The practicality of CDD inside a family

I recently received an email asking the following. I wanted to post this, because it already lays out a great strategy to live CDD as a family.


Your comment: I was wondering if you could do a post on the practicality of CDD inside a family environment.

What would the day in the life of a CDD family look like? Particularly, what this looks like when you have children in the home? I noticed you advocate for the wife to be nude during her punishment so are these done in private? What if the children hear the spanking or the cries of their mother?

How open should you be with children growing up in the home and at what age do you expose them to the truth of CDD if ever?

Do you raise boys and girls differently within a CDD home? If so then how? Should girls be raised to be more feminine and expect discipline and boys more masculine and expect to give spankings to their future wives/girlfriends?

My assumption is strict privacy, but I interacted with a young lady who grew up in a CDD home where the family was completely open about it. This was a practice supported by their extended family and their church. Both she and her mother were openly disciplined (even in the nude). The family of four consisted of father, mother, daughter (whom I’m referring to), and younger brother.

The younger brother who eventually came of age was over time permitted to spank his older sister and eventually his mother. According to her, her younger brother was allowed to observe her spankings when he was 11, and she was 13, and then he was allowed to spank her when he was 13, and she was 15. He began to observe his mother’s spankings at about 15 and began to spank her at the age of 16. I was forwarded an email by the older sister which got from her pastor of what this coming of age process looked like for her younger brother:


The first thing to note is that this is a general template and may not work for every family or every young man.

The intent is to provide a framework that can be modified and adjusted to fit your family’s and your son’s needs.

  • 1. Stop – The first step to training up a young man to be a future Head of the Household (HOH) is to phase out or stop entirely the use of spanking for discipline. Instead, transition to more “adult” consequences that align more with what he will see in the real world.

a. Teaching Points: maturity, manhood, gender roles within the family

b. Timeline: recommended to take this step between 10 and 13 years old.

  • 2. Introduce – The next step is to introduce your son to seeing how you as the HOH discipline his siblings (sisters or brothers under 10). He should be encouraged to watch and listen but not participate (he may ask you questions after the fact).

a. Teaching Points: rules and consequences, consistency, appropriate severity

b. Timeline: recommend 3-6 months at this level

  • 3. Expand – After your son has a thorough understanding of how you handle discipline for his sisters, you should tell him (if you haven’t already) about his mother’s discipline and invite him to her sessions with the same stipulations to watch and listen only.

a. Teaching Points: scope of HOH authority, rules, and consequences, consistency, appropriate severity

b. Timeline: recommend 2-3 months at this level

  • 4. Enlist – Now that your son understands how to apply the rules consistently and fairly, you should ask him to begin letting you know if his sisters misbehave and deserve any discipline.

a. Teaching Points: fairness, deciding the right punishment

b. Timeline: recommend 6 months at this level

  • 5. Help – Now that your son has a fair amount of experience seeing everyone in the house receive discipline and recommending it for his sisters, he can start to help you administer it for his sisters. This may include lecturing/asking questions, supervising time out/corner time, or even as far as undressing the misbehaving sister.

a. Teaching Points: technique, delivery, responsibility

b. Timeline: recommend 9-12 months at this level

  • 6. Deputize – Once your son is integrated into the disciplinary work of the HOH, it’s time to fully deputize him and ask him to begin helping you with his mom. This is the same as #4 Enlist.

a. Teaching Points: fairness, consistency, don’t be intimidated

b. Timeline: recommend 2-3 months at this level

  • 7. Learn – Assuming everything has gone well so far, it’s time for your son to learn how to give a spanking and conduct any other elements of discipline your family uses. He should (under your tight supervision) be given the opportunity to discipline his sisters.

a. Teaching Points: technique, applying what he’s learned

b. Timeline: recommend 12-18 months at this level

  • 8. Practice – Once his technique for both identifying when to punish and delivering it is refined, your son should be allowed to give his sisters discipline on his own.

a. Teaching Points: exercising authority

b. Timeline: recommend 6 months at this level

  • 9. Improve – Now that your son has fully taken on HOH responsibilities for his sisters, he should begin to learn the differences in how to apply it to an older woman, his mother (under your supervision).

a. Teaching Points: severity, compassion

b. Timeline: recommend 6 months at this level

  • 10. Master – Congratulations! Your son has fully developed his skills under your guidance. The last step is to make him your full Deputy HOH by giving him full authority to discipline in your absence (including his mother).

a. Teaching Points: constant improvement

b. Timeline: indefinite


Any posts you’d be willing to do on these questions would be greatly appreciated! Looking forward to reading them and learning more. Thank you for time and your continued posts.


4 thoughts on “The practicality of CDD inside a family

  1. Jane’s Husband

    What is described above is , I would argue , the ideal condition that should exist in the dynamics of A Truly Believing Christian Family. If the lord intended that order in the family and the headship of the father and husband is to be enforced when needed by the use of corporal punishment, limited to spankings , mouth washing and other non harmful correction then it makes no sense that CDD is a secret the husband and wife keep. This simply makes no sense. As I read the above , it is so close to the way my father in law taught me to lead my family I can almost believe he wrote it. This will be controversial I am sure, but it makes great sense that CDD is an open part of any Christian family dynamic.


  2. Jane’s Husband

    I would like to expand on my comment above. I began the use of CDD about a year after we were married before our first child was born. My wife grew up in a home where CDD was openly practiced I knew that her father spanked her even when we were dating. I was not OK with this at the time and had no intention of ever using CDD after we married. However, after we married about a year her behavior became so troublesome, after engaging her father in our problem, I decided we needed CDD in our marriage. My father in law had talked to me about CDD, he kept a strap hanging on the wall in the kitchen, I had even witnessed Jane’s mother doing corner time after she got a speeding ticket. You could see this strap had been used on her behind, it was quite marked.

    So, from the beginning CDD was openly practiced in our home by the time our Children were born. Out boys are raised to be servant leaders and our daughters obedient wives. My wife has also trained our daughters to be good homemakers. After age 13 our sons were no longer subject to spankings, but of course our daughters are subject to spankings at home until they become married and under the authority of their husband. I do not allow our sons to administer corporal punishment but they have been trained to understand how CDD works, their mother and sisters being used as examples.


  3. Ben doesn’t allow our son who still lives at home to spank me, but he is 18 and is an authority in our house. I must show him respect but Ben won’t let him be mean to me. Sometimes Ben has him undress me if I am going to get punished and sometimes if Ben is busy he tells my son to get me in the tub for my Saturday bath. Ben thinks that’s good training when our son gets married and has to rule over his wife.


  4. Last Saturday I got spanked by our minister and my son. I got into a fight at Bible study with the minster’s wife and he gave me and his a wife a bad spanking with his belt and then called Ben, Ben was really mad at me, we got into a fight before. Ben was so mad he told our son to give me a strapping and put me in the corner. I really messed up but now Ben has calmed down and told me that he and our minster are trying to figure out why we can’t get along.


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