This answer will be unique to each couple who practices domestic discipline, but there are some generalizations available. Most husbands will not tolerate lying, direct defiance, or a consistent sort of carelessness that could potentially either damage the relationship or allow someone to be injured. Beyond this, each couple has issues that are unique to their personalities, family situations, and religious convictions. In one family the wife’s swearing would be of no consequence; in other it would merit a spanking with no questions asked. For one husband, an occasional unrecorded check in the ledger would be no big deal; for another, it would mean a spanking every time.
We believe punishment spanking should be achieved in the following manner.
First, it should be administered as soon as possible after the offense is discovered or confessed.
The logistics of jobs or children make it impossible to carry out immediately on many occasions, but long delays are not ideal. One caveat: In the heat of anger is not the best time. The husband can be irritated: if he’s not at least a little upset, one has to wonder if what she did is “bad” enough to merit a real punishment, but true anger had better dissipate before he sets about inflicting pain on her. So “as soon as possible” means “as soon as possible after he’s cooled down.” Allowing some time to reflect that a spanking is coming is often a good thing.
Second, the young lady should be sent to wait for her spanking in a designated punishment location.
It is a good idea to have a location – such as a basement or garage or barn that is used only for punishment but in many families that might not be possible. If the only location available is the bedroom, it’s a good idea to still have something that designates this as a punishment a straight-backed chair that is never used any other time, for example.
- How long she waits is very dependant on infraction and circumstances. On an occasion where time is short and the husband is irritated, she might find him barely a minute behind her. On another occasion, for example, if a check has bounced, the punishment might include balancing the checkbook before the spanking; this could take hours (or days!)
- What she does while she waits is dependent on the infraction and personal preference, but it should be punishment-related. Watching TV or reading is pointless. Waiting bare-bottomed in the corner… writing that apology …balancing that checkbook …or just sitting quietly reflecting on why she’s there… all have their place.
- A possible exception to these first two instructions might be the rare time when she’s caught unexpectedly actually in “mischief,” for example the bad habit that he’s tried patiently to break. In a home where the wife’s swearing is a problem, consider the following scenario. He’s outside (or so she thinks!); she’s inside washing dishes. A cup breaks and out pops one of the forbidden words that he just happens to overhear. If there are no children around, probably the most effective thing he can do is pull out one of the kitchen chairs, get out a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, bare her butt, and spank hard right there and right then until she’s squirming and begging. Then after a short discussion on the evils of four letter words and some more spanking, she’s sent directly back to washing the dishes, now with a sore and stinging butt. Although most punishment spankings will not be so direct or simple, there is a place for this occasionally.
Third, the disciplinarian will arrive and discussion will begin.
Again, methods will diverge here, and will probably vary dramatically even within one couple, depending on circumstance. At times, a much longer scolding/discussion will ensue. An apology might be read and discussed; the newly-balanced checkbook reviewed and (hopefully!) approved. In general, though, discussion during this phase should focus more on what the behavior was and why; the future will be discussed later. At other times, where the misdeed is clear-cut and acknowledged (and does not involve a real “character” flaw), a briefer and more direct approach can be used. “Why are we here, young lady?” “Because I swore at you,” “Fine, get your butt over here.” In this instance, there’s little more to say.
Fourth, implements will be selected.
This is another point at which the “ritual” will vary depending on the couple and the infraction. For us, virtually every decision about a punishment spanking is made by he. Where, when, with what… all are his choices. He might decide to use a switch, and I would be sent to select and prepare it, but other than that he makes all the decisions. For another couple, it might be appropriate for the wife to select several implements that will be used. Still other couples might have only one implement a special paddle for example that is always used for punishment.
We digress here to deal with a side issue the non-penitent young lady. First, we believe that adult spanking must be consensual in the sense that the female in the relationship has fully and freely consented to the use of corporal punishment and has acknowledged that ultimately when and how it is used is her partner’s decision. This does not mean that she will consent immediately and with total submission to every spanking. However, a couple in which a kicking, struggling, screaming female must be dragged off to a beating is not in the right mind-set to be using c.p. at all. This is not domestic discipline; it’s abuse. When I use the term non-penitent, I mean rather an unsubmissive young lady who has gone to wait for a spanking but is still pouty, sullen, and/or mentally resistant. Possibly she has needed the help of a few hard swats, and a “Move it, young lady” to get her there at all. Or we may be discussing a young lady who has glibly ignored a clear instruction to go wait for her spanking.
How is this dealt with?
In our opinion, this is defiance and a lack of submission that is an offense completely separate from whatever the “real” offense was in the first place, and this must be dealt with separately. If a couple is truly committed to DD in its purest (and at times, its most challenging form) the husband must realize that on occasion the young lady will require initial “correction” to resolve the defiance before the spanking for the offense itself can commence. If he is certain in his own mind that he is correct, he must have the wherewithal to spank her to the “proper sense of regret,” before the “true” punishment can begin. On the hopefully rare occasions that this sort of spanking is necessary (if it’s necessary too often, the couple needs to examine their commitment to DD in general) it’s likely to be a session more stressful and serious than the ultimate punishment spanking will be.
Fourth, the spanking will commence.
he will generally spank me over his knee, though occasionally I will be instructed to bend over the bed, or place my hands on a chair seat. I will be required to bare myself to the panty stage (i.e., pull up my own skirt, pull down my pants) but he pulls the panties down. Why? No reason other than personal preference. Some disciplinarians might prefer to begin the spanking through panties, but we feel that punishment spanking should be as simple and direct as possible; this means bare bottom from beginning to end. I then am required to cooperatively get into position.
Whenever I am receiving a real punishment spanking, I am always asked right before the spanking begins
a) why I am getting the spanking, and
b) if I know any reason why I shouldn’t get the spanking.
Once these questions have been answered to he’s satisfaction, he will begin spanking, usually with his hand. I am spanked hard and fast, with no breaks, until I am really begging and squirming. Sometimes, if he thinks he’s not making enough of an impression, he will begin using a paddle or the bathbrush at some point here. But whatever implement is or is not used, this phase of the spanking does not stop until I am close to “losing it.” How long this is, how hard he needs to spank to get me to this point, though depends on many factors, including how sorry I was before he started and what time of the month it is. (Another article on the site – Barb’s Bad Day by Josh contains an excellent description of the stages of a punishment spanking.)
At this point, he will stop spanking for a while, and we “talk” about what I’ve done, why I’m there, and why I believe it won’t happen again in the future. Depending on infraction, (telling a lie, for example, being MUCH worse than “sass”) a “phase two” will begin. For a minor infraction, again such as a fresh mouth, he might lecture briefly, then pick up the implement and give me a second, very hard spanking (without ever letting me off his lap) until I am pleading, and begging, and promising desperately and until my backside is at least very bright red and showing the signs of at least a few marks. For a more serious infraction, like a fib to someone else, I might be put in the corner for 5-10 minutes, then get the second spanking. For a really serious infraction, like a lie to him, after the second spanking, I would probably have a second break, during which I would write an essay about why I KNOW this will never happen again, and then go back over his knee again, for a third spanking with (most likely) a cane or switch, our most severe implements. On one occasion I was sent to cut the switch that was to be used during the third spanking after the second.
he finds that this method of “breaks” and then spanking again on an already tender bottom is the most effective way to inflict a fair amount of “discomfort” (he’s euphemism reminds me a little of childbirth classes!) without leaving excessive bruising or marks.
Fifth, the spanking is over.
he and I generally cuddle but do not have sex after a punishment spanking. I am typically too sore to want to sit on his lap, and will kneel on the floor next to his legs and cry for awhile, while he strokes my hair and talks to me. I almost never cry during a real spanking, but will cry afterwards. Other couples choose to maintain the punishment through a further correction, such as sending her to bed with a hot bottom and no comforting. It’s a personal choice.