Guest Post: A DD relationship, where the HoH gets spanked

From time to time readers reach out to me, and I am very thankful for every single mail I get, because they offer a different perspective on things and many share interesting experiences. Recently, a man called Hugh contacted me with the following:

Hi, just messaging you out of curiosity. My wife and I practice DD. I am otherwise the HoH, but she spanks me (never the other way around). It might be for discipline, clearing the air, maintenance and various other reasons. Spankings take place each evening before coitus. What I particularly like about it is that it can take place with all negative feelings dealt with and the slate being wiped clean. What sort of terminology is used to describe this? Are you aware of many instances of this?

This comment shows the many facets domestic discipline has: An otherwise strict HoH gets spanked by his wife. It sparked my curiosity and I wanted to find out more, so we exchanged some emails. I asked Hugh whether he wanted to do a little guest post to introduce himself and to present his life, and he agreed. I hope you like it and I would appreciate it if it sparked some kind of discussion!

This is Hugh:

On Mark’s invitation, I decided to write a guest post about the spanking relationship my wife and I have had throughout our marriage. Apologies for not revealing many details about myself: – when talking about our spanking relationship, I have always wanted to make the details of our relationship the focus, rather than distracting attention from the details or attracting attention to our area.

My wife and I live in the Asia-Pacific region and we are both 21 years old. We got married aged 16 years, a fairly standard age in our village. Spanking has been a central part of our marriage throughout and we got married with the intention of having spanking in a central position, as tends to be done with marriages in our village: – we received the customary spanking paddle as one of our wedding presents. [Mark: Wow! Great community!]

It is difficult to match our ways to typical spanking vocabulary, but I will try and explain how things work as best I can. This article isn’t intended to criticise others’ way of doing things, but to explain our own. Our ways are in line with the prevailing opinion here that the husband is the head of the family, but only the husband is to be spanked. The view is that the husband is there to be the protector of his wife, rather than someone inflicting physical harm on her and should be ready to take knocks for her, which includes taking a spanking for the sake of restoring harmony. Ephesians 5:25 uses the word “ἀγαπᾶτε” to refer to the love a husband has for his wife, whereas “φιλάνδρους” is the word used to refer to wives loving their husbands in Titus 2:4. Our understanding is that “ἀγαπᾶτε” refers to a far deeper type of love than “φιλάνδρους” and is a sacrificial love (as the verse indicates). As far as I am concerned, taking spankings is one way in which I show my love for her in a sacrificial way.

[Mark: I have to say I don’t speak greek, impressive!]

The spanking takes on various characteristics, e.g. disciplinary, clear-the-air, maintenance etc and takes place before sex. The main reason for this is that sex is the purest form by which a husband expresses his love for his wife (short of dying for her). Spanking before sex reminds a husband that he has to earn his entry to the marital bed with sacrificial love. It also allows the married couple to have a clean slate before sex begins: – the wife gets everything out of her system and then it proceeds with the causes of resentment having already been dealt with. Furthermore, it is a reminder to him of the pain she has to endure to bring his children into the world (albeit a different sort of pain).

The spanking follows a routine. The husband embraces and kisses his wife for a few minutes both before and after the spanking, to make it clear that he loves her in spite of the pain she is inflicting. After the initial embrace, he turns around and drops his pants and trousers just enough to reveal his bottom, which his wife then spanks with the paddle as much and as hard as she deems suitable. Possibly until tears appear? Whatever she thinks fit. After the first spanking, he pulls the pants and trousers up again. Following the embrace, he takes his clothes off down to his pants, embracing between garments. After the few minutes embrace, he turns around and lowers his pants just enough to reveal his bottom and allows her to spank him again. The wife might choose to explain what he has done to upset her since the last spanking or what wrongdoing of his she is aware of. After the second post-spanking embrace, the husband stands back and lowers his pants to reveal his willy. When his wife gives the word, he gets his willy ready for entry. When she gives the word again, he enters. If the couple is already lying in bed, then before subsequent sex sessions, he will just lie face down on the bed while she spanks him.

There are several benefits I see for myself with this arrangement, including: –

1) When I have sex, it is without guilt, as I know that offences have been dealt with and I have displayed the sacrifical love necessary to enter the marital bed in taking the spanking.
2) We never let the sun go down on our anger: – the offences are dealt with during the spanking.
3) Increased intimacy: – marital spanking is a very intimate act.
4) Character growth: – in labouring to please my wife and taking corrective spankings when I fall short, I grow as a man.
5) I develop less of a complaining attitude towards life: – spanking teaches me of the need to suffer hardship for a greater good.
For these reasons and many more, I would thoroughly recommend this way of doing things to all husbands, as would other men in my village.

We have sometimes had issues with consistency, though less as time went by. I found that some spankings were half-hearted, as she didn’t want to hurt me. I would normally respond to these by embracing her and reassuring her that she didn’t need to worry about this, as 1) she needed to cause whatever pain was necessary for the issue to be considered dealt with and 2) God has given us a padded surface for pain to be inflicted without causing long-term injury. Doing this post-coitus also helps reassure her.

I hope this gives reasonable insight to the readers of this blog how things work with us. I am happy to take questions within reason, as I am keen to share the benefits of this way of doing things.


Mark: A great write up! I realize that spanking can enhance a couple’s intimacy, something that I myself should understand further. Your post shows, how receiving a spanking can be great for a HoH, too – I  will likely ask my wife to do one in the next time!

If you have any questions, please leave a comment!


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