Why do I want to be disciplined? How to talk about it?

For many women, it has taken years for them to come to terms with their unspoken need for Loving Domestic Discipline. They have always known that something was missing from their marriages or relationships, but they have never dared to think about it, let alone discuss it with their husband or boyfriend. The internet has shown these women that they are not alone, that their desires are not abnormal or unhealthy and that discipline can actually help them to evolve as women and powerfully increase the love in their relationships with their man.

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The communication problem

It is very difficult for most women to talk about their need for Loving Domestic Discipline. Once they have successfully introduced discipline into their marriage, that does not automatically mean that these women can chat casually with their husbands about discipline spankings. Many women find it hard to talk about discipline to their HOH, even though they may be regularly and even frequently disciplined. Communication is vital in any relationship, as everyone knows. Communication is also vital in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. If the couple does not communicate about discipline, there is room for a lot of misunderstanding and false assumptions. These can lead to frustration and tension. Such feelings are unpleasant and unnecessary if the communication is good.

To solve this problem of communication, some couples like to use a technique called “journaling.” This is a very simple technique. It involves the woman keeping a journal or diary of her daily thoughts and actions. Most importantly, she writes down any behaviors or attitudes that would normally earn her a discipline, but which may have occurred while the HOH was either not present or unaware of her transgression. Obviously, a profound degree of honesty on the woman’s part is required here. If she is just going to omit or lie about her misbehavior, then there is not much point keeping a Loving Domestic Discipline journal. She also can include any thoughts or feelings that she may have about how the Loving Domestic Discipline side of their relationship is progressing, as well as any other thoughts or feelings on other issues that may be affecting her.

The journal

On a regular basis, the man should read the journal. He can then review her thoughts, feelings and behaviors so that he understands how she has been really feeling, instead of having to guess, as most men do. When he has read her entire journal, he can then decide whether she needs to be disciplined for any of the misbehavior that has been recorded in her journal. More than just being food for discipline, however, the journal should act as a kind of talking point for the couple, so that they can communicate not only about the Loving Domestic Discipline aspect of their relationship, but also the other parts of their lives. The journal is meant to open up lines of communication, to give the woman a chance to air matters that she may be too shy to talk of openly to her husband.

Once the discussion and sharing is finished, it is usually appropriate for the HOH to discipline the woman for any misbehavior recorded in the journal. There is no special severity or leniency of a discipline resulting from a journal entry. Its harshness or softness depends on the actual offence, as judged by the man.

Writing down the thoughts

As previously mentioned, the woman should write down anything and everything she wants. Most importantly, however, she should take care to write down anything she has said or done that constitutes a punishable action. These usually are the three D’s – disrespect (to anyone, including herself), dishonesty (ditto) and disobedience (to rules established as part of the Loving Domestic Discipline agreement). She can also record her thoughts about Loving Domestic Discipline. It is very useful when she records her feelings about her last spanking – what she learnt from it, whether she thought it was unfair, whether she felt it was too severe or too lenient, whether she feels at risk of misbehaving in the same way in future, whether she feels it was effective or not, etc. These thoughts about Loving Domestic Discipline should generally not be grounds for further discipline. Rather, they should be grounds for discussion and communication between the couple.

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Finally, the woman should record any notable emotions or feelings. One very important example of this is when she may feel a generalized anxiety, resentment or rebelliousness that is making her uncomfortable and unhappy, though it has not yet led to any actual misbehavior. Many women feel themselves gradually descending into a pit of resentment or nastiness, but feel powerless to stop their own slide. A journal can be used to record these emotions and to ask the HOH for a ‘stress relief’ or ‘stress release’ spanking. These are designed to help her get rid of any negative emotions or attitudes which, left unchecked, would certainly result in a punishment spanking, but if caught early enough, can be dealt with more mildly. This stress relief spanking does not need to be as severe as a fully fledged discipline spanking, because it is intended to relieve stress rather than to punish. Although it does not have to be too severe, it is nonetheless a spanking. If it is too light, it may not relieve stress sufficiently, making it basically a worthless exercise.

 

The benefits of journaling for women

Why is journaling a worthwhile practice? Why is journaling so effective in helping to maintain a healthy and loving relationship in which the man is the HOH and in which Loving Domestic Discipline is used to enhance and improve love and harmony? There are a number of reasons. Firstly, journaling helps the woman to learn that good behavior is necessary at all times, not just when the memory of a recent spanking is fresh in her mind. This understanding improves domestic harmony and peace substantially. She also feels guided and protected from her most negative tendencies, even when her HOH is not actually there. Feeling guided and protected in this way helps her to feel a real and genuine sense of security.

Journaling also teaches a woman to observe her own thoughts and actions, instead of being the victim of them. It teaches her greater self-awareness, because she learns that each and every one of her thoughts and actions has a consequence. Every thought or action that is sufficiently negative in its nature or effect will result in some kind of discipline that will remind her to behave and think more positively in future. Without the journal, many of her thoughts and actions may pass unnoticed and undisciplined. With the journal, she learns that everything counts, not just the things that are noticed by her HOH. She learns that she is always accountable for her actions, not just when she is caught out.

Another benefit of journaling is that the woman is disciplined regularly for misbehavior or disobedience. Normally, Maintenance Disciplines should take care of this, but some couples do not practice these. When they start to use journaling, however, they begin to see that regular discipline is necessary to catch feminine misbehavior that is not properly dealt with by a normal punishment spanking. For couples that do use Maintenance Disciplines, the practice of journaling enhances and validates these regular spankings. Journaling enhances a Maintenance Discipline because it integrates perfectly into the regular review of her thought and behavior that a Maintenance Discipline is supposed to be. Journaling validates a Maintenance Discipline because it reveals to the HOH any misbehavior that has occurred since the last spanking. A Maintenance Discipline will still work very well without journaling, but journaling adds a whole list of concrete, recorded facts that actually justify the spanking. Women who receive regular Maintenance Disciplines will attest to the fact that they work, without necessarily consciously knowing why they work, because the memory of their misbehavior has faded away. When a journal is available for consultation before the Maintenance Discipline, the woman will remember and understand exactly why she is being disciplined, rather than taking the spanking and feeling much better afterwards, without really knowing why. Journaling will also help reassure the man who feels a bit guilty about giving his woman a regular Maintenance Discipline, even though he knows it does her good. For this kind of man, the journal will expose feminine behaviors and attitudes that would otherwise remain hidden from his view. It will give him real proof that the Maintenance Discipline is not only beneficial for his woman, but also that it is fully justified. He will be able to spank her properly, without feeling that it is somehow unnecessary. The journal will provide him with the proof that each Maintenance Discipline is totally necessary.

The benefits of journaling for the HoH

Journaling provides a woman’s HOH with insights into her behavior, thoughts and beliefs that she might not have herself. She may write something down and think that she has done something terrible, whereas to him it seems like a relatively mild or even insigificant offence. Not every instance of misbehavior that the woman records in her journal will necessarily be disciplined later. Whether the events recorded in her journal are disciplinable or not, the HOH can learn things from the journal that the woman may not be aware of. The journal really increases a man’s understanding of his woman. As understanding increases, so too does love and intimacy. Even if this understanding results in a punishment spanking in the short term, in the long term it strongly promotes love and intimacy.

One of the major benefits of a journal for the woman is that it is a really easy form of communication for things that she may find difficult or impossible to say out loud to him. She may want to write down feelings about things like wanting to be spanked harder or brought to tears – things which she may be unable to say to his face because of a feeling of shyness or embarrassment about them. The journal provides her with a way to express these unspeakable emotions. It provides her with an outlet for these feelings which would otherwise remain bottled up inside her for years. Many women who have come to Loving Domestic Discipline later in life know just how long it can take to come to terms with the desire to be disciplined, let alone communicate that desire to the man she loves most in the world.

Journaling is a great way for a woman to learn about honesty – honesty to herself and honesty to her HOH. When she has to confront the blank page of her journal on a daily basis, she knows that lying or bending the truth will be written down in front of her, and that she will have to face the written proof that she has lied not only to her HOH but also to herself. This knowledge tends to force her to become much more honest, which relieves her of an enormous burden if she is a habitual teller of lies, whether white lies or more serious ones. A woman can feel terribly guilty if she habitually tells lies. Journaling is a practice that obliges her to ask herself if she really wants to continue lying, or if she wants to free herself of the emotional stress of knowing that she has lied to herself and to her HOH.

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