This is a guest post: the benefits of clear rules in Domestic Discipline. One of my readers will describe her life in this post.
Introduction: The benefits of clear rules in Domestic Discipline
Recently, I’ve been exchanging emails with one my readers, Becky. She’s a submissive wife and offered to send me a testimonial for Domestic Discipline. Since I love reading those, I said yes, and since Becky is ok with this piece being published, I am publishing it here.
If you liked it, please consider leaving a comment – is your household similar? What is your situation? I’m looking forward to a discussion such as the ones on other articles here. The following post is written by Becky. Thanks for sharing this, and if you, dear reader, also want to share your thoughts, please leave a comment or contact me directly.
Written by Becky:
The importance of rules and consequences
We did not take up domestic discipline for more than 15 months after we married but did so at my request. It has helped me to behave better both in fulfilling my role as a wife, carrying out Church work and in my career. I have a responsible job as a Doctor so I do not have a weak personality. In fact I believe I am right a lot of the time and at work spend my time making many decisions. Our first six months of using domestic discipline were bumpy and I frequently had to receive additional punishments for resisting the maintenance discipline I had requested and agreed was appropriate. I found the lack of clarity as to what I should or should not do resulted in me testing boundaries inappropriately and made me resistant to punishments I was (I realise in hindsight) quite rightly allocated by my husband.
The major improvement in my behaviour was achieved by us agreeing a clear set of rules and potential sanctions for non-compliance.
The one thing which helped most was something we picked up from reading another blog where a lady was as a punishment made to wear a school uniform or second hand clothing – in her case sometimes for long periods. After much discussion I accepted that being confined to school uniform immediately I offended and having a clear process from then would help me improve which it has.
If I have broken the rules or I do not accept my maintenance discipline appropriately I have to put on my uniform of blue shirt, striped school tie, white pelerine knee socks, grey tunic (pinafore) and either a grey V neck jumper or cardigan and stand facing the wall with my hands behind my back in our hall to consider my misbehaviour.
When my HoH thinks I have had long enough I stand whilst he describes my offences(s) as he sees them and I must then apologise. If the offence has occurred as part of my maintenance discipline then this spanking is reapplied in full and I receive further punishment. Otherwise having apologised I am sent back to face the wall for a further period to consider how I might expect to be punished and how I will avoid a repetition of my offence(s). Finally HoH brings me back and again standing he tells me how I am to be punished.
First benefits of Domestic Discipline for the wife
This procedure has really helped minimize my indiscretions and over the last almost four years I have reduced my frequency of misbehaviour. I think it is the immediate effect of being but in uniform which is a punishment but also quickly shows me that if I behave in an immature way I will be treated as this deserves. I think the time facing the wall also gives me time to reflect on my mistakes and accept the consequences as well as make me think how I can avoid future repetition.
These are the rules we agreed as we discovered the need for greater clarity both for my HoH and myself. They have been modified as needed by regular review. These changes have been made based on our experience and my need at one point for both a greater degree of restriction on what I wear outside work and a more severe level of sanction at which time the punishment of having to wear school uniform was introduced.
Domestic Discipline: Becky’s rules
- 1) I will support HoH in his work.
- 2) I will maintain our household in a well-organized and functioning manner. I will do all cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry to a high standard.
- 3) I will put HoHs needs first in scheduling my activities.
- 4) I will not do anything which could be viewed as unsafe, disrespectful, unsociable or breaks the law.
- 5) I will dress at all times outside of work in a plain, feminine and conservative manner.
- a. This means I will always wear a dress which reaches below my knees with long sleeves and a high neck and collar or skirt (which reaches below my knees) and long sleeved blouse with a high neck and collar.
- b. Flat plain shoes or sandals
- c. Sweater or cardigan as needed
- d. Plain ¾ length coat if necessary
- e. Beret or gloves as necessary
- f. I will never wear trousers, jackets or casual shoes outside work.
- 6) I will make all of my clothes worn outside of work myself by dressmaking and knitting except for underwear.
- 7) I will wear my hair brushed back and in a ponytail or bun.
- 8) I will wear no or minimal make-up.
- 9) I will seek approval for all purchases, other than grocery spending, from HoH.
- 10) I will behave in a respectful and humble manner in presence of HoH as well as in a respectful manner in my interactions with others.
- 11) I must make clear proactively any failure to comply with the rules and be honest about what these failings are.
- 12) I must facilitate the disciplinary process and must never hold up or stall the process. This includes trying to justify my behaviour in a way to avoid discipline.
- 13) I must accept HoHs decision on punishments to be applied.
- 14) I must never attempt to avoid the full pain, humiliation and/or discomfort of my deserved punishments.
- 15) I will always apologize for my misbehaviour before receipt of corporal punishment and any other items as appropriate.
- 16) I will always thank HoH after receipt of corporal punishment or other items as appropriate.
- 17) I will remain silent unless invited to speak whilst receiving punishment.
- 18) I will always address HoH as “Sir” at all times whilst under discipline for offences and receiving “maintenance discipline”.
- 19) I will receive a minimum of one allocation of “maintenance discipline” per week. This will typically be a spanking by hand but may also use a hairbrush, paddle or clothes brush accompanied by corner time.
- 20) If I fail to admit any failure to comply with the rules in a timely manner as a minimum my punishment for the transgression will be at least doubled.
- 21) For any offence involving lying, deceit or spoken disrespect as a minimum I will in addition to any other sanctions have my mouth washed with soap and water every day before going to bed.
- 22) I will be proactive in seeking and sharing alternative disciplinary sanctions which can be used to insure my compliance with our rules and helps me to improve my behavior further.
- 23) We will review my behaviour and the rules a minimum of once per year to determine if any changes are required. Changes to the rules will only be made by agreement of both HoH and myself.
- 24) I will accept all of the following forms of punishment in whatever combination or volume HoH decides is appropriate based on my misbehaviour (I have no role in determining the quantity and/or length of any punishments):
- a. Corporal punishment applied with the hand, slipper, wooden or plastic ruler, hairbrush, paddle, cane or strap.
- b. Corporal punishment may be applied to my hands and behind and thighs. Applications to my behind and thighs may be to the clothed or unclothed target.
- c. Written punishments – writing of essays, lines, copying of texts. This may be done under detention conditions e.g. confined to a desk and chair in the box room if greater severity is appropriate.
- d. Corner time – should normally accompany all corporal punishment as well as a standalone punishment. Time may be spent simply standing or with nose or forehead against the wall, hands folded behind my back or on my hips or my head.
- e. Early bed time – I will dress in my nightclothes and be in bed by a suitably early hour with the lights off. This may be without supper where increased severity is appropriate.
- f. Grounding – I will not leave the house (unless for specific activities or under supervision) for a defined period.
- g. Curfew – I will not leave the house after a specified time.
- h. Mouth washing – I will have my mouth washed with soap and water under supervision. I will not be permitted to rinse my mouth or at least 3 hours after application. For severe or multiple offences I may be made to stand with a bar of soap in my mouth.
- i. Privilege withdrawl – the following can be removed or restricted
- i. Use of car
- ii. Credit card use/cash for spending.
- iii. Watching TV
- iv. Listening to the radio or other audio devices
- v. Access to magazines or newspapers
- vi. Access to the internet
- vii. Using a computer
- j. Allocation of additional house or garden work
- k. Confinement to the wearing of a school uniform within the house and to Church events and activities.
- l. Additional work as penance, for example making school uniform for my own punishment, needlework exercises such as having to sew buttons to material for defined periods
- 25) The following modes of punishment are not permitted
- a. Corporal punishment applied with a rubber hose, birch or whip.
- b. Discipline in front of others except wearing of uniform to Church activities or in presence of my mother-in-law
- c. Wearing of school tie to Church activities if wearing as part of serving a school uniform punishment
The rules and Domestic Discipline
They look quite severe when written down but if I fulfill my submissive role then the punishments are not required. If I fail to comply willingly and well, as I sometimes do, then it is clear to me the potential consequences. This has helped me to improve in my role as a submissive wife, be more devoted in my Church activities and made me a more empathetic person to work with in my medical work.
I would appreciate any suggestions based on others experience which would make these rules more robust even if they might mean more severe consequences if I misbehave or make these rules stricter.
I am sure that those beginning their domestic discipline journey may also benefit from agreeing transparent rules and potential punishments.