Should women fear a spanking?

There is no particular prescription about Domestic Discipline that says a woman is supposed to be scared when she is about to be disciplined. However, most women are either scared or filled with some kind of dread before they are spanked. Often, a woman will be trembling like a leaf after she is told to prepare herself for a spanking by her HOH. This is entirely natural and normal. If a woman does not fear the spanking in some way, it will have no disciplinary effect, nor will it have any deterrent effect to prevent her from misbehaving in the same way afterwards.

This is a long post (10000 words, that’s 9 pages in MS Word, or 2 hours. Please take your time). Click on the anchors to jump to the respective chapters.


Context of the spanking

Women’s feelings



Domestic Discipline Beginners


How to make a woman surrender






Her HOH should not be taking any kind of pride or pleasure in her fear, but he should be man enough and strong enough to have the ability to instill this fear in her through the strength of his hand when he spanks her and the tone of his voice when he scolds her. If she does not fear being disciplined in some way, the spanking won’t have the same effect. She doesn’t necessarily fear her HOH – she fears the pain of the spanking. And the spanking comes automatically as a response to her misbehavior, so in fact she is in control of the fear, because she can control her own words and actions.

Often, the fear that a woman feels when she is about to be spanked will make it easier for her to be brought to tears when her husband begins to spank and scold her. And as you probably know already, tears are highly beneficial for the woman being disciplined, because they help her to overcome the internal resistance and stubbornness that prevent her from learning the lesson that her HOH is trying to teach her.

You may or may not feel less fear as you continue with Domestic Discipline. For some women, the fear varies with the offense committed. Even a woman who has been living a Domestic Discipline lifestyle for a few years may become quite scared if she knows that she has done something really wrong, because she knows that her spanking and scolding will be more severe than usual, and because she knows that she has severely disappointed her HOH. She knows that he won’t go easy on her, so she is likely to be more scared than usual. Even as a woman gets used to being disciplined for misbehavior, she should still be reasonably afraid of the pain of a spanking. Otherwise, it won’t have a sufficient deterrent effect on her misbehavior.

Even women who enjoy being spanked for erotic reasons will still normally dread a punishment spanking. Although you would think that these women would have less fear of a punishment spanking than someone who is only spanked for discipline, they are usually still quite afraid of being disciplined. This is because they know that the spanking will carry an entirely different meaning. Its significance goes beyond a mere physical stimulation of their bottom (an erotic spanking) and instead is meant to be something painful, unpleasant and disciplinary – something that will teach her a lesson. Many women who receive both types of spankings (erotic and punishment) report that their erotic spankings can often be physically harder and more painful than their punishment spankings. In spite of this, these women do not fear an erotic spanking, yet they dread receiving a punishment spanking, which may actually be milder and less severe.

Context of the spanking

It all depends on context. Think about people who like to go hiking and camping. They take all their food and equipment on their backs, hiking through rough terrain in all sorts of weather, before sleeping virtually in the open, without benefit of any heating or airconditioning. But this is called “fun.” It resembles what many people who are refugees from a war situation have to do – they are hiking through all sorts of terrain, carrying all their possessions on their backs. But no one envies a refugee. No one calls what they do “recreational.” Because it is not. Walking through the wilderness is called “hiking” if it is done voluntarily and it is called “refugee fleeing war” if done in a different context. So it is the context that matters.

Domestic Discipline is different from erotic spanking because it is done with a different purpose in mind. It is designed to teach the woman better behavior and to restore love and harmony in the home. Although it may resemble an activity that many couples engage in for sex play, it is not the same thing because it occurs in a different context. It is not a sexual context, even though it involves the woman’s bare bottom. The context is a disciplinary context, so the feelings are completely different.

When a woman is about to receive a punishment, it is natural for her to be scared. She knows that she is going to receive an attitude adjustment. She knows that her pride or arrogance are going to be dealt with, because she is going to be humbled. She knows that she will feel physically and emotionally different after her spanking. She knows that she will think differently after being disciplined. She knows that she may be crying soon, even if she is dry-eyed now. She knows that the trembling she feels just before she is spanked will soon turn into sobs that will make her body shudder with sorrow and repentance when she has been brought to tears by the firm hand of her HOH. All these things will inspire a certain amount of fear in the woman who is about to be spanked. And so they should.

Spanking and Change

The common thread that links all these fears together is change. It is ultimately a highly positive change, even though the process is a little traumatic for her. Domestic Discipline is a way of creating positive change in a woman’s life and relationship with her HOH. The changes that she wants to experience in her life are almost always postive changes. She wants to experience more love, to be a better person, to be a better wife, to overcome the attitudes and behaviors that are currently holding her back. She wants these changes, but despite her best efforts in the past, she has not been successful in achieving them. In theory, any woman should be able to create a positive change just by deciding to do it. In practice, many women are not always able to carry out the changes they really want. So that is where Domestic Discipline comes in. It provides a means of achieving rapid, powerful and positive change in a woman’s life and marriage. It cuts through all the barriers to change – habits, fears, bad attitudes. Because all these things go right out the window when she is actually over her husband’s knee, getting soundly spanked and bawling her eyes out. The only thing left is the pain and humiliation of her spanking, which she suddenly realizes is much worse than any of the things she was afraid to change. Suddenly, the fears that stopped her behaving better or speaking more kindly seem quite insignificant, compared to the pain of her spanking. She realizes that she had better start changing ASAP. She realizes that her HOH wants her to change for the better. She realizes that if she doesn’t change, she faces the prospect of another unpleasant spanking for the same offense. So in a sense, Domestic Discipline is a facilitator of positive change. It obliges a woman to make the changes that she is too lazy, too afraid or too stubborn to make herself. It breaks through her negative emotions to create positive change.


A man should gently hold his woman before he spanks her and he should tell her why she is going to be disciplined. That is what the best HOH’s do, assuming the woman is sufficiently cooperative and self-controlled to allow herself to be held by him. It is always important for the woman to know why she is going to be disciplined and it is also important that the HOH reassure her that he is doing this for her own good, out of love, not out of anger. If that helps to calm some of her fears, that is not a bad thing. The purpose of Domestic Discipline is to create positive and loving change, not to make the woman completely hysterical with fear. Although being a little scared helps the disciplinary process, more fear is not necessarily a better thing. The loving husband knows this, and will act to calm the woman prior to her spanking, so that she is not completely overcome by fear. All the same, if she had no fear at all of her spanking, it would have no disciplinary effect.

Domestic Discipline is called Domestic Discipline for very good reasons. The word “Loving” is used because this lifestyle helps to create love between a man and a woman. The words “Domestic Discipline” on their own are fairly dry and detached – they could refer to house cleaning or financial restraint, rather than love. But Domestic Discipline connects a number of different concepts – Love, the Home and Discipline (or teaching, which is what discipline originally meant). So Domestic Discipline involves teaching a woman any lessons that she needs to learn, in the privacy and safety of the home, so that she is capable of both giving and receiving more love. It is a very simple idea, and it is a very effective practice.

Love is the opposite of fear. However, sometimes we need to push through our fears in order to get to love. Domestic Discipline helps a woman to get past her fears so that she can get closer to love. Her HOH is responsible for pushing her through these fears via the spanking process, so that she becomes the best that she can be.

Women’s feelings

Some women fear that their HOH will become less loving if he is obliged to spank her regularly – that his role in punishing her for misbehavior will take over his own personality as her loving husband or partner. Essentially, they fear that he will turn into some kind of “spanking demon” who no longer feels or shows any affection for her. This is an understandable fear but it is absolutely unfounded. As a couple move into the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, the man will become more involved with his wife, not less involved. He will be drawn closer to her, as a direct result of his involvement in monitoring her behavior and disciplining her for her misbehavior, and as a direct result of the much more loving ambience that occurs after she has been disciplined for that misbehavior. The love that Domestic Discipline creates is not a one-sided love. It affects both partners equally. The improved flow of masculine and feminine love energies works in both directions, filling each person with a much greater love for each other than they had before the discipline took place.

Sometimes a woman will fear the loss of identity that might occur during her spanking. She may feel that she temporarily becomes a nobody while she is over her HOH’s lap being spanked. This is a mistaken fear, because even while she is being punished, she is never a non-person. There is a big difference between humbling a woman by disciplining her and turning her into a non-entity. Domestic Discipline is probably the opposite of treating a woman like a nobody, because it involves the man giving her his full attention. Spanking will not only focus a woman’s mind very effectively, it will also require the man’s full attention if he is going to discipline her at all. And the sight of his wife’s bare bottom tends to always focus a man’s attention, especially if he is involved in spanking her bottom at the same time. A woman is more likely to feel like a nobody if her husband resolves their arguments in the conventional way – by retreating from her, by ignoring her and by leaving her in a stony silence. That is what makes a woman feel like a non-entity. Being put over his knee and spanked to tears, on the other hand, can be very painful and humiliating, but it is certainly not a case of being treated like a nobody! She can be very sure that her HOH is not thinking about anything or anyone else when he is spanking her. Spanking a woman takes full concentration.

When a woman is about to start a Domestic Discipline lifestyle with her husband, she may feel afraid that she will lose her identity because she is going to submit to his guidance and his discipline. If a woman is new to submission, it may seem to her like a wonderful thing on one hand, but on the other hand it may also raise fears about becoming a non-person if she starts to submit to her HOH. This is a common fear but a groundless one. What will happen when a woman enters a Domestic Discipline lifestyle is that her submission will lead to change in her self, rather than loss of self. Change involves forward movement, not loss. She will change when she starts to submit, but she will change for the better. She will become a happier, more loved and more loving woman as a result of Domestic Discipline. She will not lose her identity, but she will experience her identity evolving and growing as she herself grows and evolves into a happier and more fulfilled person. If it all becomes too overwhelming, she can always abandon the whole Domestic Discipline lifestyle and return to how she and her HOH were before they started to use discipline in their relationship. But most women prefer to push forward towards love and growth, rather than sliding back into the unsatisfactory and unhappy way they lived before they started Domestic Discipline.

Some women fear that they will lose their personality characteristics that make them who they are as an individual. A woman with a perky personality who is full of zest and humor may worry that she is going to become a boringly obedient, bland doormat of a woman after she starts practicing Domestic Discipline. Nothing could be further from the truth. Domestic Discipline is not going to change her essential character, the things that make her who she is. She will not lose her perkiness, her zest for life or her sense of humor when she starts to live a Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Domestic Discipline can’t change the good stuff in a woman’s personality. But it does help her to sort out the bad stuff – the habits, attitudes or behaviors that really hold her back, that stop her from being as happy and as fulfilled as she wants to be.


If you experience a great deal of fear before you are about to be spanked and if you have a strong religious faith, you may find it useful to pray before your spanking. Many women who are either reasonably religious or spiritual find it very helpful to offer up some prayers before their spanking. They pray that they will be given the strength to get through the pain of their spanking, that they will be able to submit properly to their HOH, that their HOH will discipline them effectively and that they will be taught the lesson that they need to learn from the spanking. A woman may also say a prayer of thanks to God for having blessed her with a husband who loves her enough to take the time and trouble to discipline her for misbehavior. Women who practice Christian Domestic Discipline often find that prayer is very helpful before being disciplined. It is also quite common for them to pray together with their HOH’s for a successful and loving outcome of the discipline session. The husband may pray that he is given the moral strength to punish his wife thoroughly enough so that she learns her lesson. He may also pray that he is blessed with the self-discipline to ensure that he is not overly harsh with her punishment. But most importantly, prayer can help him to overcome his own fears of hurting her, because these fears will often prevent him from disciplining her properly.

Christian Domestic Discipline, for those who don’t know of it, is simply a variation on Domestic Discipline which focuses on Christian and Biblical approaches to discipline; in particular, the evidence of verses in the Bible that justify the practice of wife discipline. Some practitioners of Christian Domestic Discipline believe that the Bible advocates the physical discipline of wives, while others believe that the Bible only goes so far as to advise a wife to be submissive to her husband. If you are interested in finding out more about this approach to domestic discipline, you could consider joining the Christian Domestic Discipline discussion group on Yahoo. A link to it is provided in the “Discussion Groups – Yahoo” section of every page of the Domestic Discipline blog, on the right hand side of the page. Just scroll this page up or down and you will find it on the right hand side, amongst all the other links.


Some couples also pray after the discipline is finished, which means after the woman has been fully spanked and after she has completed her assigned Corner Time, if her HOH uses Corner Time as part of the discipline process. These post-discipline prayers are usually prayers of thanks to express gratitude for a successful and effective discipline, for the woman’s realization of the error of her ways, for the reintroduction of love into her behavior and into their relationship, for the wisdom that she has gained as a result of being disciplined by her HOH. They may also give thanks for the existence of the practice of Domestic Discipline or Christian Domestic Discipline, because they are techniques that bring so much love, respect and harmony into the marriage and into the home.

A woman’s post-spanking prayers might express her fervent wish to be a better person in future, so that her behavior is closer to the Christian ideal of loving and respectful behavior, instead of the selfish or childish behavior that led to her punishment in the first place. She might also pray that, if she does allow herself to behave selfishly or childishly in future, that she has the courage and the honesty to accept the punishment that she deserves, rather than attempting to beg, whine or wheedle her way out of it. This is a simple and direct example of how prayer can help a woman to overcome her fears about being disciplined, and to behave in a more loving way.

You don’t even have to be a Christian to benefit from prayer before or after your discipline. Women of various other faiths including Judaism, Islam and Buddhism practice Domestic Discipline, and many of them find that prayer helps them to face the fear and pain of their spanking with a calmer and more submissive attitude, which is ultimately a more loving approach. The woman does not need to wait until after she has been spanked to tears before she allows herself to feel some love. She can approach the entire Domestic Discipline process with a more loving attitude herself, even if she is afraid of the pain of the spanking she is about to receive. She can give submission and love at any stage of the Domestic Discipline process, not only afterwards, when her pride, arrogance, disrespect and carelessness have been spanked out of her.


Although they may not talk about it very much, a man may have many different fears about the whole Domestic Discipline process. His greatest fear is usually the most obvious one – he may be afraid of hurting her. After a whole lifetime of being taught not to hit a woman, he is suddenly put into a situation where he must not only hit the woman he loves, but he must do it repeatedly, hurting her sufficiently until she has learned her lesson. This is a fairly major hurdle to overcome for many men. The first thing a man can do for himself is to admit to himself (he doesn’t have to talk about it with his wife, necessarily) that he is a bit afraid of hurting her. Once he has admitted to himself that this may be a problem for him, he is more than halfway there to solving it. The rest of the way will come with practice, experience and self-understanding. His woman can help him by not trying to make him feel guilty for disciplining her and by submitting to his disciplines without arguing or questioning his decision.

A man may not only fear hurting his woman in a general way, but he may also fear that he will lose her love and respect if he does hurt her. It is natural for a man to want his wife’s love and respect. Normally, he tries to avoid doing anything that will result in the loss of this wifely love and respect. If he feels that disciplining his wife puts her love and respect at risk, he will naturally feel rather reluctant to discipline her properly. Most women in a Domestic Discipline relationship know that the opposite is true – after being spanked for the first time, their love and respect for their husband increases incredibly, and they see him through new eyes. Since this is the exact opposite of what most men are expecting, it is sometimes difficult for them to spank her properly. But if the woman takes care to communicate how each spanking has helped her with her behavior and with her relationship to her HOH, he will be greatly reassured on this matter. The article on “Thanking” explains how important it is for a woman to thank her HOH for disciplining her, which is something that she should do after each spanking she has received. Spanking and thanking should always go hand in hand.

A man may also fear losing his wife’s friendship if he has to discipline her. Before Domestic Discipline, their relationship may have had a strong component of friendship. Not only are they lovers, but also friends who share many different and fun experiences together. It is hard for many men to conceive of spanking a woman who is also his friend, because he may fear losing her friendship if he has to punish her for misbehavior. After all, if he physically punished one of his male buddies for some reason, it is highly unlikely that their friendship would survive that episode. So a man tends to assume that his friendship with his wife must run along the same lines as a friendship with one of his male friends – which is totally wrong. A male – female love relationship has a completely different dynamic to a same sex buddy friendship. The way that a woman relates to her husband is different from the way that she relates to her female friends too. So a man needs to realize that a Domestic Discipline dynamic is not going to ruin the wonderful and intimate friendship that he has with his wife. In fact, it will actually strengthen that friendship enormously.

Domestic Discipline will strengthen a friendship between a man and his woman because it provides them with yet another intense and shared experience together. A discipline spanking is a fairly intense experience, both emotionally and physically. And it is a shared experience, although the roles are obviously totally different – the man does the spanking and the woman is one who is spanked. If the woman is successfully brought to tears, the emotional intensity of the experience is enhanced even further, which is why women will often be quite disappointed when they are not spanked hard enough or long enough to bring them to tears. The man needs to know that giving his wife a punishment spanking when she needs to be disciplined for misbehavior is not going to harm the friendship he has with her. It will do the exact opposite. Giving her a good spanking when she needs one is going to enhance and improve their friendship amazingly. He just needs to have the courage and the self-discipline to be able to take her through her punishment properly, so that when she emerges from her discipline she is remade and renewed. Their friendship will ultimately be strengthened greatly by a successful Domestic Discipline for the woman when she misbehaves. It is her misbehavior that will weaken their friendship, not strengthen it. By dealing positively and assertively with his wife’s feminine misbehavior via a strong and effective Domestic Discipline punishment spanking, the man is doing everything he can to strengthen and improve their friendship as well as their husband/wife relationship.

A man may be afraid of seriously injuring his woman when he spanks her. Even if he has come to terms with the fact that he must hurt her if he wants to help her, he may still be afraid of accidentally injuring her more seriously. This fear can easily be dealt with by following the safe and simple procedures outlined in the article, “How To Spank A Woman.” The female bottom is really a very safe place to spank a woman, as long as the normal precautions are followed.

This fear of seriously injuring his woman may in turn be connected to a man’s fear of other people finding out that he spanks his wife for misbehavior, which in turn may be linked to a fear of being a social outcast if other people do find out. He needs to make sure that he can discipline his wife in privacy, so that others are unlikely to find out. If they are not sure whether a room is sufficiently soundproof, the man can stand in the closed room and clap his hands loudly and continuously, while his woman can stand in another part of the home or outside the home, to see whether she can hear the noise of his clapping hands. If she can, then either soundproofing measures or masking measures (masking the sound with another sound like music or the TV) need to be taken. Bear in mind that sometimes the sound of clapping hands can sometimes be louder than the sound of a spanking, however.

A may be afraid of being too harsh in his punishment of his wife. He may agree with the idea of Domestic Discipline and be happy with the results he is getting when he uses Domestic Discipline to correct his woman, but he may be reluctant to spank her harder because he sees it as being too harsh or too cruel. He might be comfortable with the idea of giving her five swats or spanks for misbehavior, but be horrified at the idea of giving her ten swats because he thinks it is too cruel. Or another man might be totally comfortable with the idea of giving his wife fifty swats for misbehavior but be horrified at giving her one hundred. It is important for any man to realize that there are three main issues to consider when it comes to disciplining a woman: (1) What kind of woman his wife actually is – maybe she starts crying before the discipline even begins, or maybe she needs a few firm swats to bring her to tears, or maybe she is the kind of woman who needs a good ten to twenty minutes of solid spanking, scolding and Corner Time to reliably make her cry; (2) What the actual offense she committed is – the punishment should normally fit the crime, so that she receives a more severe punishment for more serious offenses; (3) Her current mood – whether she is in a feisty and disobedient mood, or an angry mood, or if she is sullen and morose, or if she is flippant and contemptuous of her responsibilities, etc. Different moods call for different amounts and types of discipline to bring her to a more realistic appraisal of her situation and of her behavior and attitudes.


Some men are afraid that they will break their woman’s spirit if they discipline her using Domestic Discipline. They fear that she won’t be able to handle her discipline and will lose her perkiness, her zest for life and any other quality that endeared her to her HOH in the first place. This is an understandable fear but one which is based on a natural masculine misunderstanding of a woman’s resiliency. A good spanking will not break any woman’s spirit. What it will do is to break her arrogance, her pigheadedness or her stubbornness. These are the kind of negative attitudes that get her into trouble in the first place.

Most people who read the articles on Domestic Discipline and other sites are aware of how important tears are to the disciplinary process. It is really helpful for the disciplined woman if she is able to be brought to tears during her spanking. When a woman is not brought to tears, she is missing out on some of the most important benefits of Domestic Discipline. Her lack of tears can be due to any different number of factors. One of them may be that her HOH could be afraid to make her cry. Even though he might be a big fan of Domestic Discipline because he has seen the incredible benefits that it has brought to their marriage, and even though he may fully believe that his woman needs to be disciplined from time to time for her own good, he may still have some strong residual fears about making her cry. Boys learn not to hit girls from an early age. This conditioning can be very strong, because it starts quite young and continues throughout childhood and adolescence, not to mention through entire adult lifetimes. One way that a young boy can get into a lot of trouble is by hitting a girl, and one of the main forms of evidence that he has hit a girl is her tears. Of course there are other ways of making girls cry other than hitting them, but boys know that hitting a girl plus tears from her equals big trouble for him. So it is natural that a man might have strong reservations about actually bringing his wife to tears during a Domestic Discipline spanking, even though he knows instinctively and intellectually that it would be best for her if she were made to cry as a result of her spanking. He needs to overcome his fear of making her cry if he is going to be able to discipline her properly. He needs to remind himself that it is very important for his woman to be spanked to tears because it will help her to learn her lesson much more effectively. He should also understand the source of his fear, which will make it easier for him to overcome the fear.

Another common fear or worry that an HOH can have is that he will become sexually aroused while disciplining his wife. He may be concerned that his sexual arousal will be a sign to his woman that he is not taking her punishment seriously, or that his commitment to Domestic Discipline is shaky in some way. A man should not worry if he becomes sexually aroused while he is spanking his woman. It is a natural and normal response. Some men respond this way and others do not, but neither group should concern themselves about it. If a man does get aroused while disciplining his woman, it is a simply physical response to the sight and the touch of his woman’s bare bottom, and it need not interfere with the discipline at all, unless he decides to act on his arousal and suspend the spanking prematurely. As long as he carries the discipline process right through to its natural conclusion (ideally, bringing the woman to tears of contrition), he need not worry about being aroused. His sexual arousal would only be a problem if it interfered with his ability to discipline her properly. So for the man it is a simple question of self-discipline. He needs to gird his loins for a sufficiently long enough time to be able to completely and properly discipline his woman so that she is both punished and educated adequately about correct feminine behavior.

Sometimes a man may fear his own enthusiasm for Domestic Discipline. He may worry that he is becoming a sadist, rather than a loving husband. He may feel that he is taking his woman to task with too much enthusiasm, or that he is enjoying his work in disciplining her, or that he is enjoying it a little too much. These fears are normally groundless. Such enthusiasm is born from a number of different sources. One is that a man starts to finally feel like a useful person in his marriage, usually for the first time. Men are good at fixing things because of their spatial and practical focus on the world. Men enjoy fixing things. Men prefer to think in a simple, linear fashion, unlike women who prefer complexity and circularity. Neither method is better or worse – they are just different, that’s all.

When things go wrong in a relationship, the man is often berated for not listening enough, for not expressing himself well enough or for not empathizing enough. While it is fine and healthy for men to develop these qualities too, these are essentially feminine abilities, not masculine ones. So men are often frustrated by their woman’s requirement that their man become expert in feminine attributes. If a man is constantly criticized for his failure to be a woman and his masculine habits (sports, war movies etc) are regularly ridiculed as being puerile and adolescent, he won’t feel too good at all about himself. Many men are made to feel like failures in their relationships by both society and by their women. They are failures simply for being men and pursuing noisy, dirty and sometimes dangerous activities that women do not value, and they are failures for being no good at things that women do value, like empathy, verbal self-expression, and listening for hours on end.

Domestic Discipline Beginners

So when a man discovers Domestic Discipline, he discovers that for maybe the first or second time in his marriage, he is good at doing something. He is useful again. He has a purpose. He has a unique ability that his woman does not have. He feels validated and appreciated for his talents, his efforts and his care. When he starts to discipline his wife effectively and he starts to see the benefits of this discipline, he can become quite enthusiastic about Domestic Discipline. And why shouldn’t he? When anyone does an activity that brings success of some kind, their natural instinct is to become more enthusiastic about that activity. When a man starts to use Domestic Discipline in his relationship and he starts to see that it is changing his wife’s behavior for the better, it is making her a happier person and it is creating more love in their marriage – he starts to get more enthusiastic about the whole spanking thing. Of course he does – because it is working, and working well. Men like it when things work. Men like it when they fix something and it works better. Domestic Discipline utilizes the uniquely masculine fix-it skills in a way that is emotionally and personally rewarding for a man. It enables him to participate in the most intimate and meaningful relationship in his life in a way that uses his skills as a man. Most men are quite good at being men, but really bad at being women. So the masculine role in Domestic Discipline can be very fulfilling for a man. But because he starts to feel so good about himself and so enthusiastic about Domestic Discipline, he may start to feel guilty about these good feelings and this newfound enthusiasm. If that happens, he simply needs to be aware that there is no reason to feel guilty for helping his wife become a better, happier, more loving person. There is no reason to feel guilty for making a genuinely helpful and positive contribution to his marriage. There is no reason to feel guilty for creating more love, respect and intimacy in his marriage. Because that is exactly what Domestic Discipline does.

Another common fear for men practicing Domestic Discipline, especially in the early stages, is not spanking his woman using the correct technique. He knows from his own experience of other physical activities like sports that technique is important for success. So when he is starting out disciplining his woman, he may wonder and worry whether he is using the correct technique or not. He may even wonder how his own technique measures up to that of other men who spank their wives. Is he doing it completely wrongly? This fear is easily dealt with. On this site you will find an article called “How To Spank A Woman” which explains a basic handspanking technique. It does not give instructions for the use of paddles or belts for disciplining a misbehaving woman, but these are not necessary for the absolute beginner. There are plenty of other articles about how to spank a woman on other DD sites, so if you follow the DD links on the right hand side of the page, you will find plenty of other information on the topic.


The main thing to remember is that spanking a woman is not very difficult. It is not rocket science. A woman’s bottom is generally large and round, so it is not a difficult target to hit. A man is generally stronger than a woman so he should be able to control her if she struggles. And a good, sound spanking will generally improve a woman’s behavior and attitude in an amazingly effective way. Wifespanking has been practiced for thousands of years, but since we managed to forget or suppress it in the last few decades, some people think that you need a PhD to discipline a woman. You do not. The memory of how to spank a woman is stored in your genes if you are a man. You don’t need to worry too much about it or think too hard. Just do it.

Some men may be concerned that they are not disciplining their woman effectively. They may be afraid that their discipline will be ineffective and that there will be no change or improvement in their woman’s behavior after she has been spanked. This is a valid concern, because there is no point spanking her if it doesn’t improve some aspect of her misbehavior. It may not cure it overnight and it may not cure it totally, but it should have some discernable effect. Men who are worried about disciplining their woman ineffectively or inadequately should read the article called “Insufficient Discipline” which addresses this issue in detail. Another point to consider is that the man can always ask his woman if she thought her last discipline was effective or not. She will usually have a reasonably clear idea about whether her last spanking was sufficient to teach her a lesson, or whether she still retains some residual resentment and frustration because she wasn’t spanked properly.

Another fear that can interfere with how successfully an HOH disciplines his woman is the fear of being discovered by other people. Although both the man and the woman may be deeply convinced of the need for Domestic Discipline and its incredible benefits for their love and their life together, they are probably aware that not everyone else may feel the same way. And Domestic Discipline is a fairly intimate act, both physically and emotionally. So the fear of discovery can hamper a man’s efforts to discipline his wife properly, making him spank her too softly for fear of being overheard, whether from the sound of the swats on her bottom or from the sound of her cries of pain. Spanking her harder will only increase this fear, so that is obviously not a good solution. The best solution is to spank her in a more soundproof room. If soundproofing is too difficult or too expensive, the next best thing is to spank her with an implement that makes less noise, such as something called a Loopy Johnny. Here is an online store where you can buy one. A Loopy Johnny is very quiet indeed and is much safer to use than a cane. Although a cane is less noisy than a belt or a paddle, a cane needs a high level of expertise to be wielded properly, otherwise it can cause injury. A Loopy Johnny is a simple and quiet tool for disciplining a woman very effectively with very little noise from the actual spanking. The only other noise that will need to be dealt with is the noise from her cries and tears, but a woman can often take care of this herself by arranging to cry into a pillow during her spanking. Naturally, the HOH should test out the Loopy Johnny on his own thigh before using it for the first time, so that he is aware of how much it hurts and how much force (not a huge amount) is required to apply it successfully as a disciplinary implement for Domestic Discipline. It is an excellent, low-noise device for adjusting the disobedient and misbehaving woman’s attitude.


Women can have many fears about the Domestic Discipline process, even if they were the one to suggest this lifestyle to their HOH. The majority of Domestic Discipline relationships are started by women because they instinctively realize that this lifestyle is going to bring great benefits to their marriage.

One common fear for women about being disciplined is that some or all of their body will be on display during the spanking. A woman’s problems with her body image can intensify her fear of being punished because she knows that she will have to bare her bottom so that she can be spanked, and she might even have to strip completely naked if her HOH demands it. These fears are addressed in detail in the “Nudity 2” article on this site, so it is not necessary to repeat that information here. Suffice it to say that the Domestic Discipline process itself can help a woman greatly with her problems with body image, so in many ways, her discipline itself contains the solution to her problems of poor body image.

Another fear that many women have is of not being disciplined properly. You would think that a woman would be more afraid of the pain of her spanking than whether it was going to be effective or not. But it is certainly true that many women are afraid that their spanking won’t go far enough – it won’t discipline them sufficiently, it won’t humble them enough, it won’t bring them to tears, it won’t teach them a lesson. They are afraid of receiving an insufficient discipline because they know or they intuit that an insufficient discipline will cause more problems than it will resolve. This fear causes tension and worry in the woman being spanked and this tension and worry make it more difficult for her to cry. Which makes it harder for her HOH to discipline her properly, unless he spanks her in a persistent, loving and determined way. Which is the only way a woman should ever be disciplined, anyway. If a man doesn’t plan to do the job right, he shouldn’t start it in the first place. So any man who takes on the responsibility of disciplining his woman should always approach it with a loving and success-oriented attitude. Love should always be his highest guide, but success should always be his goal. Success in punishing her effectively, success in bringing her to tears, success in teaching her a lesson, success in changing her bad behavior or attitude.

Women often have many fears that prevent them from successfully being brought to tears by a spanking. Since tears are so helpful and so important for Domestic Discipline, it is worth exploring what some of these fears may be and how they can be overcome, so that a woman can be more reliably made to cry during her spanking. One of the biggest fears that a woman can have about being brought to tears by her HOH spanking her is her fear of letting go or surrendering. She is probably the one who suggested the Domestic Discipline lifestyle in the first place to her man and offered to submit to him as her Head of Household. She is probably quite aware that regular discipline spanking helps her to behave much better and to be a more loving woman. She is probably quite grateful to her HOH for punishing her whenever it becomes necessary, because she can see how much it benefits her behavior and attitude. In spite of all these facts, she may still not have fully come to terms with what submission really means for her. She may be willing to submit only partially, although consciously she believes that her submission is total.


How to make a woman surrender

There are two ways for a woman to overcome her lack of submission or her inadequate surrender. The first way is the simplest, though not necessarily the easiest. It involves her consciously working on her own submission to try and improve it herself. She can practice submission to her HOH in many parts of daily life. Submission is a simple choice that she can make for herself, every time that it is a possibility. A woman can practice submission by doing simple things such as cooking and serving dinner to her HOH, instead of telling him to put a TV dinner in the microwave oven himself. She can practice submission by not questioning every single idea or decision her HOH may have, but trusting him to want the best for his wife and family. This daily practice of submission will help her attitude enormously. She will find it much easier to surrender to her HOH when he disciplines her, because submission will have become a simple and loving habit instead of an effort of will. She will find it easier to submit to her spanking. She will find it easier to obey her HOH and maintain her position obediently during her punishment, instead of wriggling and squirming around to avoid his swats. She will find it easier to take her punishment more quietly, instead of screaming hysterically and dramatically every time she receives a swat on her bottom. And most importantly, she will find it easier to start crying during her discipline as her HOH takes her to her breaking point and beyond, where she will start to cry tears of contrition and true repentance for her misbehavior. Which is exactly what she needs to experience as a result of her spanking.

The second way for a woman to become more submissive is also very simple and it requires absolutely no effort at all for the woman. However it involves considerably more effort for the man. The second simple path to increased feminine submission is via discipline, which is most commonly spanking. Discipline itself creates submission in a woman. Discipline has the ability to correct and re-educate a woman about her misbehavior. Discipline will also cleanse away the guilt and shame that a woman experiences when she knows that she has misbehaved and needs to be punished. Discipline will also relieve any other residual stress that she may be experiencing. Discipline will also have a profoundly cathartic effect for her, especially if she is brought to tears properly. And finally, discipline will have another very important benefit of making her more submissive. Every single spanking that a woman receives is doing her good, because it deals with her bad behavior. But every single spanking will benefit a woman also because it helps her with her submissiveness. It leads her back towards a more loving, gentle, submissive and feminine path. It takes her away from pride, arrogance, stubbornness, suspicion, jealousy, hatred and all those other negative emotions, and returns her to a path of love and submission. This is why Maintenance Discipline can help a woman so much, even though she may not have committed any disciplinable offenses since her last punishment spanking.

A woman will sometimes be unable to cry during her spanking because she fears showing weakness. She may have been raised to never show weakness. Some women have been raised to show as few feminine emotions as possible, which is rather tragic when you really think about it. It takes an incredible amount of effort to pretend to be someone you are not. All this effort is basically wasted energy and wasted time. A woman needs to allow herself to show weakness through tears and other forms of self-expression. Otherwise she is just repressing her own emotions, and we all know what that leads to – unhappiness, frustration and ill-health. Why shouldn’t a woman show weakness through crying? It is a perfectly natural means of expressing herself. Women do naturally tend to cry more frequently than men. That is a fact that is both biological and social in origin, and is nothing to be ashamed of. Suppressing a natural, feminine urge to cry will never help a woman. On the contrary, she is harming herself by suppressing her tears. She needs to accept the fact of her own femininity and learn that tears are a beautiful expression of submission during a Domestic Discipline spanking, not a sign of terrible weakness as she may mistakenly believe. Tears signify the moment when a woman’s pigheaded, wrong, arrogant and unloving attitudes have been broken by the sustained efforts of her HOH as he spanks her for her misbehavior. That is a beautiful moment, not a moment to be avoided. Tears are a sign that the woman has been brought back to herself, to her normal, natural loving self.

Another fear that prevents some women from crying during a punishment spanking is their fear that once they start crying, they will never stop. Some women have so much repressed emotion inside them that has built up over years and years, that they fear what would happen if the dam broke. Such a woman may fear that if she allows herself to be brought to tears by her HOH, that her tears will flow forever without stopping, because she has so many things to cry about. So instead she unconsciously represses her urge to cry during her spanking, despite the profound benefits it would definitely bring her. This fear is entirely understandable and natural. It is perfectly normal for a woman to be afraid to let go for the first time, because she may be afraid of crying for the entire next week. This fear is usually highly overstated too, because even though a woman may have plenty to cry about, she is not going to cry forever and ever. When a dam breaks, a lot of water certainly does flow from its breached walls, but every dam has a finite capacity, which means that sooner or later it will stop flowing. Just because a woman may have a few decades of repressed emotions that she needs to cry out when she is disciplined, she does not have to fear that her tears will never stop. They will always stop of their own accord. If she cries for a long time when she is first brought to tears, that is usually a very good thing and she should not attempt to bring her tears to a premature end. Let them continue until they stop naturally of their own accord. She may cry for a relatively long time, but it always seems longer than it really is. Also, it is worth remembering that her tears will often be less lengthy the subsequent times that she is made to cry, so she should not be afraid of being brought to tears in future punishment spankings.


Some women fear humiliation. Some women fear humiliation even more than they fear the pain of a discipline spanking, in fact. They fear that the humiliation of being disciplined will be too much to bear. They fear that they will lose all their self-respect and their self-esteem as a result of this humiliation. They fear that the humiliation will have a crushing effect on them as a person. These are all common fears that many women may have about being disciplined. Like most fears, they are not based on reality. Instead, they are based on an imagined reality, which is why they are called fears in the first place.

A woman may fear the humiliation of the spanking itself, because being treated like a disobedient child and receiving corporal punishment for misbehavior is a fairly humiliating experience in itself. Other women may fear the humiliation of being partially or fully nude for their discipline, because they have serious body image issues. These issues are addressed in the two articles on “Nudity.” Some women find the idea of Corner Time too humiliating and fervently avow that they would never submit to Corner Time. They feel that being spanked like a naughty child is quite alright but being made to stand in the corner is just beyond the pale – only a monster would do that to his wife. Hopefully the ridiculousness of that attitude is becoming clear to you even as you read this.

It is very important for a woman to examine her fear of humiliation quite carefully. Often what one woman finds too humiliating to even consider will be a process that another woman experiences as an unpleasant but highly effective part of Domestic Discipline. Humiliation is a very strong word and can put people off by its power alone. What is usually a better term for the kind of effect that many Domestic Discipline practices have is the word “humbling.” Total nudity is humbling for the woman rather than truly humiliating. Corner Time is meant to be humbling rather than humiliating in its effects on the disciplined woman. Spanking itself is valuable and effective not only for the temporary physical pain it causes in a woman’s bottom, but also because it has a deeply humbling effect on her. It humbles her pride, her arrogance, her cruelty, her inconsiderateness, her selfishness, her disobedience, her dishonesty and her disrespect. That is exactly what it is supposed to do. If spanking did not have a humbling effect on the punished woman, it would not be very effective at all.

Humbling a woman does not mean reducing her to a subhuman status. It does not mean humiliating her. Humbling a woman means that she is brought back to a more realistic and loving frame of mind, one in which her arrogance, pride and selfishness do not rule her words and her actions. The humbling effects of being spanked while naked, or being given some Corner Time, or of just being put over the knee and being spanked to tears, are all highly beneficial. They are a normal and healthy part of the Domestic Discipline process. They will ultimately benefit the disciplined woman greatly. We are talking about Domestic Discipline here, not a Master/slave relationship. A man who is the HOH in a Domestic Discipline relationship wants to humble his woman for her own benefit and for the benefit of their love, not because he wants to make her feel terrible about herself. He is humbling her because that is what she needs from time to time, not because he wants to do it. A woman who has serious issues about humiliation should really ask herself whether she is just reluctant to be humbled. Being humbled is part and parcel of receiving Domestic Discipline. It is important for a disciplined woman to understand that so that she can become less sensitive or paranoid about the “h” word. Humiliation is not the aim of the game, but humbling is an important part of the Domestic Discipline process and one which should be (ultimately) welcomed by the woman who wants to experience the real and powerful benefits of Domestic Discipline.


Sometimes a woman, like her man, may fear that starting a Domestic Discipline lifestyle will harm the friendship that she has with her husband. She needs to realize that Domestic Discipline will actually strengthen their friendship, not weaken it. Domestic Discipline provides a powerful, intense, shared experience that acts to substantially increase the bonds of love and friendship between the woman and her husband. Her discipline spankings will have the net effect of drawing her closer to her HOH, not the opposite. Just because her respect for her HOH increases as a result of their Domestic Discipline lifestyle does not mean that their friendship will suddenly evaporate into thin air. Domestic Discipline will strengthen their friendship through its ability to create strong feelings of love and connectedness between the man and the woman.

Having read this article, you should now be in a position to evaluate, understand and deal with your fears about various aspects of Domestic Discipline, whether you are a man or a woman. This is not an exhaustive catalogue or taxonomy of every single fear that could possibly relate to Domestic Discipline, but it covers most of the major and most significant ones. The first step in overcoming a fear is to understand it. If you have read this article, you will hopefully understand your existing fears about Domestic Discipline much better. It doesn’t mean that they will always magically evaporate (although in some cases they actually will). If you are a woman, you may need to reflect on your fear before you can overcome it, or you may need to ask your HOH for his help in overcoming it. One of the main uses of Domestic Discipline is to help the woman to overcome her fears. Overcoming fear is a lifelong process for all of us, so you can see why Domestic Discipline can be so useful on a permanent basis.


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