Why women want to be held responsible for their misbehaviour

When a woman agrees to begin a Domestic Discipline lifestyle with her man, she is wanting him to hold her responsible for her behavior. In particular, she wants him to hold her responsible for her misbehavior. To do this, couples often use a set of rules. These rules (which don’t have to be very numerous) set limits to the woman’s behavior. They define what acceptable behavior is for her. She is told what her limits are going to be. This concept of setting limits or boundaries to her behavior is often, paradoxically, incredibly liberating for the woman in a Domestic Discipline relationship. Instead of feeling boxed in or restricted by these boundaries, she usually feels a deep relief that she can at last be herself. At last, someone has told her “No” – she must not do that. For many women, no one in their adult life has ever told them “No.” This is especially true for attractive women, whose beauty will often encourage men to say “Yes,” even when they would normally say “No.” It might seem strange that a woman would want her man to say no to her, but many women want their man to stand up to them, to refuse them categorically, instead of just weakly acquiescing to their wishes. Such a woman wants her man to say no, even if it means that she is going to miss out on something because of his refusal to let her have her own way. She wants him to say no, even though it is going to place a limit or restriction on her own behavior.


But rather than feeling crushed or cowed by this restriction, she knows, she believes and she feels that the limit actually sets her free. It frees her to be her true self and her best self. She is like a beautiful rose bush. Allowed to grow wild, its energy and beauty are dissipated by wasted effort put into attempts at moving in directions that lead to dead ends, to blocked or stunted growths. Or alternatively, to patches of ground where other vegetation may conflict with or inhibit its own growth. Like anyone else, a woman has a finite amount of energy in each day, even with the best food and the best exercise. She needs to put her energy into the right areas to get the best value from it. She needs to use her energy with the best attitude so that her chances of success are multiplied.

Responsibility in Domestic Discipline

Domestic Discipline is a practical and concrete example of the man saying “No” to his wife is a loving way. He loves her but he will not accept certain types of misbehavior from her, so he says “No” to them. There are different ways of saying no. Many of them are much less loving. Divorce is the ultimate “No” to a woman or man. Having an affair is another way of saying “No.” Domestic violence or abuse can stem from a man’s inability to find an appropriate way to express himself when he wants to say “No” to his woman. But Domestic Discipline is a positive and loving way for a man to say “No” to his wife’s misbehavior and bad attitude. It is a great alternative to him retreating into stony silence, or having an affair, or spending all his time with his buddies as a way of avoiding his wife, or allowing his behavior to deteriorate into abuse. Instead, he can act positively and lovingly to correct her misbehavior. The disciplinary process enable him to engage actively with her issues, problems and emotions. Domestic Discipline is really the most loving way for him to a man to say “No” to his wife, but remain in a connected and caring relationship which is motivated by love rather than by frustration.

Limits and boundaries are like the careful pruning that a gardener uses to help a rose bush grow as best and as beautifully as it can. Pruning may look cruel and restrictive to some, but the end result is beauty and health, thanks to the limits imposed by that pruning. Limits and boundaries help a woman to be her best self, not to waste her energies doing negative things that are harmful to herself or others. No woman can flower by harming herself – that should be obvious. So instead of putting her energies into negative and harmful directions, a woman can have her energies and creativity channelled into more positive directions by the limits that her HOH sets her through Domestic Discipline. The limits do not ultimately restrict her – they liberate her to direct her energies into the most positive and productive words, deeds and people in her life. These limits prevent her from putting her energies into negative words, acts and people.

When these limits are not respected, the normal result should be discipline. If limits and boundaries are not taken seriously, then the woman is compromising her own growth and progress. To prevent her acting so negatively and harmfully, she is taken to task by her HOH who disciplines her with a punishment spanking. This is a simple yet potent reminder of her need to respect the limits and boundaries set in place by the Domestic Discipline agreement that she has accepted (and usually, suggested herself) in her relationship. The discipline teaches her that she needs to put her energies into positive things; it guides and corrects her growth.

Limits and boundaries in Domestic Discipline

Some people may wonder why limits and boundaries to a woman’s behavior are actually necessary. After all, freedom is generally a good thing. Isn’t more freedom always better? Wouldn’t she be happier with more freedom and fewer limits? The answer, of course, is no, not necessarily. We all have limits to our behavior. We are all limited by certain laws that regulate our behavior – we are limited in our freedom to kill other people, we are limited in our freedom to damage other people’s property, and so on. How many times have you heard someone say, “I could have killed him, I was so angry.” Sometimes this is just a figure of speech. But sometimes, a person really means that they really could have killed him. The only things stopping them were their own consciences and the judicial limits that our societies put on behavior which results in unlawful killing. And where their consciences might have failed them, the legal limits on their behavior are there to step in and prevent a tragedy from occurring.

So the boundaries that exist to limit everyone’s behavior are not really that much of a restriction (unless you are a contract killer for the Mob, in which case they are a serious impediment to doing business). They are, in fact, an enhancement of our lives. Although we might like to kill someone when they have made us extremely angry, we also realize that we wouldn’t like to be killed ourselves, or to see someone else be killed. Thus a limit placed on murderous behavior actually enhances everyone’s life by providing freedom from murder, freedom from violent death. The limit actually creates a freedom. We live our lives, most of us, in blissful ignorance of the fact that in other places and at other times, murder is or has been a common, everyday occurrence. But most of us, fortunately, are free of this worry. We have been freed by the limits placed on everyone’s behavior. And people who might be inclined to kill someone are also freed by this limit, because in most cases, this limit prevents them from doing something that they would later regret very strongly.

So in fact we can now see that limits are not anti-freedom. On the contrary, limits promote freedom. Limits actually enable and facilitate freedom. If people had more self-control, fewer limits would be necessary. But until people evolve to a level where they have sufficient self-discipline and control, limits will be necessary to keep certain behaviors in check. This explains why a woman needs limits and boundaries. Ostensibly, these limits are all about restriction, limitation, prevention and stopping. But in reality, they create the freedom she needs to become her best self. They free her from her more negative behaviors and attitudes. They channel and direct her energies into more positive, life-affirming areas and methods of expression.


For example, if a woman has a problem with swearing, her HOH may limit her behavior by creating a rule which prevents her from swearing. He will naturally back up this rule with some consequences for the woman if she breaks the rule. Usually, these consequences would be some kind of spanking – a sharp, painful way of teaching her to respect and obey the limit that has been placed on her behavior. The reason that her behavior is being limited is because swearing is not a useful way for her to spend her time and energy. She needs someone to stop her swearing so that she can be free to live a life that is not constantly poisoned by crude, insulting and negative language. That is the freedom that she needs. By making a rule that prevents her from swearing, on pain of a punishment spanking, her HOH is attempting to free her from the restrictions that swearing actually imposes on her life. Yes, he is imposing a limit on her behavior, with consequences for her misbehavior.

But what he is imposing on her is much less limiting than the actual misbehavior is. Swearing might be limiting her life in all sorts of ways – closing off job opportunities because people don’t want to hire someone who swears so much; preventing her from making new friends; making herself angry and frustrated at her inability to control her own swearing, and so on. A woman needs to be controlled by her HOH sometimes, because sometimes she is unable to control herself. Limits and boundaries achieve this control and ultimately, set her free.

Consciousness for behaviour

Women who are more conscious of their own behavior are often also more conscious of their need for limits and boundaries. So women who are in tune with themselves and their behavior are often drawn to Domestic Discipline because they see that it can provide some useful limits for them. Such a woman is smart enough to realize her problems and challenges associated with her own behavior. Domestic Discipline provides an ideal structure for creating and enforcing limits to a woman’s behavior (or misbehavior), which ultimately help her to become a better person, a more fulfilled woman. So it is a wise woman who not only recognizes her own need for boundaries, but also who starts to want these boundaries in her own life. It is a sign of her personal maturity that she should want more limits to her behavior, because it is a sign that she wants to grow as a person.

Limits and boundaries are only effective if they are enforced. Most countries have some kind of justice system or legal system, along with various law enforcement officers, to ensure that the laws are obeyed. In the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, the HOH is responsible for enforcing the system of limits and boundaries that are set up to modify and improve his wife’s behavior. Some of these limits may be set unilaterally by him – he may decide that a certain form of feminine misbehavior is not acceptable and that it will be met with a stern discipline if it occurs. He will then tell the woman of his decision, so that she knows to avoid this kind of misbehavior if she wants to avoid a spanking. Other limits may be set by the couple after discussion about goals and progress. The woman may approach her HOH with a negative behavior that she wants him to help her with. Together, they can discuss this problem and work out an appropriate limit or boundary to prevent that problem from occurring. They may also discuss the consequences of overstepping that limit, but the details of the consequences are usually left up to the HOH when he decides to punish her, in the event of her subsequent disobedience.

Ultimately, limits and boundaries do not restrict a woman in a Domestic Discipline relationship. Instead, they free her to become her best self, to use her creative energies for the best result, and to become the happiest she can possibly be. They prevent her from wasting her time putting her energy into negative and unproductive words, actions and activities. The limits and boundaries experienced by a woman in the Domestic Discipline lifestyle are ultimately liberating. These limits set her free.


2 thoughts on “Why women want to be held responsible for their misbehaviour

  1. Great post! My husband and I practice Domestic Discipline and I am much happier having clearly laid out rules and boundaries. I feel very free within this dynamic and our marriage is much happier 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s