Respect and Submission are of particular importance in a marriage because the standard marriage vows for the bride always included the phrase “to love, honor and obey” her husband. In the last two or three decades, most couples have omitted this promise from the vows because it was not seen as consistent with modern attitudes to marriage. However, in recent years, this phrase has become more popular again, along with women who choose to take their husband’s last name instead of keeping their own. This trend is a sign that women want to submit to and obey their husband because they realize that doing so validates their own womanhood and femininity. Previously, women attempted to set themselves up as a rival to their husband, almost as if they were themselves men. This rivalry not only caused great friction in the marriage, but also seriously devalued the woman’s femininity.
In the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle, Respect and Submission are important issues. They take several different forms.
Most importantly, the woman is always expected to be obedient during discipline. If she is not, she can naturally expect a Disobedience Discipline to correct her lack of obedience to her HOH when he disciplines her for misbehavior. Obedience is a feminine quality that can be expressed at other times too. It is not only during discipline that the loving woman should obey her husband.
A woman in the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle should obey her HOH’s decisions and commands, even in his absence. Obeying him only when he is present is not real obedience – it is deceit. Many women incorrectly imagine that obedience simply means complying with a superior physical force – when their HOH is present, the woman had better obey because otherwise she might be spanked for disobedience. But as soon as he leaves, she returns to her usual disobedient ways, safe in the knowledge that he will not find out about her disobedience. Or at least she hopes he won’t find out. This is a very common form of female misbehavior and should be carefully guarded against by the loving and wise HOH.
Obedience also means being obedient to the principles of behavior which have been laid down by the HOH. If the HOH has explained to his woman that he does not want her endangering her own safety unnecessarily, he may have made specific reference to her driving techniques. He may have told her not to speed, for example. So his woman may have taken this principle on board and obeyed his injunction against speeding. But if she then goes and drinks a dangerous amount of alcohol before driving her car, she is being willfully disobedient to the principle of safe driving previously outlined by her HOH. She may reason to herself that he made no specific comment about drunk driving, so therefore she is not being disobedient. But she knows in her heart that she is being disobedient to her HOH and that she will have to answer for her disobedience when he finds out. Providing she doesn’t kill herself or someone else in an automobile accident, in which case she will be answering either to God or to the police, respectively.
The principles of behavior that any woman in the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle should follow are quite simple and clear.
They consist of honesty, respect and obedience. Some couples have variations on these, but the essence remains these three principles of behavior. Respect is a very useful and broad principle. When a woman puts herself in unnecessary danger, she is disrespecting her own self. That is a punishable offense, so she should not be surprised to be spanked for her misbehavior. Honesty is a simple principle that involves telling the truth. For some women, the truth is a vague concept that bears little relationship to their everyday existence. These women are most in need of Christian Domestic Discipline. And obedience is the feminine virtue that is the subject of this article.
Why is obedience useful and important in Christian Domestic Discipline?
Or more to the point, why should a woman be obedient to her HOH? In fact, why should a woman be obedient to her husband? What is the original purpose behind the traditional marriage vow of wifely obedience? Why should a wife obey her husband?
A woman should be obedient to her HOH to prove her love and trust. Demonstrating her trust in her HOH is a very loving act. Every man wants to be loved and trusted by his wife. And why shouldn’t he? No man marries a woman with the expectation that he will be hated and mistrusted by her. He enters marriage for the opposite reason, because he is seeking love and trust. So any woman who obeys her HOH is showing her love for and trust in him. Her obedience is itself an act of love. Instead of seeing her obedience as an act of someone who is downtrodden and oppressed, she should recognize it as a genuine act of love that strengthens her relationship with her husband.
When a woman is obedient to her HOH, she is validating him as the leader of their relationship and of their family. She has accepted him as a leader because she has given herself in marriage to him as his wife. She has further accepted him as a leader because she has agreed to (and often instigated herself) the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle that they share together. She has agreed to him being her HOH – her Head of Household. Any time she obeys her HOH, she validates his leadership and strengthens her relationship and her family. She is building her own environment as surely as if she were helping to build her own home. Attacking the authority of her HOH is like purposely damaging her own home. Why would anyone sane do such a thing? No one would break one of their own windows on purpose, or make a hole in their roof so that the wind and rain could enter their home. Yet female disobedience has the same effect on a marriage. It attacks the very structure that protects, nurtures and builds a loving future for the couple.
A woman should also be obedient to her HOH because her obedience validates herself. When she is obedient, she validates herself as a woman and as a wife. Her act of obedience is a statement that she is happy and proud of her womanhood. It is a statement that she is proud of being her man’s wife. Disobedience is a negative statement that the woman is somehow ashamed of being a woman and of being a wife.
Obedience enhances a woman’s own femininity by validating it. Obedience is an act that implies that the woman does value her own womanhood, that she sincerely values her own femininity. And by acknowledging the value that she places on her own femininity, she is actually helping to build and enhance her own femininity. She is helping to value and improve her own womanhood. This has tremendous personal benefits for her as a woman and as a wife. But the benefits go beyond those. If she actively accepts, values and enhances her own femininity, she will also be benefiting other women around her. She will be actively promoting femininity through her own behavior and attitude. She will be helping the world as well as herself. That is why it is so important for a woman to accept and understand her own femininity. That is why it is so important for a woman to be obedient. And that is why the Christian Domestic Discipline is so deeply beneficial for both the married couple and the wider community. Because it builds an acceptance of, an understanding of and a validation of femininity in the wider world.
Love and respect
When a woman obeys her HOH, she is also actively building her own love and respect for him. Why should she build her respect for him? She already respects him. Why should she worry about respecting him more than she already does? Because the respect that she has for her HOH builds her loving relationship with him. And because the respect that she has for others ultimately becomes the respect that she has for herself. She cannot pretend to respect herself when she does not respect others. The most important other is her HOH. When she was a child, the most important other was each of her parents. As an adult, the most important other is her husband and HOH. Her significant other. By respecting him through her obedience, she expresses her own self-respect.
The more the woman can build her respect for her HOH, the happier she will be. How can a woman be happy when she doesn’t respect her husband? When she is able to respect her HOH, she feels happier and more secure. She knows that he is worthy of his role as husband, HOH and leader. She gives him the respect that he is due for his efforts on her behalf as a woman and on their own behalf as a couple.
Obedience builds love in a relationship. When a man is obeyed by his woman, he sees and feels a concrete demonstration of her love, respect and trust for him. He feels loved, respected and trusted as a man. He feels validated in his leadership. This has great benefits for him as a man, both personally and professionally. It also has great benefits for his relationship with his woman. He doesn’t feel like she is fighting with him for control of their relationship. Instead, he can feel her allowing him to take his natural, manly role of leader. This takes a great load off his mind and frees up a lot of energy which can be put to positive use. So many men spend all day at work, fighting their battles with the outside world. Then, they come home and fight additional battles with their woman, because she does not respect, trust or obey her husband in any way. This corrosive situation is why so many people get divorced. A man gets tired of fighting battles on two fronts at the same time.
Obedience avoids this problem of constant marital warfare and replaces it instead with a natural and positive complementarity between masculine and feminine energies. In this way, the woman’s obedience to her HOH builds a great deal of love in the relationship because it follows the natural masculine and feminine pathways of their respective energies. Disobedience blocks the flow and obedience encourages it. One of the main energies to flow is love. Obedience is a simple yet effective technique for building love in a relationship. The loving woman will regard obedience to her HOH as one of the primary techniques for building love in her marriage.
Not surprisingly, feminine obedience will also build domestic harmony. Christian Domestic Discipline itself builds domestic harmony because the tension that usually causes discord can be simply and effectively defused through the disciplinary process. When a woman is obedient to her HOH, she opens herself up to the natural flow of feminine energy that courses through her being. She enables her true, feminine self to flower and exist in complementary harmony with the masculine energies of her HOH.
Obedience is important because it also helps to build a woman’s submission. As explained in the Submission article, submission is a central part of the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle and is a valuable quality for the woman to cultivate in herself. Submission and obedience are intimately connected. The word obedience itself means submission to the will of authority. In Christian Domestic Discipline, the HOH is the authority to whom the woman must submit. If she wants to learn to submit to him, she must begin by practicing her obedience to him. By obeying her HOH, the woman learns to submit to him. She builds her submission and her femininity simply by being obedient to her HOH.
Obedience and submission are also linked in the opposite direction. When a woman decides to submit to her HOH, obedience follows as an automatic consequence. Obedience is a natural result of submission, because a woman cannot be submissive without also being obedient to her HOH. One of the first signs of a woman’s submission to her HOH is her obedience to him. Submission consists of more than just politeness. It implies obedience too. Obedience is one of the simple tests of a woman’s submission. If she is truly as submissive to her HOH as she claims to be, she should have no problem obeying him. If she has problems of obedience, then she is less submissive than she thinks and she needs to work on her submission. A woman cannot be submissive and disobedient at the same time. If she is submissive, then she will also be obedient.
One of the most important reasons that submission is beneficial for a woman in a Christian Domestic Discipline relationship is because submission builds and enhances the woman’s femininity. It enhances her femininity – and therefore her attractiveness to her man – more than the most expensive and beautiful clothes, shoes and perfumes. The greatest fashion accessory in the world is a woman’s own femininity. Yet it costs no money to acquire, because every woman already has it. Many women don’t know that they have it, or don’t want to admit that they have it, but they have it all the same. Many women have spent a lifetime trying to suppress their own femininity because they fear it will overwhelm them if it is allowed to surface. But women who embrace the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle have come to terms with the existence of their own femininity and are now trying to explore it with the assistance of their HOH.
As submission creates and enhances a woman’s femininity, so too her obedience also substantially increases her femininity. Obedience to her HOH is one of the easiest things a woman can do to enhance her femininity and womanly sex appeal. By working on her obedience, a woman is automatically working on her femininity. She is working on becoming fulfilled in her own womanhood. She is accepting her feminine nature and personality, rather than fighting it or suppressing it. This takes a huge burden from her and frees up a lot of energy for positive and creative efforts, because the suppression of one’s own self takes a lot of energy. When a woman stops suppressing her own femininity, she gains a great deal of life and energy. She is becoming herself.
How should a woman be obedient to her HOH?
If obedience is such a great thing, then she needs to know what she should do. Well, firstly she should concentrate on obeying her HOH’s orders to her. This is particularly important during actual discipline, when obedience to her HOH is mandatory and when disobedience will be punished with a Disobedience Discipline. But a woman should also be obedient to her HOH’s orders, commands, firm recommendations and pointed suggestions at other times too. As discussed previously, the need for her to be obedient does not stop when her spanking does. She is required to obey her HOH at all other times too.
A woman can demonstrate her obedience to her HOH by respecting his wishes when he is not around. He does not need to be present for his wishes to be respected and for his intentions to be obeyed by his woman. She should remember to be obedient to him even when he is absent, because she is subject to his authority and should respect and obey him at all times.
She needs to obey and respect the principles that he has established in their relationship and home. She should anticipate his wishes, even in situations where he has not explicitly stated them. She cannot always be correct, but she can certainly try. It is important that she does not take a legalistic approach to obedience. She should obey the spirit of his principles, not the letter of them. She should not split hairs and justify her disobedience by claiming that her HOH never explicitly forbade a certain kind of misbehavior. That is not obedience – it is sophistry and legalistic argumentation that have no place in the home or in an intimate relationship between a man and his woman.
A woman cannot expect a direct order or rule from her HOH for every single situation that may arise.
She will have to use her common sense and work out what her HOH would have her do or say in a situation where her behavior has not previously been prescribed or outlined by her HOH. The principles of good female behavior are not difficult to work out, so this should not be a huge challenge for the woman. Her own instincts should normally tell her whether something is right or wrong. She should also know that if she chooses the disrespectful, disobedient or dishonest course of action, she can expect to be disciplined for her misbehavior by her HOH. This is only fair and is the basis of the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Without the possibility of physical discipline, there would be no incentive for the woman to improve her behavior and attitude.
How can a woman be taught obedience?
What steps can her HOH take so that his woman becomes more obedient? How can he help her in her efforts to become more obedient? There are a number of different ways. The first group of techniques for teaching a woman obedience are physical. The primary technique used in the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle for teaching the woman obedience is the classic punishment spanking. Punishing the misbehaving woman by spanking her to tears is the simplest, easiest and most effective way to teach her obedience. One of the most common reasons that a woman needs to be spanked to tears is because she has been disobedient. Disobedience is a common form of female misbehavior that should normally be dealt with by thoroughly spanking the woman so that she is sobbing repentantly and submissively. Obedience is a natural and desirable consequence of a normal punishment spanking, because the pain and the shame of being spanked to tears by her HOH will teach the woman that her obedience is a basic requirement, not an optional extra. Obedience is one of the most basic and primary feminine responsibilities in a Christian Domestic Discipline relationship, because obedience is what any loving woman owes her man, along with love and honor. Just as the bride vows to obey her new husband, so too should any woman in a Christian Domestic Discipline relationship make obedience one of her first priorities.
Maintenance Discipline is another excellent way to teach a woman to be more obedient. A regular Maintenance Discipline schedule will remind the woman to be more loving, honest, respectful, submissive and, of course, more obedient. By spanking her regularly to tears with a Maintenance Discipline, her HOH will be helping her to discover her obedience and submission, as well as helping her to flower in her femininity. Maintenance Discipline is amazingly effective in teaching a woman to become more obedient to her HOH. Even though the woman has not committed a spankable offense, giving her a regular Maintenance Discipline when she is reasonably well-behaved will remind her that good behavior is not just a question of not being disobedient, it is also a question of being actively obedient too. Instead of worrying about avoiding being disobedient, Maintenance Discipline teaches the woman that she should put her efforts into looking for opportunities to be obedient. It teaches her to take the “glass is half full” approach, rather than the “glass is half empty” one. By seeking to be more obedient to her HOH, she is building her submission, her femininity and her love for her HOH. She is validating herself as a woman and as a wife. She is putting energy into her relationship, not just taking it out.
If a woman is having problems with obedience and finds herself regularly receiving punishment spankings because of her disobedience, that is a sign that her HOH needs to consider administering more frequent Maintenance Discipline spankings to her as well. Sometimes, in order to avoid the stress and inconvience of having to discipline a woman for too frequent misbehavior, she needs to be given more frequent Maintenance Discipline. This will teach her to become more obedient to her HOH, without having to wait for an episode of disobedience. Instead of waiting until she is disobedient, a Maintenance Discipline spanking will ensure that she is reminded of the need for her to be obedient to her HOH.
Of course, the ultimate technique in conventional Christian Domestic Discipline for teaching a woman obedience is to administer a Disobedience Discipline. These are only necessary when the woman is actually disobedient during a normal punishment spanking or Maintenance Discipline spanking. A woman’s disobedience is worst when it occurs during discipline, because her disobedience strikes at the heart of the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle and the foundations of her relationship with her HOH. While it is bad that she is disobedient at any time, it is especially negative if her disobedience takes place while she is being disciplined – for whatever reason. It is crucial that she be taught obedience to her HOH while he is disciplining her. For this reason, Disobedience Discipline exists to discourage the woman from disobeying during any kind of spanking.
The Disobedience Discipline article discusses the process of administering a disobedience discipline in some detail, as well as the surrounding issues. Some HOH’s will give their woman a Disobedience Discipline after her main punishment spanking is complete, while others will simply punish her for longer. Those who like to count the swats they administer will often restart the swat count at zero, leaving the woman in no doubt that her disobedience is the cause of her increased punishment. Other HOH’s who do not normally count each swat during a spanking will suddenly start counting when the woman becomes disobedient. Each count may represent a single additional swat the woman will receive as a subsequent Disobedience Discipline, or it may represent several swats (2, 5, 10, etc) that she will later receive.
A Preemptive Discipline is given to a woman immediately before a situation where past history shows she is likely to misbehave again. This might be before a night out, or having a guest stay for the weekend, or having the in-laws over for dinner. By giving her a good Preemptive Discipline spanking before the event in question, her HOH can be reasonably sure that the chances of her misbehaving are reduced to a minimum. A sound spanking before a situation in which she is likely to misbehave will leave her in tears, with a sore bottom but with a vastly improved attitude. When a woman is spanked until she is sobbing submissively, the chances of her misbehaving are very low.
Even an Introductory Discipline, administered at the start of a couple’s Christian Domestic Discipline relationship, will help to teach the woman obedience. Her very first spanking will not only give her a taste of the discipline she can expect to receive if she misbehaves, but will also give her a strong incentive to obey her HOH in his new role as the leader of the home. Her first spanking will inspire obedience to her HOH in a way that her own desire to obey him never did. There is nothing like a good spanking to help a woman learn that obedience is not only required of her, it is also demanded. When a man cannot expect obedience from his woman, he usually cannot expect a great deal of love, respect or trust either. When the woman is taught obedience to her HOH, her love, respect and trust for him usually increase dramatically. An Introductory Discipline is the perfect way to introduce a woman to the natural and healthy need for her to be obedient to her new HOH.
So many women unfortunately enter marriage with the firm belief that they will never be obedient to their new husband under any circumstances and that to do so would be a betrayal of all that they have been taught. They see it as an expression of their feminist beliefs that they should never obey their man, ever. All too soon these women join the ranks of the newly divorced because they have put their political beliefs above their own happiness and above their own feminine instincts. A lovingly administered Introductory Discipline is all that a woman needs to put her on the right path to love, intimacy and togetherness. Obedience is such a simple yet effective way of getting everything she ever dreamed of – love, romance, intimacy, fulfillment and harmony.
Beyond the physical approaches to teaching a woman obedience, there are also the Non-Spanking Discipline techniques that can be just as good in helping her to become more obedient to her HOH. It is not only through corporal punishment that a woman can be taught obedience. The non-physical techniques rely on the moral power of the woman’s HOH to make her more obedient to him and thereby a happier and more fulfilled woman.
The Christian Domestic Discipline contract
There is another, non-physical approach to teaching a woman to be more obedient that has nothing to do with Non-Spanking Discipline. It is the Christian Domestic Discipline contract. Not all couples use a written contract when they embrace the Christian Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Many couples simply agree to begin the lifestyle with the understanding that the HOH is responsible for disciplining his woman for her misbehavior and that the woman is responsible for ensuring that her behavior is always loving, positive, respectful, honest and obedient. But if the woman tries to trick herself into believing that a certain type of misbehavior is actually OK, then she can slip rapidly into disobedience.
Creating a written contract is one way to avoid this problem of female disobedience. By clearly outlining what kind of behavior is required from the woman and what constitutes misbehavior, the woman has a simple and clear set of guidelines that she must adhere to. She cannot so easily dupe herself into thinking that her misbehavior is actually OK when it is not. It is all written down clearly in her contract. Her HOH can show her the contract shortly before she is disciplined and explain to her why her misbehavior deserves punishment. Confronted with the written evidence of the promise she previously made, the woman will have no option but to obey her HOH and submit to her punishment. In this way, a contract will help to enforce the woman’s obedience to her HOH.
How can a woman improve her own obedience? What can she do to become more obedient to her HOH? There is a great deal that the woman can do to develop her own obedience. The HOH works on teaching his woman obedience via various physical and non-physical forms of discipline, but the woman can make her own contribution too. After all, it is in her own best interests to improve her obedience so that she can discover and enhance her own femininity and submission.
A woman can practice obedience on a daily basis. Some women think that obedience is something that only needs to be considered during discipline spankings. This is a serious mistake on their part. Obedience means obedience at all times, not selective or limited obedience. When a woman can train herself to be obedient in the little things of everyday life, she will have no problem with the larger, more important issues that challenge most couples.
When a woman’s HOH asks her to do something simple such as sending a letter or paying a bill, there is absolutely no reason for her not to obey. This is not a feminist issue or a sign that she is downtrodden. It is a simple and reasonable request from her HOH. By practicing obedience to simple requests and demands from her HOH, a woman can help herself and her relationship to develop and grow.
When a woman needs to be disciplined for her misbehavior, she can also practice obedience to her HOH. She can comply immediately with his instructions to prepare herself for her spanking. She can proceed quietly and obediently to the place of her punishment, which will usually be the bedroom. She can disrobe promptly and obediently when ordered to do so by her HOH. She can place herself into the appropriate punishment position (usually over her HOH’s knee) when told, without delay and without complaint. When her spanking begins, she can submit to her punishment without making excessive and disobedient noise, other than an appropriate amount of crying and sobbing. Shrieking and screaming is not obedient feminine behavior during a punishment spanking. It is a sign of disobedience and disrespect to her HOH.
When the woman is ordered to the corner after her spanking for Corner Time, she can go there obediently and stand there without attempting to rub her burning bottom. She can obey her HOH’s instructions to reflect on the reason for her discipline and her need to be punished for her own good as a woman. When it is appropriate, she can thank her HOH for taking the time and effort to discipline her so that she can become a better person.
Almost every step of the disciplinary process is an opportunity for a woman to practice her obedience to her HOH. She is constantly confronted with a myriad of chances to show her obedience. If she wants to develop, learn and grow into a more feminine, loving, fulfilled and happy woman, she should embrace each opportunity and not let it slip away. An opportunity for obedience is always an opportunity for her to grow.
The woman who wants to grow and is committed to her Christian Domestic Discipline relationship should also be obedient to her HOH outside the home. When they are together in the company of other people, some women see this as an opportunity to mock or ridicule their HOH. It is an opportunity to show the rest of the world what she really thinks of him, or so she believes. In her mistaken way of thinking, since he has taken her down a peg or two at home, she will get her revenge by taking him down a peg or two in public. She thinks this will “even the score,” as if their marriage were a sporting competition. But it is not. In a tennis match, there will always be one winner and one loser. But in a marriage, there can only ever be either two winners or two losers. You cannot have one winner and one loser in a marriage. The woman who publicly disrespects her HOH is turning both of them into losers, because she also dishonors herself. The woman who publicly disobeys her HOH is also humiliating herself as well as the man whom she ought to obey. The sooner a woman can understand this simple principle, the sooner she can turn her relationship into a success story instead of a divorce statistic.
Love, honor and obedience are the basic responsibilities of a woman in a long term relationship with a man. By obeying her HOH, a woman helps to build the love in her relationship. She helps to build her own respect for the man whom she should respect as her leader and protector. She views obedience as an opportunity to build love and respect, not as a drag that weighs her down. She see obedience as a positive act that she can perform daily so that her relationship and her life become more successful, more loving and more fulfilled.