What If You Spank Your Wife Too Hard?


After a lot of discussion and prayer, my husband and I adopted a DD lifestyle.  We talked about this openly before we were married, and made the decision then.  Unlike a lot of the other women I read about, this was more at his urging than mine.  I am pretty sure his brother spanks his wife too so I think it was something he was more used to. My dad was very old-fashioned too and I was spanked growing up, well into my teen years so it was not something new to me.

I was always attracted to him because of his dominant personality and I realized that there were definite things in my behavior that would hurt our marriage and that I should work on.

At first, everything worked like I guess I thought it should.  It did do everything “as promised,”  I felt closer to him, and felt that the threat of a spanking… and the reality … really did help me focus.  We also started doing some “play” spanking and I loved that.  I felt loved cherished and protected.

But things have really fallen apart for us lately and the reason is me.

In a way, spanking worked too well.  It’s gone from something that brings us together to something that I am really afraid of.  So afraid that I will do anything I can to avoid one.  Including lying to him about things so I don’t get in trouble.  I have gotten two speeding tickets in the last six months and have not told him about either.  I tell fibs constantly about stuff he’s asked me to do and I haven’t done.

I know that part of it is that I *think* he spanks very hard.  When it’s punishment, it’s always bare bottom with a wooden paddle. He won’t use his hand because he says his hand is for love and affection, not correction.  I know this is traditional and I accept that, but the paddle even though it is small, just hurts so much.  (I think some of it is that when we were discussing this before we were married, and I agreed to it, I sort of compared it to what I knew from home.  My dad spanked, but it was with his hand and always through clothes. It was a few whacks and more symbolic than anything I guess.  But bare-bottom hurts so much more that I can’t stand it.)  I am always sobbing by the time it’s over and feel very sick.  Yet compared to what some other ladies say they get I don’t think it’s too much.  I never have bruises, just a very sore red bottom for a few hours, which he says is not too much.  He says I’m a grown woman and my butt can take a lot and that if he just gave me a few “paddy cakes” I wouldn’t learn anything.  In a way I think he’s right, but I know I don’t want it.

We have talked about and prayed about it, and he says it’s because I haven’t really submitted to his judgment.  That he would never really hurt me, but that we decided together before we were married that spanking would be something that was used, and now it’s my duty to submit to it.  But all I know is that I have come to hate this, yet I want him to be happy and I really do feel that I did agree and promise before God to obey him.  He’s agreed to consider using other discipline too, like writing lines, but when he assigned something like that to me lately, I felt so resentful, I just hated it.   He grounded me recently from the computer, and I couldn’t wait to sneak on as soon as he went to work.  When he got home I lied about that too.

I think really he’s right.  I don’t want to submit. I know that if we didn’t have this relationship, I would NOT feel this resentful towards him.  If I could just say ( like some of my friends do) “Hey I got another speeding ticket.  Oh well.”  and that’s the end, it would be fine.



26 thoughts on “What If You Spank Your Wife Too Hard?

  1. Lady, this is not Christianity. There is nothing biblical about a man disciplining his wife. In fact, the Apostle Paul says that you are his flesh, and that no man hateth his own flesh (Ephesians 5:29). Children are allowed to be spanked because they are in personal development. A fully grown adult woman should have the maturity and reasoning that physical discipline is unnecessary. Can you really imagine Jesus spanking his wife? If you can, then you have a vain idea of what Jesus is all about. I encourage you to try consider that biblically, this is abuse. Jesus gave Himself for you, that is love. Not this. Please read the Bible and examine your faith.

    Liked by 2 people

      • I have been reading the Bible for 22 years and have extension knowledge of it. That is how long I have been a Christian. There is no biblical basis for disciplining your wives, and after what I’ve read of both the practice and the people who practice it, I find some very unChristian-like behavior. The fact that many of the people who practice it also associate it with sexual intimacy shows that it is no simply a disciplinary tool and that there are even some abusive behaviors related to it. Could you provide some direction from the Word of God to support it? I can provide plenty to show it is not. I pray continually for women who have deceived themselves into thinking that abuse is love. I have also seen stories of people who have escaped this lifestyle who were forced into it, young girls. Women who allow this are teaching their daughters to allow it. I don’t even know what kind of church would allow this behavior among its followers.


      • Because it involves behaviors not described in the Bible that specifically go against biblical principles. I’ve been studying the Bible for 22 years and there is nowhere in the Bible where men discipline their wives in this manner. Woman is the flesh and blood of the man and he is to treat her as he does his own flesh (different even than children, because they do become one flesh). Men don’t beat their own flesh into submission, and in fact, they are supposed to nourish and cherish their wives as they would their own flesh.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dear one, Good told me to speak comfortably to you. I can tell by your blog that you are in pain and discomfort. I am continuing in prayer that God will reveal to you His love which is sown in joy and peace through the Holy Ghost. I’ve also asked Good to warn your husband against harming you. Believing God will move on your behalf.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
    26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
    27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
    28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
    29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
    30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

    1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

    God loves with agape love. Indeed, that is the kind of love meant in Ephesians 5:25. Agape love means giving of oneself, with high esteem, with affection. A man who treats his wife as a child to be disciplined is not esteeming her. While the Bible tells a man to teach his wife, and to be her head, it nowhere implies that physical discipline is to be used. There is no Bible for chastening a disobedient wife through corporal punishment. If this were so, why did God not state it anywhere? He tells us that disobedient children are to be chastened with a rod.

    I know that DD people often use Revelation 3:19 (I chasten those whom I love), but this is as CHILDREN of God. Deuteronomy 8:5 says: Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the Lord thy God chasteneth thee. The word of God repeats this over and over, that the chastening of the Lord is as His children, not as the Bride. Jesus never chastens the Bride in this manner.

    I pray that you will take this to heart and consider what impact this may have on your life and those around you. A man who abuses his wife is sinning against his own body.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Jesus would not treat his Bride that way, particularly what you described in paragraph 2, ripping her clothes off and thrashing her severely. A man overpowering a woman in that manner. That is not of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. It is BDSM and you’re trying to call it Christian. Followers of Jesus don’t behave in that manner toward their wives. I pray you will examine yourself. There is nothing in the Bible that tells you to do that to your wife.

        Liked by 1 person

    • If you really read and understand the Bible, then you know it says that the man is the head of the house. It also says that when the house stands before God on the day of judgement that he will have to answer for EVERYTHING that went on in his house. Since he has to answer for his wife’s doing wrong then as the leader he has every right to discipline his wife to change wrong behaviors.


  3. This is Jane’s husband, I have been reading through what Jane has written and I must say I am quite pleased with all of it. I won’t be making a lot of comments here and I have told Jane not to make too many comments herself, perhaps she has already.

    This topic did catch my attention and I believe I can offer a few useful thoughts. First let me say that I am really struck by just insightful your writings are. You really have a deep and sophisticated understanding of the dynamics of Christian family life. I hope your husband is proud of you, he should be.
    In your comments above, you get to, at least in my opinion, the core problem you were dealing with when you wrote these comments. Given the date of your comments, I suspect you have resolved these issues. Nevertheless, the issues you write about are, I suspect, pretty common, so my thoughts

    I think it makes a significant difference if you were brought up in a home where there was proper discipline as to how you reacted to those times when your husband felt you needed to be punished. Jane was brought up in a very strict home where bare bottom spankings with a strap was used regularly, while your father’s method of correction was, in my opinion with no disrespect, not at all adequate. So, you were faced with REAL punishment, for the very first time, and you were taken aback how much it hurt. So, is your husband being too severe? Well of course I can’t know if he was or not, but I very strongly suspect he was using a reasonable degree of force when he corrected you. You said it, it was your resistance to his authority over you that was the issue.

    My own wife’s resistance to my authority at the beginning took a different form. She was openly obedient and submissive to me in my presence, in fact, she amazed and sometimes amused or appalled our friends and relatives with her very open deference she showed me. But she was quite persistent in disobeying me when she thought I would not find out about it.

    Needless to say, she was spanked many times the first few years of our marriage, and often quite severely. But I WAS concerned about spanking her too severely, so one technique I used was longer corner times. She hates corner time, so this proved to be effective. If a HOH thinks he is being required by his wife’s persistent bad behavior to spank too severely, he can adjust the ratio of spanking time to corner time.
    Corner time rules are straightforward in our house. I adopted the exact same method used in the home Jane grew up in. So, these rules were nothing new for her. All corner time is done in a common room to ensure that the rules are followed the whole time, no breaking position or rubbing. This is generally in the living room. She must stand completely bare from the waist down, with her hands on her head, nose touching the wall. During corner time, she is not allowed to speak to any family member and no one is allowed to speak to her. This is her time to think about why she is in the corner and how she can avoid being in the corner again, especially for the same type of misbehavior.

    I want to offer a few words about other punishments such as mouth washing, writing lines, being sent to bed without supper, extra chores etc. I have used all these punishments from time to time. but they are no substitute for spankings. Their only value is as supplementary punishments. The reason for this is simple. These kinds of punishments lack the element of fear, so they can lead to resentment, anger and defiance when that is possible. You make this clear in what you wrote. A spanking on the other hand, always involves fear, and fear can produce real repentance, therefore a lasting and positive change in behavior.
    I hope these comments are useful. Once again, I compliment you on your insight and thoughtfulness, as I said your husband should be proud of you. I think you are helping Christian families here.



    • Thank you for the compliment! You both are two role models – if you want to write a small guest post, I ‘ll publish it!


      • Jane’s Husband here.

        Thank you for your kind offer. I may make a few more comments, I don’t want to make too many, If I think of a topic for a guest post , a short one. I might take you up on this.


      • Absolutely … thanks! I really like her comments, because they show the “female perspective”, so to say. That’s great!


  4. I’m torn between the two worlds. I enjoy watching spankings being given to women online and as long as the plot is believable even totally nude spankings but that’s not too often. Sometimes looking over a few of the writings here I tend to think maybe the discpline is to strict (?) but then the corner time and other items add some interest because you know the wife really would not like that at all. Given a choice between having her bottom beaten till she can’t sit for a few days and corner time I’m sure they’ll take the latter. Each couple has to set up thier own guidelines and I’m sure the wives aren’t going to like being paddled on their bare bottoms either. If your going to spank her you have to make sure her bottom is RED and I’d like to see some marks on her sit area too. Paddles, hairbrushes I’m ok with , straps maybe, canes also ? Not sure if I agree with the woman having to be naked but I understand it does add more discomfort and embarrassment to the punishment. I read your blog and DOMESTIC DISCPLINE, similar blogs. Mouth soaping along with a spanking is good too.


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