Although most people who read the articles on this blog are in (or are interested in being in) a heterosexual relationship where the woman is disciplined by her man, you are probably all aware that various other DD lifestyles exist. In some couples, it is the woman who disciplines the man for misbehavior, not the other way around. In other DD couples, both the man and the woman discipline each other at different times. Here at Loving Domestic Discipline we accept that other people have different lifestyle decisions than us, even if we don’t agree with them. We believe in the rightness of our own heterosexual, Loving Domestic Discipline for ourselves, but we don’t necessarily think that it is right for every other couple in the world.
Let us explore why we believe that the man can and should have the right to discipline his woman for misbehavior. Why is it that we instinctively recognize that the man is the one who is best qualified to administer discipline and not the other way around? Is there any basis to this belief, or is it just a gut feeling that some people have?
We have all seen and read various self-help and personal development gurus, on TV and in books, telling us that we all need to get in touch with our emotions. Men, in particular, often have a great need to get in touch with their emotions. And if we all got in touch with our emotions, then everything would be fine and dandy. Or would it?
This idea is basically correct – it is good for us to get in touch with our emotions, because then we understand why we are doing things the way we do them, instead of just acting unconsciously. And it is particularly good for men to get in touch with their emotions, because emotions tend to be a more mysterious and remote aspect of life for men than for women. But there is a flipside to getting in touch with your emotions.
For many women, the problem is not to get in touch with their emotions. Their problem, instead, is how to avoid being ruled by their emotions. You may wonder why this could be a bad thing. Aren’t emotions always right? Consider this situation: a woman sees a child suffering unnecessarily in pain. Overcome with compassion, she rushes to the immediate assistance of the child and removes or assuages the child’s pain. That is an example of a woman who is being ruled by her emotions, but no one would argue with her for doing so. Everyone would congratulate her for her actions, in fact.
But consider another situation – a woman sees a beautiful dress in a store that is the most wonderful thing she has ever seen in her entire life (at least in her own mind). Overcome by emotion, she rushes into the store and buys it, in spite of the fact that it costs $1000 and she has just overspent her weekly budget by $800. This was an emotional decision, one where she allowed herself to be ruled by her emotions. And most of you will agree that it was probably a bad decision – one which she will come to regret rather quickly, as soon as the emotion wears off. Consider another situation – a woman who sees a tramp who is clad in rags, who lives on the streets and who stinks of alcohol. Overcome with compassion, she decides to help him by giving him a large gift of money – $200. Of course, in most situations, the poor tramp will just go and spend it on more alcohol and possibly even drink himself to death. Yet the woman acted out of a noble emotion – compassion. But she let it overcome her and rule her, instead of just feeling it and making a more detached decision. Because she let herself be ruled by her emotions, the outcome of her actions will almost certainly be quite bad.
So there is a difference between being in touch with your emotions and being ruled by your emotions. While men sometimes have a problem with not being sufficiently in touch with their emotions, women often have a problem with being ruled by their emotions. When you are ruled by your emotions, you are not totally free. You are actually enslaved by your emotions I you allow them to rule you. Men tend to be much better at this, because they are generally less emotional than women. Men tend to make more detached, intellectual decisions about many things (not everything, of course), rather than making impassioned, emotional decisions.
It is this more detached and intellectual male reasoning that explains why men are uniquely qualified to administer Loving Domestic Discipline to their women and not the other way around. While it is true that sometimes a man can get angry about a situation in which his wife has overspent their weekly budget by $800 because she fell in love with a dress, his ultimate decision to discipline her for her misbehavior must be based on a rational, intellectual understanding of her behavior. As you may know, many couples who practice Loving Domestic Discipline wait until the man has calmed down before he disciplines her, so that the punishment may be just and fair. The man knows that he should not allow himself to be ruled by his emotions, because he runs the risk of disciplining his woman too harshly, so he waits until he is in command of himself before starting the spanking. (Other couples do not wait until he is calm, believing that his just anger will help teach the woman a stronger lesson. In a sense, it is beneficial for her to see what happens when HE is ruled by emotion – she receives a much harsher punishment).
All of this is not to suggest that men who practice Loving Domestic Discipline are emotionless robots who spank their women without feeling or mercy. Men who practice Loving Domestic Discipline feel emotions just as much as anyone else – they just don’t allow themselves to be RULED by these emotions. And it is their ability to control their own emotions that makes these men ideal candidates for administering Loving Domestic Discipline to their women, not the reverse. No one is saying that these women are not intelligent – it is certainly possible that a woman may be intellectually superior to her man on an intelligence test. But regardless of her level of intelligence, she is certainly much more likely to allow herself to be ruled by her emotions, and when she does, no amount of intelligence is going to help her. It takes the strong arm and the cool head of her man to teach her to think first before acting, to let her head get involved in decision making, not just hand all of the responsibility over to her heart.
The purpose of Loving Domestic Discipline is not to make women think exactly like men – imagine how boring the world would be if that were the case. But imagine how chaotic the world would be if men thought exactly like women! The purpose of Loving Domestic Discipline is for a man to use his unique way of functioning in the world to help his woman and his relationship with her. The purpose of Loving Domestic Discipline is for him to give her something that she does not possess herself, so that she can become a better person and a more loving partner.