of Domestic Discipline and ask themselves whether they are as consistent as they should be. I also urge each individual to reflect on their own attitude to consistency and what they do to either contribute to or detract from consistency in their own personal behavior. While the HOH is responsible for most issues relating to consistency, the woman can also do a lot to promote this positive value through her own behavior in her relationship with her HOH.