Why spanking can foster a loving relationship

It is not by accident that Domestic Discipline contains the word, “loving.” It is not by accident that Domestic Discipline takes place between a man and a woman in the context of a long term relationship, usually a marriage. It is not by accident that what attracts so many people to the Domestic Discipline lifestyle is the possibility of improving and increasing the love they experience in their relationship.


Love is the central feature of the Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Love is the central feature of any long term relationship such as a marriage. Love is the reason for using Domestic Discipline in the first place, because Domestic Discipline helps to build, grow and strengthen the loving relationship between a man and a woman. The increase in love between the man and his woman also helps to spread that love outside their relationship and into the larger world, because they begin to act in more loving ways to others.

The HoH role

The HOH (i.e., the male Head of Household) is responsible for disciplining his woman when she misbehaves. He disciplines her by spanking her to tears, so that she learns not to misbehave. That misbehavior usually takes the form of dishonesty, disrespect or disobedience – to herself, to others or to her HOH. He disciplines her for her own benefit, because he knows that disciplining her will teach her the lessons she needs to learn and will help her to become a better person.

The primary motivation for an HOH should always be love. This is not something that his woman should debate with him when he informs her that she is going to be punished for her misbehavior. It is rather something that he should always check inside himself. He should always do a “heart check” to make sure that he is disciplining her out of love, not out of anger or frustration. There is nothing wrong with the fact that an HOH will often release some of his own frustration when disciplining his woman – that is a natural side effect of the disciplinary process. However, he must always ask himself if he is punishing his wife for her own good or if he is spanking her for some other reason not associated with love. As previously mentioned, however, this is a question for the HOH himself, not a subject for debate when his woman disagrees with his decision to spank her for her misbehavior.

Some people wrongly assume that when an HOH does a heart check that he would always be asking himself whether the discipline should be cancelled, postponed or perhaps modified to become less severe. That is an incorrect assumption because it misunderstands and mistakes the true nature of love. When a man undertakes to lovingly discipline his woman for misbehavior, he also undertakes to discipline her for her own good. Sometimes that might mean reducing the harshness of her punishment. But at other times, it might mean increasing the severity of her spanking so that she is reliably brought to tears and learns the lesson she needs to learn. It might mean forcing himself to administer a Maintenance Discipline spanking even though he is tired and would rather be doing something else. The Maintenance Discipline is administered for the woman’s own benefit and is therefore an act of love on the part of the HOH.

A man’s love for his wife will help him to overcome his natural reluctance to discipline his wife. It will help him to overcome his natural distaste for spanking her until she cries. It will overcome any tendency he may have to put her misbehavior into the “too hard” basket, as something he doesn’t want to deal with. By acting out of love, he will realize that he must discipline her for her own good. He must administer a regular Maintenance Discipline spanking, even though she has done nothing wrong, because of the benefits it will deliver to his woman and to his marriage with her.

Challenges for the Head of Household

Many new HOH’s find it hard to discipline their woman because it goes against the grain of what they were taught when they were growing up. They often lapse into inconsistency in their discipline because not disciplining their woman seems like the easy way out. But inconsistent discipline or a total lack of discipline is not the easy way out. It is the path that leads to frustration, resentment and increased feminine misbehavior. The loving man will always discipline his woman when it is necessary, because he knows in his heart that it will be best for her. He knows in his heart that the discipline is for her own good. He knows in his heart that disciplining her properly and effectively is the loving choice. Inadequate or insufficient discipline is not only the choice of an uncertain man, ultimately it is the choice of a less loving man. The loving HOH knows that disciplining his woman will always be for her own good and will always increase the love in his relationship with her.

As a man grows in experience in his role of HOH, having the sole and weighty responsibility for disciplining his wife for her misbehavior, he will become more comfortable with the fact that she benefits from being disciplined. He will become more comfortable with the fact that disciplining her is an act of love, because it helps her as a woman, as a wife and as a mother. The loving and experienced HOH will discipline his wife with neither eagerness nor reluctance. He will do it with an air of loving inevitability, because the loving choice is to discipline a woman when she misbehaves. Letting her misbehavior go unpunished is not loving. It is a sign of disconnection and of lack of caring. It is a sign of an inability to fulfill his masculine responsibilities as the HOH. It is a sign that he has allowed himself to temporarily succumb to fear, rather than making the more loving choice. The loving choice involves disciplining his woman for her own good. Even though it may be unpleasant to spank her to tears, it is the loving choice, because it is in the woman’s best interests. The loving HOH knows that punishment is an act of love. He knows that the absence of punishment or inadequate punishment is motivated by negative emotions such as fear and laziness.


And why does the loving HOH discipline his woman?

We all know that he disciplines her for her own good, so that she can become a better person. But how does that actually happen? What is the real reason that the HOH must discipline the woman?

The real reason, the inner reason and the ultimate reason for administering Domestic Discipline to the misbehaving woman is to teach her a lesson. And that lesson is really only about a single thing, even though the external misbehavior may vary greatly. The woman may have been disobedient, dishonest or disrespectful. Her disobedience, dishonesty or disrespect may have taken any one of an infinite number of forms, because there are an infinite number of ways to be dishonest, disobedient or disrespectful.

The ultimate lesson of Domestic Discipline is love. That is the ultimate reason why an HOH is sometimes obliged to discipline his woman. Regardless of whether she has been disrespectful, disobedient or dishonest, the ultimate lesson she needs to learn revolves around love. Domestic Discipline is not only an act of love by the HOH who disciplines his woman for her own good, it is also a process that teaches the misbehaving woman about love.

One of the reasons why Domestic Discipline is such an effective and successful lifestyle is that it draws upon a man’s natural preference for direct action. When a many disciplines his woman, he is protecting her from herself. He is protecting her from her own non-loving misbehavior. Many of the self help books that are designed to bring couples closer together do not work, because they are directed at the woman alone. They are written in language that speaks directly to a feminine sensibility but does not provide any useful or practical techniques for her man. Domestic Discipline, on the other hand, is a lifestyle and a technique that allows the man to exercise his naturally practical approach to problem solving, while creating the loving and intimate result that the woman needs. The final combination produces a lifestyle that fulfills the woman’s need for love, attention and intimacy, while using to best advantage the man’s instinct for direct, physical action to resolve problems. Both the man and the woman benefit in uniquely different and uniquely appropriate ways.

There are many different lessons about love that Domestic Discipline teaches a woman. The remainder of this article will examine these love lessons in more detail.

Women’s role in Domestic Discipline

The first thing Domestic Discipline teaches a woman about love is love of herself. The misbehaving woman is often guilty of neglecting her own true needs. This is the most common reason why women are punished by their HOH’s. Statistically speaking, women are not punished for misbehavior against their HOH as often as they are punished for misbehavior against their own selves. A woman’s lack of respect for herself is the primary cause of most punishment spankings. This lack of respect for herself is ultimately a sign of a lack of love for herself. By disciplining her, the HOH teaches her to love herself. Not to love herself in an arrogant, self-satisfied way, but to love herself in the sense of true self-esteem. She has a true and proper regard for herself that is really an expression of love for herself.

Putting herself in physical danger or engaging in self-destructive behavior is often a sign of a woman’s lack of love for herself. When asked why she would behave in such a way, she might say, “Oh, I will be OK,” or “I don’t care,” or “It doesn’t matter.” What she is really saying is that she thinks that she doesn’t matter and that she doesn’t care about herself. That is a sign that she lacks the minimum level of self-love that is necessary for good self-esteem. Disciplining her for that kind of misbehavior is an exercise in teaching her to love herself better. It is not a process of teaching her to become narcissistic and overly in love with herself. It is teaching her to value herself more highly. When she loves herself better, she will also be able to love others better, including her HOH. He disciplines her to teach her to be more loving towards herself.


Domestic Discipline also teaches a woman to love her HOH. Presumably, she does love him in general since she is married or in a long term relationship with him. But love can wax or wane as circumstances, events and attitudes change. Sometimes a woman will love her man conditionally. As long as he maintains or improves upon his existing level of income or status, she will continue to love him. In such a case, her love is more based on the size of his bank account than the quality of his heart and character. Disciplining her on a regular basis will help to teach her that she should love her HOH for who he is, not what he is. She should either love her HOH or leave him.

The common feminine offenses of disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect, when directed at her HOH, are evidence of a lack of love in her attitude or behavior towards him. The loving HOH does not want his woman’s obedience because he needs some kind of slave. He wants her obedience because it is a proof of her love. Her ability to trust and obey her husband is directly proportional to the amount of love she is willing to give him. Her obedience is a gift of love to her HOH, not a gift of time or effort. Every time she obeys her HOH, she is giving him a gift of her love. It is not because her HOH wants her obedience that he demands it of her. It is because he wants her love.


Thus, when an HOH punishes his woman for her disobedience, he is teaching her to be more loving, to show more love. It is the height of folly for an HOH not to punish his woman when she is disobedient, because he is tacitly encouraging her to behave in a non-loving way. Disciplining the disobedient woman teaches her to show more love to her HOH and to show that she cares about her relationship with him. Their relationship is based on love, so any attempt by her to undermine it is an attack on their love. Her disobedience must be punished because it is anti-love. Punishing the disobedient woman is a way of guiding her back towards a more loving path.

Dishonesty is an act that threatens the foundations of a relationship. In the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, the woman is punished for her dishonesty because that dishonesty is not loving. Dishonesty creates separation in a couple instead of unity. It is an artificial barrier that pushes the man and woman apart, when they should really be trying to get closer to each other. Dishonesty is a classic example of feminine misbehavior that the loving HOH should always punish. He should always punish his woman for dishonesty because he should always act to preserve and to enhance the love in their relationship. Disciplining the dishonest woman discourages her from behaving in a manner that would reduce or weaken their love. She is disciplined to dissuade her from behaving in a fashion that militates against love, that is not in the interests of love.


2 thoughts on “Why spanking can foster a loving relationship

  1. I’m not in a relationship right now and I want to be in a Dd relationship and I am a Christian. How can meet men my age interested in this type of lifestyle?


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