Guest Post: A DD relationship, where the HoH gets spanked

From time to time readers reach out to me, and I am very thankful for every single mail I get, because they offer a different perspective on things and many share interesting experiences. Recently, a man called Hugh contacted me with the following:

Hi, just messaging you out of curiosity. My wife and I practice DD. I am otherwise the HoH, but she spanks me (never the other way around). It might be for discipline, clearing the air, maintenance and various other reasons. Spankings take place each evening before coitus. What I particularly like about it is that it can take place with all negative feelings dealt with and the slate being wiped clean. What sort of terminology is used to describe this? Are you aware of many instances of this?

This comment shows the many facets domestic discipline has: An otherwise strict HoH gets spanked by his wife. It sparked my curiosity and I wanted to find out more, so we exchanged some emails. I asked Hugh whether he wanted to do a little guest post to introduce himself and to present his life, and he agreed. I hope you like it and I would appreciate it if it sparked some kind of discussion!

This is Hugh:

On Mark’s invitation, I decided to write a guest post about the spanking relationship my wife and I have had throughout our marriage. Apologies for not revealing many details about myself: – when talking about our spanking relationship, I have always wanted to make the details of our relationship the focus, rather than distracting attention from the details or attracting attention to our area.

My wife and I live in the Asia-Pacific region and we are both 21 years old. We got married aged 16 years, a fairly standard age in our village. Spanking has been a central part of our marriage throughout and we got married with the intention of having spanking in a central position, as tends to be done with marriages in our village: – we received the customary spanking paddle as one of our wedding presents. [Mark: Wow! Great community!]

It is difficult to match our ways to typical spanking vocabulary, but I will try and explain how things work as best I can. This article isn’t intended to criticise others’ way of doing things, but to explain our own. Our ways are in line with the prevailing opinion here that the husband is the head of the family, but only the husband is to be spanked. The view is that the husband is there to be the protector of his wife, rather than someone inflicting physical harm on her and should be ready to take knocks for her, which includes taking a spanking for the sake of restoring harmony. Ephesians 5:25 uses the word “ἀγαπᾶτε” to refer to the love a husband has for his wife, whereas “φιλάνδρους” is the word used to refer to wives loving their husbands in Titus 2:4. Our understanding is that “ἀγαπᾶτε” refers to a far deeper type of love than “φιλάνδρους” and is a sacrificial love (as the verse indicates). As far as I am concerned, taking spankings is one way in which I show my love for her in a sacrificial way.

[Mark: I have to say I don’t speak greek, impressive!]

The spanking takes on various characteristics, e.g. disciplinary, clear-the-air, maintenance etc and takes place before sex. The main reason for this is that sex is the purest form by which a husband expresses his love for his wife (short of dying for her). Spanking before sex reminds a husband that he has to earn his entry to the marital bed with sacrificial love. It also allows the married couple to have a clean slate before sex begins: – the wife gets everything out of her system and then it proceeds with the causes of resentment having already been dealt with. Furthermore, it is a reminder to him of the pain she has to endure to bring his children into the world (albeit a different sort of pain).

The spanking follows a routine. The husband embraces and kisses his wife for a few minutes both before and after the spanking, to make it clear that he loves her in spite of the pain she is inflicting. After the initial embrace, he turns around and drops his pants and trousers just enough to reveal his bottom, which his wife then spanks with the paddle as much and as hard as she deems suitable. Possibly until tears appear? Whatever she thinks fit. After the first spanking, he pulls the pants and trousers up again. Following the embrace, he takes his clothes off down to his pants, embracing between garments. After the few minutes embrace, he turns around and lowers his pants just enough to reveal his bottom and allows her to spank him again. The wife might choose to explain what he has done to upset her since the last spanking or what wrongdoing of his she is aware of. After the second post-spanking embrace, the husband stands back and lowers his pants to reveal his willy. When his wife gives the word, he gets his willy ready for entry. When she gives the word again, he enters. If the couple is already lying in bed, then before subsequent sex sessions, he will just lie face down on the bed while she spanks him.

There are several benefits I see for myself with this arrangement, including: –

1) When I have sex, it is without guilt, as I know that offences have been dealt with and I have displayed the sacrifical love necessary to enter the marital bed in taking the spanking.
2) We never let the sun go down on our anger: – the offences are dealt with during the spanking.
3) Increased intimacy: – marital spanking is a very intimate act.
4) Character growth: – in labouring to please my wife and taking corrective spankings when I fall short, I grow as a man.
5) I develop less of a complaining attitude towards life: – spanking teaches me of the need to suffer hardship for a greater good.
For these reasons and many more, I would thoroughly recommend this way of doing things to all husbands, as would other men in my village.

We have sometimes had issues with consistency, though less as time went by. I found that some spankings were half-hearted, as she didn’t want to hurt me. I would normally respond to these by embracing her and reassuring her that she didn’t need to worry about this, as 1) she needed to cause whatever pain was necessary for the issue to be considered dealt with and 2) God has given us a padded surface for pain to be inflicted without causing long-term injury. Doing this post-coitus also helps reassure her.

I hope this gives reasonable insight to the readers of this blog how things work with us. I am happy to take questions within reason, as I am keen to share the benefits of this way of doing things.


Mark: A great write up! I realize that spanking can enhance a couple’s intimacy, something that I myself should understand further. Your post shows, how receiving a spanking can be great for a HoH, too – I  will likely ask my wife to do one in the next time!

If you have any questions, please leave a comment!


18 thoughts on “Guest Post: A DD relationship, where the HoH gets spanked

  1. This is totally backwards from how God set it up to be. I HIGHLY disagree with her being the one who spanks. It isn’t biblical. If you are going to use the bible, please use it right. This person does NOT!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi, sorry for the slow reply to your comment on my post. What do you believe is wrong with this and the way the Bible has been used?


    • My wife spanks me because I find it highly erotic. Nothing to do with discipline or clearing the slate. Of course I am the HoH but I ask her to do what she does because.


      • That’s interesting ! We had a post on a similar situation recently.


    • That’s because you are inserting spanking into the biblical verses which talk about a wife submitting to her husband. This isn’t anything to do with spanking. Spanking is a sexual thing only for some. It is for me. It doesn’t switch my wife on but it does for me. She obeys the scriptures and tries to be submissive to me. There is nothing in the scriptures to say I have to dominate her. I am her head yes but most of all I am to love her. I think many are inserting spanking into the scriptures when it is nothing to do with it. Let us just take the scriptures as they are.


  2. I don’t have any right to question any HOH and how they run their home, but this doesn’t seem right to me, growing up in my family my brothers were exempt from being spanked but us girls were spanked by dad until we got married and were under the authority of our husband’s We girls were raised to be submissive and my brothers were raised to be servant leaders. My sisters and brothers and I would never even think of questioning why Mom got spanked, we all knew dad was in charge. Mom expected us girls to learn to be excellent homemakers and obedient and openly submissive wives. And she expected her boys to be strong men who knew how to be servant leaders and not squeamish about handing out punishment to family members but only if it was needed. She felt her own submission to my dad and even her punishments and corner time were setting an example for all her children. That we could see she wasn’t perfect, but she accepted the consequences of her mistakes and bad behavior and lived God’s order in the family. Dad didn’t allow mom to punish us, but a word from her to dad and you would find yourself with a very red behind on display standing in the dreaded corner, no exceptions. None of us ever disrespected Mom, dad wouldn’t allow this for a second. She was our example of what a Christian wife should be. We were all closer to her than we were to dad, I still am. I love my dad, but Mom is special.


    • Yes, she is. Mom is 65 now and Dad is 70, and they are both, thank the Lord, in very good health. Mom didn’t end up the dreaded corner with a very red bare bottom as often as me. especially, but not anywhere as often as my sisters too. I was the one who got the most spankings in the family because I was always the one most likely to do something wrong. It’s just my nature, I need help to stay on the straight and narrow, but the thing is that when Mom did get punished she made sure we knew that Dad was only doing what he had to do, she would explain to all of us that no matter how hard we try not to go astray from time, even moms will mess up and it’s was Dad’s job to make sure we continued to try to do better, work harder, put the ever active devil behind us. She says that God made women to need a loving but strict male authority to guide us and punish us from time to time. She said that a good wife accepts the humbling that comes with punishment and standing in corner after a good strapping bare bottomed (believe me this was humbling) was important in putting a woman into the proper mindset she needs to be obedient. That standing in the corner with any modesty forbidden gets rid of any false pride and bad attitude. Her talks to us made it easier for us girls to accept with a good heart the punishments that Dad handed out and for our brothers to understand better the burden of servant leadership and the need to do the unpleasant but very needed task of correction.


      • “strict male authority to guide us and punish us from time to time.” Perfect!


  3. Apparently 18% of men and 7% of women fantasise about spanking someone. 11% of men and 13% of women fantasise about being spanked. With the law of averages a woman will end up with a man who likes to be spanked 11% liklihood. It would be great if he ended up with one of the 7% of women who liked to spank. Often though these things have to be worked out in marriage. My wife never fantasised about spanking anyone but she got me and is comfortable in doing it.


    • Interesting, especially so many fantasizing about being spanked? Where did you find this?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s